Friday, December 28, 2007

The Word Fuck.


If one word could capture a full range of emotions like Robert Dinero can capture any emotion in just one look it would have to be the word "Fuck." Examples abound "Fucking-A," "This is fucking bullshit," "Oh fuck," or new spliced up words like "un-fucking-believable," and "fan-fucking-tastic." Literally the creative mind can abound in little fucking moments of Albert-Fucking-Einsteinesque brilliance when coming up with ways to use Fuck in a sentence.

She's a fucking oxygen thief.
He's in fucking jail.She can't act to save her fucking life.

Sure the word Fuck can be absolutely written off as a vulgar word having no place in civil conversation. The kind of toilet boil vocabulary left to comedians, guy's who get their dick stuck in their fly while zipping up, and the poor bastard that finds out his girlfriend is pregnant...with twins. But the F-word, well it has its place in fucking history. Yeah that's right I looked into the birth of the F-word and now you are going to have read something that's actually fucking educational! It seems that no one really knows where the word fuck came from. Like mana from heaven and positraction its seemingly always been there. The closest word I could find to be origin word in terms of its verbal entomology comes from the German language. Fritchen is German for Friction and it doesn't take a fucking rocket scientist to here how close the words Friction and Fuck can sound. In fact if you are fucking there should definitely be some friction occurring. It wouldn't take long for some ear untrained in German to bastardize the word and have the F-Word born out as an offshoot. Of course that is not totally satisfying answer that is clear cut proof of where the F-Word came from. I wasn't fucking satisfied with my initial research and neither should you. That's why I dug a bit deeper:

The Battle Of Hastings

Look at those fucking French pussies retreat!

I'll assume most of you slept through history class and go into convulsions when you find the History Channel on TV for more than 3 minutes. What you need to know is that the French and English really despised each other and their nobility constantly sought to take each other's lands and country's over. Hastings turned out to be turning point in deciding whether France or England would have the most sway over cultural development and all things good and fucking grand. The French and English thought differently on everything, including what is honorable on a battlefield and what was not. For example the French despised the English Longbow. They thought it took all the honor out of war, its range, destructive power and ease of production lead to high French casualties and cut down on the Knight on Knight sword fighting action. After a volley from a group of longbows many a French knight would find themselves, wounded on their back and unable to get up because full plate armor is fucking heavy. The English would send out guys with knives and short swords to finish them off, this was straight up simple killing there was no grand duel of honor here. The French hated it and wished to see the longbow off the battlefield, so they turned to the honorable old art of torture. After capturing groups of English Archers from other battles the French would cut off the plucking fingers, the fingers used to draw and fire the longbow, and send them back to the English lines to tell other practitioners of the longbow to pack up and go home. This did not have the intended effect...

After an astounding defeat of the French at Hastings, archers using the the longbow rushed to the front lines as the French retreated. Holding up their plucking fingers, the pointer and middle finger, they began to shout "Pluck You!" Now from a great distance the chant of "Pluck You!" got a little garbled and sounded like "Fuck You!" And if you need me to paint you a fucking picture from a distance the upheld plucking fingers of the archers looked like they were just holding up their middle finger. Viola the word Fuck and The Finger are born on the same day, and guess what they are twins!

Returning From The Crusades

This English knight's wife is probably fucking some other nobleman who's daddy got him out of the draft.

It seems a sad but time honored tradition that when the call of duty goes out men answer it and go off to war, or sit in line at the video game store to buy Call Of Duty. It also seems that cheating on your husband while he is away at war has been going on as long as war. Same happened during the Crusades. While knights from around Western civilization went to fight in the "Holy Land" so we could a worship in the most miserable place on earth and not have to wear fucking turbans some of their wives couldn't keep it in their pants. Actually to be more accurate they couldn't keep it out of their pants. I mean the Crusades went on for a long fucking time, probably as long as that boring history class you slept through. So at some point whether or not a woman thought her husband was dead she needed a dick like the Dark Ages needed the plague. So dirty little romantic trysts started popping up wherever a noble husband had gone off to war and his wife just couldn't take another dickless night alone. But not all nobles and men went off to war, some stayed behind to "protect" the country, National Guard sound familiar? So they noticed they target rich environment and helped themselves to other men's wives. Sadly all good things come to an end on the Crusades and the sex gravy train came to halt. Now keep in mind there was no Western Union for a knight to tell his wife he was coming home and dinner had better be on the fucking table. Also there was no scheduled departure dates you pretty much got home when you could and the speed of doing that varied greatly. Most of the time the returning knights showed up without warning. This meant that some battle and travel weary knight could come limping home and find his wife in bed with another man, the snickering of servants would reach his ear, and of course the wife would just get to attached to a dick other than her husbands and when that happens women can't hide their cheating if they had a black ball and threw it into the deepest darkest cave you could find. Not only did this spell doom for the marriage but it was also a crime. Under ancient English law it was called Fornification Under Carnal Knowledge. Meaning that it was known to the wife and her lover undercover that they were violating the pact of marriage because the husband was the only man who should have carnal knowledge of his wife and that the cheaters in question new a valid marriage existing. If found guilty the wife could be divorced, the marriage annulled, and the other man in the torrid affair would have to make some sort of financial restitution. Since a lot of knights went away to the Crusades you can bet your ass their were a lot of these cases being brought before judicial system. Just like in olden days the legal dockets were a mess, and it took forever to try these cases, and when calling the charges in court the poor bailiff probably had a sore jaw from saying "The court is hearing the case of Fornification Under Carnal Knowledge against...."

Well the legal world loves acronyms and getting the show on the road, after all the judges have something better to do like hunting, drinking or tormenting first year lawyers. So some brilliant bailiff who legend has it was Irish wanted to speed things up so he could go and get drunk at the pub sooner decided to cut down Fornifcation Under Carnal Knowledge to F.U.C.K. This explains why we also denote Fuck as a sexual term, and I am pretty sure that men being caught by pissed off returning Crusader would probably exclaim "Oh Fuck" in the future. Here is how it would probably sound in that old courtroom.

Bailiff: Time for the next case your honor.

Judge: Very well Bailiff what do we have next on the docket?

Bailiff: Well another F.U.C.King case sir!

Judge: (Sighs) Very well lets get this F.U.C.King over with.


Grey Fox

Wednesday, December 26, 2007

A New Years Resolution...

I promise I will be back with a vengeance in the new year for all the stupid shit I have seen go down on my watch. If I know you or have seen you party to this jackassery you are on notice bitches.....

Thursday, November 8, 2007

A recent epiphany...

I've recently been between rants on a lot of things. The struggle with living up with the title I've given myself - The Baltimore Cynic - is that it can be hard to live up to the title. With so few hours in the day, is it possible to scribe your contempt for so many things in so little time? Unfortunately I have failed to some extent because I haven't really articulated my disgust recently.

In the process of searching for a good topic to write about I found myself asking why I haven't been able to explain my disgust. And I think I found it. Honestly - the issue is not one person, racism, or anything like that. The issue, my fellow cynics, is people.

In the past I've expressed contempt for a student who was unacceptably rude. The fact is that this is something bred by academia, which was bolstered by people. The first recipient of a PhD, the first law student, and the first doctor weren't told to treat people in such a manner. Yet, remarkably, this mentality has infiltrated the world.

I complained in the past about the corrupt politicians who do anything and everything to further their interests. Many people I would consider friends can blame this on corrupt parties that allow such travesties to occur. However, the fact is people vote for these people. People support these policies by voting out effective politicians in favor of those with a catchy tune. As much as I dislike how dishonest people like Martin O'Malley and Sheila Dixon for being photo-opportunistic liars and cheats, the people apparently support them. So perhaps I can't blame them for playing the game better than most.

Finally, one of the biggest sources of ire is crime in Baltimore, my former stomping ground. Although crime here is a dismal issue I encounter on a nearly daily basis, I believe that if the people here were genuinely concerned about it then it wouldn't be an issue here. However, I suppose that they don't want to support tough decisions like holding criminals accountable for their actions.

In essence, as frustrated as I am with the current state of things in my city, my state, and indeed, my world, it is not appropriate to incorrectly assign blame. As such, I'll blame the 99.9% of those who make our world as terrible as it is. As time passes, I'll posts more examples of those that do and don't fit into this description.

That's all for now, thanks for listening...

Monday, August 13, 2007

Was Pat Tillman An Asshole?

So I was reading the news and a blurb about Pat Tillman popped up regarding the "odd" circumstances around his death. At first I thought "Odd? What's odd about getting killed in war? That's how war tends to work itself out." Upon further investigation something did stink about the investigation. JAG lawyers patting each other on the back for keeping a lid on what really happened, especially when one of them is suppossed to looking out for Pat Tillman, U.S. soldier. Then came the muddling from higher up to halt the investigation after the forensic investigators said the shots were not enemy fire, and they were to well placed to be anything but intentional. After that came the seemingly last known words out of Pat Tillman's mouth calling a fellow "brother in arms" a sniveling coward before being killed by what now seems more than accidental friendly fire. In short he may have been fragged.

So what is fragging? Well for those of you not in the know, fragging is essentially the intentional killing of a brother in arms for various reasons. Usually a grenade was used because it was impossible to trace back to anyone. The method became popular in Vietnam with the everyday grunts to use on an officer. Usually the officer was either a complete asshole who made the unit's life tougher than it had to be, lead them into extreme danger, and was probably a Westpointer trying to make a career over the bodybags of his men. Needless to say if you were an asshole officer in Vietnam and your name wasn't Westmorland, you were probably going to get fragged. Of course this isn't limited just to officers anyone can get fragged for any number of reasons.

So in light of recent evidence, Tillman's own harsh last words and his over the top boy scout nature along with his creeping doubts about the war set up a pretty good guess that he may have been fragged. Was Pat Tillman an asshole? Well only his squad mates can say for sure. But if I had to guess, I'd say he was an asshole. Who else would throw away a promising career in the NFL, join the Army, bitch about being there, and bitch out squad mates for reacting like any human would in a firefight: Well an asshole would. Now I know a lot of people will rush to say he died a patriot, but even patriots can be assholes. Its one thing to love your country, but its another thing to act like an asshole while loving your country. Earlier tales portray Pat Tillman rushing out into fire to charge an enemy who was ambushing the unit, while leaving the rest of the unit which had taken cover and on return gets shot by mistake even while yelling his "Pat Fucking Tillman" as some sources claimed. Of course this story gave way to what we are being told now, but look at it. What kind of guy charges into a hail of bullets fired from several AK-47s? That John Wayne bullshit doesn't work in real life, real soldiers don't do that. Everyone else in his unit hunkered down to fight back and maintain coehesion, supposedly Tillman goes rushing off into the smoke filled field of fire and on return was supposedly shot. In my mind thats just dumb to go running off and putting yourself in a crossfire like that. But maybe it went down something like this Pat Tillman charged off into the smoke managing somehow to not get shot. He fires on the enemy while his unit working as a team using interlocking fields of fire to pick off most of the attackers. Upon coming back to his unit he berates a teammate or two for not following on his charge, he starts an arguement with fellow team members and it may or may not be the first time this has come up. They question his antics and he calls them cowards, his actions had potentially endangered his unit so they fragg him for being an asshole. If it went down like that then Pat Tillman was certainly an asshole. However we may never know why Tillman was killed, accident or no. We will never know if Pat Tillman was some asshole or hero or murder victim or casuality of war. Only his unit will know that and they aren't speaking much on the matter. Ultimately its up to you to decide as for me I stopped believing in heroes along time ago so I know that no one is truely innocent in this matter. Something happened and we haven't gotten the full truth and we may never.

Sunday, July 1, 2007

An Open Letter To Ann Coulter.

Dear Ann,

I was wondering if you were always such an egotistical bitch, or if that came after having that pair of baboon testicles implanted into your body. Know I must confess have never read any of your "work," or bothered to listen to your "lectures." I never really saw a point in attending the little Nazi rallies you put on, what gets me is how you carry on like anyone gives a damn. See Ann if we really wanted to know what you were thinking we'd ask. Now knowing that your past level of what qualifies for intellectual discourse runs between wishing political opponents dead to bullying 9/11 widows, on behalf of American I say this:


Seriously bitch can it. You do a disservice to political pundits and commentators everywhere, I know hate speech is protected and all but damn all you do is say the most outlandish shit and pray someone wants to pick a fight over it or it gets news coverage. It wouldn't be so bad if you were just screaming like a whore who just got paid in monopoly money, but the fact you get media attention really fucks things up for the rest of us and hurts the nation. You take attention away from important issues, you stir up the crazy assholes in this country that think chucking bombs are the answer, you dumb down any political conversation, and you reflect poorly on women who are trying to make a difference in the wonderful world of politics. You are in fact your genders worst enemy when they try to get themselves taken seriously.

Thats pretty much it, so in closing shut the fuck up and stop wishing you were a man.

Grey Fox

Saturday, June 16, 2007

Firing at will on a saturday night

Good evening gentle folk,

Its Saturday night and I'm staying in after a week of reflecting and looking for a new place to move to in a month and a half. Between this and some other stuff I've been thinking about recently I've decided to touch on a few things on my mind right now:

Shuck and Jive TV 2007

BET, or Black Entertainment Television was the brainchild of Robert Johnson, an Alumni of the University of Illinois and Princeton University. A man whose own story is undoubtedly inspirational for all ethnicities, Johnson sought to give a voice to the African-American community. Twenty-nine years later, as I watch see the line up for Saturday, it is clear that the Viacom Owned voice of Black America is one that perhaps should shut up for good:

12:30: 106 & Park
2:30: Top 25 Countdown
5:00: Rap City Top 10
6:00: 106 & Park
7:30-9: The Wayans Brothers
9-11: Girlfriends
11-Who cares: Boss'n Up*

*Boss'n Up is a film starring Snoop Dogg (That's a cue to change the channel right there, by the way), which depicts the life of a Pimp in Training. For those who have the opportunity to see this for free or even get paid for it... pass.

I would imagine that Mr. Johnson would be ashamed of what his ambition has become, but I suppose that he can't hear the screams of agony over his piles of money.

Speaking of Stupidity on Television...

I would be remiss if I didn't show something which The Agnostic Insomniac sent to me earlier, check it out: Shuck and Jive 2007

In this clip, a number of Blacks in a Baltimore Barbershop (way to think beyond stereotypes, ABC - perhaps you could've given them picks and Colt 45s as well?) discuss the 2008 Presidential Election. In true form, the group only discusses Democrats, specifically Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama. The topic didn't rile me up so much as the arguments presented by some of the distinguished panelists. One such person cites the experience Hillary Clinton obtained as first lady as a reason to vote for her (since First Lady is apparently a very prestigious title), while another cited America's inability to elect a Black President** as a reason to bank on Hillary. The video clip is only worse, as it features someone who mentions that the next candidate must have "faith in god".

If this is at all indicative of the knowledge base of the common voter, it challenges the integrity of democracy to say the least.

Stupid people elect stupid politicians

If you ask me, this is the story of Baltimore Politics now, ever since the Boy Blunder, current Governor (and 2012 Presidential Candidate) Martin "Promise Keeper" O'Malley headed to Annapolis to be replaced by Sheila "Skeletor" Dixon. The six months which have passed since this time have reflected a steady decline in the so-called Greatest City in America, which is best reflected in the rise in murders since 2006. In the six months we've begun to see some serious issues left behind by O'Malley, including a hard working but clearly broken Criminal Justice system, a faulty infrastructure within the City Government, and faulty support for Education.

In the time since Dixon's ascension to the position of Mayor, she has, to my chagrin, engaged in a "dodge and blame" defense technique. When issues come before her, she will generally attempt to do one of the following:

1) Dodge the concern by expressing faith in "staying the course" with her current plans (which essentially were O'Malley's plans), or
2)By expressing her outrage over the long standing issue (which she certainly could not have seen as a member of City politics since 1987)

Most disturbing about Dixon is her inability to accept information accepted in the country as evidence, which occurred for Dixon during a Howard County Fundraiser. In discussing a 2006 FBI report which ranked Baltimore only behind Detroit for violence in large cities, Dixon asserted that the report may not be factual. In an age where politics is more about accountability than it ever has been, Dixon's determination to avoid it at all costs may prove problematic as election day approaches.

Speaking of stupid politicians

As the city comes closer to the Democratic primary election (or for the heavily democratic baltimore, the general election), a number of candidates have stepped up for the opportunity to avoid actually fixing things while making $125,000 per year as Mayor of Baltimore City. These candidates include:

Keiffer Mitchell: City Councilman connected with the (in)famous Mitchell family of Baltimore City. Mitchell's expressed outrage with Dixon's idiocracy on multiple occasions. Strangely, he has no commentary on his complicity in these policies, having served as a councilman for more than 10 years. Hands down the number one contender for the title.

Andrey Bundley: Former Principal in the Baltimore City Public School System, Bundley gained much attention when he gained more than 30% of the Democratic Vote in the Mayoral Primary Vote in 2003. Unfortunately, given his controversial tenure as a high school principal, combined with the shoddy state of Baltimore Public Schools, few expect his candidacy to go far.

Jill Carter: Current Delegate representing Balitmore City in the Maryland General Assembly, Carter has been a vocal opposition to the O'Malley Administration, in particular with regards to the criminal issue in the city. Carter also has called for radical shifts in policy including firing the best paid member of the City Government, Leonard Hamm (who is much more amusing to call Hammbone) and replacing him with Ed Norris, Commissioner turned State Police Superintendent turned inmate turned Radio Host (He's our answer to Teddy Roosevelt).

Frank Conaway, Sr. - Former State Delegate for Baltimore City and Current Clerk of the Court for Baltimore City. Conaway is known more for his fiery rhetoric (as evidenced in some of his letters to The Examiner) and flashy suits than his politics. However, with an inside perspective on the criminal justice problem, Conaway may offer a new perspective as the mayoral election comes closer.

A. Robert Kaufman - A perennial candidate and socialist to boot, Kauffman has thrown his hat in to the ring for yet another campaign after his hearty defeat in the 2006 Senate Election to replace Paul Sarbanes, which was ultimately won by Ben Cardin.

As the day gets closer, I'll continue to keep you posted on the election trail, if I don't get nauseous first...

That's all for now, thanks for listening...

Thursday, April 26, 2007

You Can Leave The Halo Behind, There Are No Angels Here, This Is Earth Bitch.

Unless you have been living in a cave the big scare topic in the news is violence and the youth of America. Highlighted by the intrusive world wide coverage thrust into the grieving faces of those at Virginia Tech. There is an old saying the news business, "If it bleeds it leads." Of course instead of highlighting the tradgey for what it really is, politicians, journalists, bloggers and the PTA have all been playing the blame game. For those outside the circle all this means is pointing the finger at someone or something followed by a little to no action. Of course any action taken by these crusaders of "all things good, right and American" have absolutely no meaning and never focus on the heart of the issue.

Example, the battle cry of "violent video games" has already been marched out. The assumption is children can't tell the difference between pulling the trigger in a game and then doing it in real life. Please, if that was true then we'd all be taking assualt rifles gunning each other down all while trying to capture a stupid flag thanks to Halo. Then there is the "violent music," which usually revolves around how isolated and the real needs ignored of today's youth are, while their parents suck down another fucking martini. I look at todays music, I don't see a call to mass murder, I see a generation crying out for substance while being dopped up on Ritalin so they'll pipe the fuck down. Then of course comes the battle over gun control which is when we reach the absolute point of futility of trying to get anything done. Meanwhile the media circus winds down and hunts for the next blood trail. Next time you see a tragic event watch for the stages the media coverage goes through. First the attention grabbing "Breaking News" report, then the filler crap as they actually wait to find out what really happened, the speculation and morality expert debates. Then the full coverage kicks in once they know just enough to be dangerous with programing specials. Once it comes to an end hear comes the final act of masterbation for the media, they ask what can they do to not promote such violence and they question wheither or not it is right to cover such things so intrusively....

So why do we point fingers at the obivious bullshit scapegoats. One they are tangible, two they are fairly defenseless, three morality groups love the chance to push their agendas on everyone. Finally getting to the heart of the problem requires the kind of collective soul searching our society is not mature enough to do. Like Doctor Frankenstien we create our own worst monsters. When we talk about the American dream and the good life we never mention that not everyone will wind up living it. We think life should be easy when in reality it is hard. We think that there are rules that are unbreakable or at least seemingly that way. Also we are angry, angry at the fact that we are not the star, we are not the golden child, we are angry at life, we are angry at why life can be shitty and hard. Mostly we are angry out ourselves for not being perfect or living on that greener side of life. Listen to what the shooter at VA talked about why he did it, about the nice stuff all those "rich kids" had. Fuck, he wanted that stuff, and when he found out that some people just end up being the have nots for no other reason than tough luck that was reason enough for him to turn to violence. Now the fucker was crazy than Margot Kidder on qualudes to begin with, and he probably have done something violent anyways even if he had all that shiny shit. Why? Because the catch 22 is that when you have all that nice junk it still doesn't fulfill.

Look you have to realize that not all people can cope with what life is. You also have to realize that some people are just going be evil, crazy or just crazy evil. You can't always look to your leaders to solve the problem for you. Gun control doesn't answer it, take the guns away and he'd still kill, less people sure, but he still going to end someones life. Concealed carry permits for all doesn't do it, because people will still die, and your hoping that more often than not its the bad guy doing the dying. Its not music, TV, movies, games or things we know to be fantasy, scapegoats are just there to shirk the responsibilty to get heart of the matter. In the end the human race is both touched by what we define as good and evil, we are predatory creatures, you don't get to the top of the food chain any other way. We are becoming increasingly dissconnected from each other emotionally as we get packed closer and closer together population density wise. A lot of folks out there probably feel like they are trapped in tiny room where they can see outside but never really interact with the outside world. As long as you have that, you will have violence. In fact no matter what you do people are still going to do insane shit like this, all we can do is work to limit the need for these outbursts of violence, to remain aware that life is both fun and danger, and to choose not to be victims of fear or FOX news.

-Grey Fox

Thursday, April 12, 2007

Beer Goggles Vs. Date Rape: The After School Special You College Kids Can't Afford To Miss...

Many moons ago I was a penniless college going frat boy, I went to class but like every human being ever I was waiting for the weekend like anyone else...not that I would remember it. Being part of a frat its almost a duty and a service to throw a party at your place. Really think about its part recruitment tool/alcohol enforcement. Ah bet you didn't know about that did you? See what a lot of colleges hate to admit is that if there is going to be under age drinking, they'd rather have it done at a frat house then in the dorm rooms. See any frat can be wild, stupid and a hotbed for police reports, but they also serve a vital function to make sure that a lot of party going college kids keep having vital functions. See we had to keep an eye out for the drunks who could end up in the hospital so that meant cutting people off as well as acting as an ad hoc triage unit if someone was really fucked up. A lot of times we were able to handle it and help them through a night of extremely heavy drinking making sure they puked up everything and kept them from swallowing their tongue. Other times it was making sure they got to a hospital if it was really bad, without the college having to deal with it. Mainly this was for those who had pre gamed before they came to the party. The others we made sure they drank enough but never to much, for those who came up to the frat house to drink we knew when to cut someone off and send them packing. Every brother at a party is there to have a good time and they also serve a function. If you didn't have an actual task it was always understood you were a peacekeeper/bouncer when the shit hit the fan which is easy when you have 40 other guys popping out the wood work to grab two idiots about to throw down over who loves Blink 182 more. My function was the head bartender of the house, you could be a doctor or a lawyer but in that house you weren't shit compared me or the other bartenders on party night. We controled the flow of booze, kept the drunks happy, kept an eye on the dangerous drunken assholes, and like any good bartender we talked with the people so we knew what was up with who ever that night. One of the most important things was to make sure the ladies were having a good time and felt safe. Part of it was being a gentlemen and a good host, the other was making sure the pussy stayed around so the guys and potential rushes would come back. No one wants to have a date rape go down on their watch, or see a woman assaulted because it was coming back on you if it went down.

Date Rape is defined as forcible sexual intercourse by a male acquaintance of a woman, during a voluntary social engagement in which the woman did not intend to submit to the sexual advances and resisted the acts by verbal refusals, denials or pleas to stop, and/or physical resistance. The fact that the parties knew each other or that the woman willingly accompanied the man are not legal defenses to a charge of rape, although one Pennsylvania decision ruled that there had to be some actual physical resistance.

Its a good definition problem is a lot of times there is no apparent refusal, denial, plea or resistance. Classic example is after a party some guy walks a girl home, of course they have both been drinking, she invites him into the room with their inhibitions lowered they end up having sex. Next morning she looks over at the guy and realizes it was a mistake to have had sex with him, in fact she would have never fucked this chump in a million years. This guy is guilty of rape. Why? Because under normal circumstances she would have never had sex with him, she had no intent in a sober mind frame to fuck this loser and because she was under the influence of booze she had no reasonable control over her actions or choices. If she files a complaint this guy will most likely get kicked out of college and go to jail. Now at no point did she actually say no, or resist, or deny this guy entry into her, but thats only half the game, she actually has to intend to have sex with you.

Now under the law if this guy was drunk at the time he is fully responsible for his actions, at the same time this woman no longer has a reasonable expectation to be fully responsible for making good desicions because her judgement is impaired by alcohol. Therefore its impossible for her to properly consent to sexual intercourse or to know what her real intent is. Hence we call it date rape or rape.

Now lets flip the script for a moment, what if they guy was bombed out of his mind and the woman was in a better position, either she consumed no alcohol or she was just holding her liquor better. Now lets say this guy is the stud and she is a off the factory line dud, and that there is no way in Hell this guy would ever, ever intend to have sex with her but he does anyways. Is it rape? Nope its called....

See with a guy is different, he should have known better, he made a bad call, its a shamefull story to tease him with. Hey guess what if you are upholding that definition its still rape. But in the real world it doesn't work that way which creates a legal problem when it comes to properly upholding the law and protecting those under the law. Let's say that guy wakes up and looks over at some loser he never ever wanted to fuck, but because he got drunk and his guard was down she was able to take advantage. Should he feel dirty? Ashamed? Stupid? If he is a rape victim absolutely not. He is a victim just as much if it were the woman in his shoes. Or are both just victims of their own stupidity for drinking to much and getting beer goggles and what comes with being beer goggled?

Beer Goggles: Sometimes one just gets past the goalie

My opinion is that you are always responsible for what you do at all times. Being drunk or high does not excuse you from making a bad choice. This is especially true when you intend to drink to the point of being drunk enough you can no longer allow yourself to think clearly and effectively. I have no sympathy for someone who get blasted and does something they regret, just as much as I have no sympathy for someone who tries to physically force themselves on another person. You don't have the right to ruin someone's life just because you regret doing something the next day. Congratulations they just slipped one past the goalie because you decided to take yourself out of the goal that evening by drinking beyond reason. I'm not talking about the people who get drugged into having sex, or pass out drunk while some dirtbag has their way with them. I'm talking about someone who decided yes this fat pile of crap is just the person I want sharing my bed and enjoying my genitals, but after that glow of alcohol wears off they want to run down to the creek and beat themselves with a rock. For those dumb bastards are having no sympathy from me.

But under the law intent is still what rules here so my best advice is that unless you are some couple that is already having sex, if alcohol is invovled its not worth it. You never know what the person is going to do the next morning, some people just turn around and make shit up to cover their own ass rather than admit to making a bad call. Others will have legit feelings that they were violated. Either way it will screw up your life wheither you are a guy or girl, of course in my fairytale world I'd like to think their was equal enforcement under the law.

-Grey Fox

Wednesday, April 11, 2007

When Boyfriend And Girlfriend Become One: Or The Curse Of The Frankenbitch Dickenstien Monster

The Frankenbitch Dickenstien Monster:
(I know it looks like the offspring of two rednecks who cousin fucked each other at Chernobyl)
It's the uncomfortable combination of your best friend and signifigant other and all the bad shit they both bring to the table......

Confused? Well you'd be suprised the kind of crap you can find on the internet to literally illustrate what your talking about. Get a good look at that ugly, awkward and hopefully sterile creature, yeah you don't like the sight of it either. Good. Now I provided a caption and an extremely long title to give you an idea of where I'm going today in terms of subject matter. No its not transvestites or breaded circus women.....

No what this picture metaphysically represents is that one couple everyone seems to know, you know the boyfriend and girlfriend that would be tied to the hip if they hadn't already combined into one massive Voltron style headache. They won't do anything with out each other, and like Voltron if they are seperated from each other they become even more lame because they have been used to teaming up so much they have no idea what it means to spend time apart. If you have no idea what Voltron is just Google it bitch it was Saturday morning cartoons!!!

Yes This Motherfuckin' Voltron!

So why should I knock on a couple that can't get enough of each other? Well thats not the problem.... Its the fact they won't spend time apart, the fact they won't be their own person, the fact that they ruin all the stuff you used to do by including their other half, and that other half Yoko Ohno's guys or girls night out and splits up the to speak. Look when you want to spend time with your guy or girl you spend time with them, when its time to hang out with your friends you hang with them and sometimes that means going solo and leaving your other half behind. Its time to be honest your friends will never truely like whoever the fuck you date, because that just means its someone who is going to screw up your time to hang out, lead them by the dick or pussy and even use it to fuck up your friendships. When it stops being your buddy and more like your buddy with him or her it just sucks the life out of! No one is stopping to say honey do your own thing I need to spend the night out with the guys or girls so they and I still know we are able to hang out. No instead it becomes a major U.N. relief operation to Darfur everytime it comes time to hang out because now Frankenbitch Dickenstien have to decide what everyone should do so they both can enjoy it......which means you and everyone else are not. Couples never seem to stop doing couple things together and thats a problem. People by their very nature are both dependent and independent and when one nature gets thrown into overdrive it can make problems think extreme loners and co-dependent freaks. Maybe people are so afraid of not having a guy or girl to call their own they never stop to set down boundaries so their relationships don't spiral into a fucking nightmare and one of them goes insane when it ends because they made the relationship their whole reason for living. Thats why we get that icky feeling when couples are never seen anywhere without each other and never do things by themselves and that makes things suck. This monster's victims are not hearty Romanian villagers with overbites but just having a good time.

-Grey Fox

Tuesday, March 27, 2007

Hey, Asshole: Your PhD doesn't make you a Ph-Deity, you Ph-Douchebag.

Howdy everyone, its been a while! As some of you may or may not know, I work in University Services (which, I freely confess, is what keeps me busy 5-6 days a week). Some of you also know I've done graduate school already. It wasn't until very recently that I was nearly ashamed of this (and i'll tell you why in a minute).

In my capacity, I spend a lot of time assisting students, many of whom are graduate students who are earning their Doctorates. In the process of this, I've coined a few phrases that you may wish to remember for future reference:

Ph-Duh: The enlightened masses of students who, despite their academic achievements, are unable to comprehend basic tasks, such as reading a complete paragraph.
Ph-Dick: A Doctoral student unashamed of rubbing their academic status in your face by doing things such as mentioning "Doctoral student" in their email signatures
Ph-Douchebag: The upper echelon of irritating graduate students who will, in an incredible display of idiocy and absurdity, exhibit the traits of the Ph-Duh and Ph-Dick simultaneously. Although I don't believe in life after death, if there is a personalized hell, it is undoubtedly full of these people.

Mind you - not all of my work is with these classes of students - in fact, many of them are very amicable, and are glad to receive insights from the likes of me (some are very kind when I can fully assist them). However, I guess its true when someone once said that you don't remember the good ones as often as the bad ones. That being said, the worst conversation I've ever had with one of them took place today, and I feel the need to talk a little bit about it.

I can't go into many details about it for many reasons, but here are a few highlights:

1) The conversation started with the student complaining about my response time. We're in a high volume period in my division right now, so that's the nature of the business. From there, I knew it would be a bad conversation but tried to endure.
2) The student requested a status update regarding a standard procedure my office does. When I advised her of a common mistake she made and what the implications were the student exploded. We've been trained for this and warned, but nothing is quite like the real thing (especially when you're an open misanthrope such as myself)
3) When I tried to explain the situation to the student, she would not allow me to speak. On more than one occasion, the conversation consisted of:
"Ma'am, would you please allow me to --"
"I'd like to try, ma'am, but you won't allow me to --"
"Well, ma'am --"
...Apparently, when you become a Doctoral student, you are exempt from basic conversation with people.
4) The student attempted to swing brass by making statements alluding to their great influence, speaking to the fact that 1)they had an attorney, and that 2) my office was being illegal due to her mistake. As someone well familiar with the Law, I was not particularly impressed with what she had.
5) The 'best' part: After explaining to the student what some students have done procedure wise, explaining to the student the entire process for her request, and enduring what even the nicest people would describe as verbal abuse, the student expressed her appreciation to me by saying that she would be in contact with my boss to tell her about what she described as "our little incident."

I'm not the thickest skinned person in the world, and I'll be the first person in the world to admit that. Still, there is a certain threshold which I have for verbal abuse. Once broken, I can become very outraged. However, on this day I felt myself reaching that limit, to the point that I considered walking away from my office and not returning. Such a thing has happened; in fact, a similar conversation occurred yesterday with a male I'd been attempting to assist over the past month. While their frustration is justified (and I can certainly relate having had to go through procedures as a former graduate student in the past), I could not, in good conscience justify treating people in the way I (and countless other people like me) are habitually treated by some of the so called enlightened students.

I don't know whether or not I'll hear from either of these people again - and I'm fairly certain I'll endure a bad conversation with one of them at least once more, as it is the unfortunate nature of my job. To this point, I humbly submit the following thoughts if you're a student so fortunate to earn college education:

1) Wake up. Your accomplishments may warrant you to more respect as having more academic accomplishments than many, but that's it. It doesn't make you smarter than anyone (Teddy Roosevelt was incredibly intelligent and he was a Law School Dropout), doesn't entitle you to any respect as a hard worker (Andrew Carnegie was industrious and didn't come close to finishing college), and doesn't entitle you to treat anyone as if they are below you.
2) Don't get cocky because of your degree either. For every person fortunate enough to have an experience, there are plenty who were certainly smart enough to be there, but didn't have the opportunity. In that sense, you've more benefited from chance than your intellect.
3) Be careful of who you jerk around, because you never know who you you're doing that to. The world is small, and you never know how your rude treatment of one person could impact your interactions with someone else. Also, Karma's a bitch.

For now, I'm going to sit down and reflect on my own sins as a supposed enlightened student... I would feel bad for making some people dumb, but I do that to everyone despite their education, so...

Wednesday, February 21, 2007

The Mall: Noah's Ark For Retards

Ah the mall, the Mecca of daily commerce. You can find more things than you don't need at the mall. And while the mall may look like fun place where kids can run free and you can look a shit you can't afford through thick glass windows along with hundreds of your fellow consumers... The mall looks more like this to me....

At least he gets a fucking shovel I got a defunct Sam Goodey Rewards Card...

First off, going to the mall is a fucking excursion into a cold barren wasteland that would be a wet dream setting for a Jack London novel. You have to rally up at least one other stalwart soul who after releasing a death rattle of a sigh can supress the immediate flood of bile that rushes into their mouth like when you see Rosie O'Donnell eating/naked, or just eating naked. (Bleh) See they are going to save your sanity so you can make the return trip home their Apollo 13, because at some point you are going to lose your temper and you need someone to talk about what a fucking retard some person was i.e.

YOU: AAARGGH, what a fucking retard.

If you were alone you'd probably desend into the depths of a red rage capable of making people think you were a totally sweet ninja! (Okay so I bought the book REAL Ultimate Power) This crucial companion will probably be called upon their sacred duty to agree with you right around the time you try to park. Getting to a parking spot is unbelieve able people turn into Grand Theft Auto, and grow the biggest balls I have ever seen like they are packing an AK-47 up their butt. Like this one on Christmas Eve time I lucked out and about to nail the world's greatest parking spot, first available spot right after the Handicap spot, but this 50 year old asshole in an SUV leaps the curb. Rumbling over the sidewalk and down the other curb and into my spot I signaled for, he gloated over it to and his 4 wheel drive, thats what pushed me over the edge. Now had I had a buddy their I probably would have been calmer about it....

Me: Ah, Damn it.

So I parked out in the middle of nowhere and proceeded into the mall and went about my shopping, saving the Chesepeake Knife and Tool Shop for last....

Shopkeep: Happy Holidays sir what can I help you with. (Finally some respect)

Me: Well good shopkeep I have someone on my Christmas list who is a bit of a survivalist and into knives.

Shopkeep: Well we have many wonderful Swiss Army knives to look at.

Me: Yeah I have one myself, but my friend is into the deep woods stuff. You have any of those knives that can cut through tree stumps like those crazy Ginzu knives?

Shopkeep: Well I have these Smith and Weston SWAT knives here. But doing that would ruin the blade.

Me: Could it cut through say a rubber tree?

Shopkeep: Sure, but why would you want to do that?

Me: Well my friend is a survival nut, he'd apperciate that thought.

So away I went with purchases in hand. Back out into the parking lot I went, approaching Mark Trail's SUV the full malice of my intent surged through my being. However upon arrival there he was arguing with another motorist, apparently he was in a rush to leave, and she was in a rush to get a parking spot. Its a well know science theory that two different objects of matter cannot share the same space. Well neither can two SUVs, which explained the head on collision these Dukes of Hazard had. I was saved by fate that day, but who knows if you will be....

Hell and that story was just about the parking lot. Let me give you a rundown of what it was like for me when I worked at a department store in the mall for the summer....

Hecht's will be opening in 5 minutes....

Yeah that poor bastard at the gate was me, I opened the doors every morning to allow the throng of geezers that would do nothing but window shop until it was time for Matlock to come on to come in. People in a mall will stampede over each other like cattle just realizing why they have been sold the Ruth Chris Steakhouse. On top of that there were these women who would come into the store and buy tons of shit but come back the next day to return it. See they bought all that crap to run up their husbands credit card because they hate their husbands, of course he'd never have it so back to me they come. I even saw this woman break down one time as her husband called her on the cell phone to ask what she was doing, and she rattled off what she bought. 10 seconds later she burst into tears screaming no, and three female sales associates ran over to comfort her. It sounded like her child just died or something. Between the banshee wailing she managed to fumble out that her bastard husband said no to all her purchases. What the fuck? Its just meaningless shit!

Of course there are the kids. All I can tell is that there must be some fucked up wildlife program where children are released back into the mall to repopulate or something. This one time I was walking back from my lunch break when I saw this group of teeney bopping girls walk up to this boy looking at a video game display. The lead crack whore in training asked if he had a girlfriend. A little glimmer of hope entered his eye right before she said, "Just asking!" Followed by her and the other girls laughing at him and running off with the leader colliding into me and dropping her little purse or baggie full of make up. She looked up at me telling me to watch were I am fucking going. This girl is 12 tops and I am 20 something and 230 pounds, so I watched myself put my full 230 pounds in the form of my foot down on her little purse. You could hear all the make up in the bag being crushed and cracking, and the look on her face was like I just stepped on her soul. I walked off and said nothing. Do feel bad for her, all she had to do was find daddy and get another 50 bucks, or suck some cock for the same price, which is just practice for her anyways, and she'll be back to looking like a painted up whore in no time. You can find all this and more, at the mall.

-Grey Fox

Amanda Marcotte: IL Duce Of Douchebags

I just want to remind you that having sex with someone too drunk to resist is against the law and you can be found guilty of rape if you do it. (Refers to picture of a shirt that says "No means have aNOther Drink." Duh people know the law, choosing to follow it is their own responsibility.)

My Response:

Grey Fox Feb 20th, 2007 at 11:37 pm
Its not rape if she blinks twice for yes. ~Jim Morrison

I may not agree with what you have to say, but I will defend to the death your right to say it. ~Voltaire

The shirt is meant as a joke, some would say a bad joke to be sure, but a joke none the less. Society should stop blaming dumb crap like this for “making” or “motivating” people to preform a criminal act. It takes away the personal responsibilty of the person who committed the act, or at the very least mitigates the act. Call bad humor, bad humor and call a criminal act a criminal act. But you can’t make bad humor a criminal act. Besides I do recall a shirt that said “Throw Rocks At Boys Their Stupid!” with a picture of a boy running from a barrage of rocks. An act that condones stoning, a barbaric 3rd world practice which happens mostly to women and yet they can make light of it. On top of that I did some stat checking and there was no increase in the percentage of boys getting stoned or pelted with rocks. So its safe to say a T-Shirt tasteless or not is not going to start a bloody 100 year revolution. Its free speech and its here to stay, plus I’m not giving up my “SCUBA divers do it underwater shirt.”
-Grey Fox

(Someone Did point out later that the "Throw Rocks" shirt got pulled which is wrong because that is fucking with Free Speech, chief amongst our rights. Of course her comes Amanda's Response...)

Amanda Marcotte Feb 20th, 2007 at 11:51 pm
Good thing I have thick skin or else it would hurt me that so many of my new Jesus-loving fans think that it was fucking hysterical when I was raped. Jesus is proud of you. Rape is funny. Jesus said so.
Anyone who thinks that violent sexual assault is funny is immediately banned. Sorry. My skin is thick, but I still remember the pain of it sometimes and I have no tolerance for men who gave up their humanity such that they think rape is fucking wonderful.

(Apparently I got banned because I thought rape was "wonderful.")

(And of course)

Amanda Marcotte Feb 21st, 2007 at 12:15 am
People who continue to wax on about the Duke rape case: People don’t respond because you’re right. They don’t respond because they know from experience that anyone who defends men who write thing like this:
tommrow night, after tonights show, ive decided to have some strippers over to edens 2c. all are welcome.. however there will be no nudity. i plan on killing the bitches as soon as the walk in and proceding to cut their skin off while cumming in my duke issue spandex.. all besides arch and tack please respond
Hates women and would defend a rapist who was caught in the act on videotape. No one talks to you because you are rape-loving scum. If you think otherwise, you are mistaken. Your beloved boys who scream “nigger” at black women and joke about killing and raping them may escape the worst charges, but they are not angels. You know it, we know it. That you defend them makes you such lowly, sleazy scum that it’s no wonder no one talks to you. They’re afraid by acknowledging you, they will catch the evil. Know this. Absorb it. Hope you enjoy sleeping at night, you sick, hateful bastards.

Wow Amanda makes any male dialouge that disagrees with her on her site look as natural as Osama Bin Laden at U.S. Naval Academy 4th of July event. She also has the habit of deleting people's posts that question her logic or offer valid counterpoints, along with people giving her a hard time.(Unlike the Cynics here who believe in a free market place of ideas.) While my opinion on certain kinds of women are admittedly low, I have never condoned rape or think its funny. However I do believe in Free Speech, personal responsibility and I consider myself a rather moderate fellow all round. With that said let us deconstruct Amanda:

Amanda, we need to talk its about your future on my campaign....

In her first response she is obiviously lashing out at the people who are making fun of her plight. Which is in poor taste, but then claims that anyone who has found this shirt funny to have lost their humanity.... Okay look gallows humor, its so wrong its funny, is always going to have an appeal to people because of the complexity of the human pysche and sometimes dark humor is the way we deal with heavy shit. I resent that she thinks that I "have given up my humanity," all I did was condem a criminal act and uphold free speech. Also I did note the intent of the shirt as a joke, and yes a bad one. And will people laugh at bad jokes, yes. Does it make them evil, no. Poor judgement and taste, yes, but again evil no. However Amanda, who apparently somehow got promoted to God, had decreed anyone who even giggled at this farce of a shirt no better than an animal. Nice Amanda, next time learn the first rule of tolerance when you face something, like free speech, you don't like. Just because you tolerate something doesn't mean you have to like it, you put up with it because other people put up with your shit so you extend the fucking favor.

...I know its tough to leave, please take this serverance I know you'll feel better. Take a bite, that's it, good girl. Just make sure you go out the back door.

In the next posting Amanda throws up a situation on rational person would defend to cover her ass, her big, fat, unattractive ass. (Yeah the insults come free kids) I am sure that the Duke Lax players are assholes, but they are innocent assholes. Innocent until proven guilty and so far innocent based on the evidence found. But Amanda would still burn these dumbasses, and they are dumbasses, at the stake if she could. She uses the racial slurs to ensure that she can vilify these dummies. Followed by a cute and subtle accusation that in fact they are guilty, by tossing the word "escape" in there. Escaping the worst of the charges Amanda? You mean like they actually did do it. Despite all the evidence? Despite the fact they are innocent until proven otherwise thanks to the way our legal system works, but you somehow through your divine nature know otherwise?

You sure seemed pissed when the Duke Lax boys close ranks and didn't talk to the police, its no like you have the right to remain silent, or let your lawyer speak for you. (Refering to In fact your divine powers even told you they were guilty. You go so far to call them rapists even before their trial, nice way to stay level headed while talking about something important to you. You don't both to say alleged or call them suspects or at least pretend to pay lip service to the idea of a legal system that is based upon evidence and presumption of innocence. Though you do seemed suprised that this even made it to trial.(Refering to Hey guess what humanity is not perfect and from 200 years ago to this present day we have seen a huge evolution in personal freedoms, interpretations of the law, intellectual thought, philosophy, and even the way we bake bread. Good and decent people want to see justice done, keyword here JUSTICE. That means evidence, a fair trial the whole nine yards, even if they are privelleged and want to lawyer up. Now if being an asshole was a crime you, me the Duke Lax team would probably all be sitting on death row (ladies first :P); but its not a crime so even though you hate what they represent doesnt mean you can take it out on them hoping someone listens to you and punishes them anyway.

Really there is no difference between you and Bill O'Rielly or the Westboro Baptists. You are nothing more than the polar opposite of Ann Coulter. You are all rabid extremists thinking that the whole of America should rally behind you. What makes you really sad is that you will stand up for good things i.e. against the war on Iraq but push to the extremes. Look Amanda I think you make people take rape far less seriously than they should because when they see your name attached to what may well be a well thought out arguement all they think is evil feminazi bitch or whatever. I think a T-Shirt is the least of worries and is far less a deadly enemy to you than your own rabid mind.

You may claim your Douchebag crown along with a pint of Ben and Jerry's for the ride home.

-Grey Fox

Sunday, February 18, 2007

Dating Smart.

Everyone has a friend that seems to end up dating women who make you think of that evolutionary chart of mankind, but in reverse. Every time they bring home a new girl, she is even worse than the last one. Its like tuning into watch a professional athlete and take interest in his career just after he hit his peak and is plummeting to earth. No words can do justice to describe to you some of the ham-fisted hog beasts for personalities I have seen cast their shadow across some friendships, bank accounts and lives. They are not all hideous in appearance, by their mind and personality are a first class trip into a Lovecraftian* nightmare of inferiority complexes and control issues.

(* I have no idea who Lovecraft is other than some trippy horror writer, but fuck it, if you do then there's some literary referential humor for you.)

But what drives men to date poorly? Many a Cosmo writer would claim these guys just don't understand the game of dating. Ah, great dating is now apparently a game. No one takes games seriously, except for professional players. But hey when's the last time you heard about someone being a professional dater, using relationships for fun, wealth, favors and even fame....

"If I hear one more question about who the father is I'll just DIE!"

Back to our regulary scheduled program.... Do I think there are some guys out there who have a snowballs chance in hell of getting a date. Sure, but I'm willing to bet a lot more guys run into constant frustration with the fact that a lot of women are not all sugar and spice. I believe a lot of guys just run into a lot of women enjoy being bitches, drama queens or are just fucking clueless about how to treat other people. Then you hear about the popular myth that a woman will not tell a guy she is not interested because she doesn't want to hurt his feelings. Though this is a whole other post all together simply put, when a guy hears "No" he knows to move on and not waste time. Women that do this either are not mature, or like keeping around a "Plan B." But right there you can see there is enough crap like that out there to discourage a guy from wanting to date and meet people.*

(* People meaning women, we know plenty of other guys, and no we do not want to meet a woman's guy friends and hang out as one big sausage fest.)

Dating smart is huge these days because so many taboos have been shattered by in Western culture that almost anything goes. Actually is should rephrase that, many taboos have been shattered for women. A woman can justify dating multiple men because she has the right to look around. But if a man dates around and a woman finds out about it and all of a sudden your that bastard they saw on the Lifetime daytime TV movie who left his crippled blind wife and 3 retarded children for her sister...

Then there is the whole idea of standards, which is fine. But then there are the little "tests" women like to put a potential date through. I liken these little tests to those used to prove witchcraft, there fucking retarded and jury rigged like a carnival game.

But fear not guys I'm here to help you cut through the crap......

My Smart Dating Tips:

  1. Quantity does not equal quality, but you have to go through a quantity of assholes to find the quality.
  2. Knowledge is power, if your friends know something that might raise a red flag or get her to raise her skirt use it.
  3. Confidence is key, you can fake it or you can have it based upon something you have or do. Like your mastery of carpentry or the fact you know you have other women date if this one doesn't work out.
  4. No means no, maybe means no, and yes is a definate maybe.
  5. Never call more than 3 times in a day, and even 3 is a lot. Seriously what the fuck do you have to talk about that requires three different conversations. While we are on it, never spend more than a minute on the phone say what you have to say.
  6. Compliments should be used sparringly and should never be over the top. If you think like you sound like some guy out of a date movie you are a souless cheeseball.
  7. Once you leave a message its on her to call you back, you do not keep calling back, you are not desperate.
  8. One night stands require game and the whole comfort barrier thing has to come down fast so play your hand accordingly. While the whole normal dating process revolves around developing a rapport over time. However both involve timing, which you should be aware of.
  9. You can care, just not that much.
  10. Never be afraid to stop dating someone or end a date early because she is an awful date.
  11. Never submit to games or tests, let the quantity of women out there work against the ones who want to "epic quests." Date other women and let the bitches on the high horses feet get cold in the corner.
  12. Listen to understand, not to talk back.
  13. If your "spider sense" is tingling and you think your date is a bad bitch, trust that little voice that warns you about danger, like sticking your dick in a door jamb and shutting the door.
  14. Don't date to date, or to please other people. This is the best way to have negative experiences.
  15. Have your own set of standards and stick to them. No free passes no exceptions.
  16. Burn bridges when you are done dating, make sure they know there is no second time around. Trust me your santiy will thank you later.
  17. Dating is a game, but it has to be a win-win game. Because if someone feels like they have lost they are going to want to do something to make them feel like they have turned the tables on you.
  18. Date lots of women, and always pack a condom. Never ever trust a woman you have just started to fuck to be on the pill or have condoms of her own for you.
  19. Never be afraid to let go of the rope, the more you pull the more someone will pull back and you will get nowhere. Drop the rope and they will move closer to you, without the effort.
  20. Don't waste time and time will be on your side.

-Grey Fox

Tuesday, February 13, 2007

V-Day! A Poem By Grey Fox

Hooray if you got a date and hooray if you don't;
If you have date you have to dress up nice,
Even if she's just wearing those ratty jeans
Still refusing to clean her pubic lice,
I sure hope you booked a nice place
Or a look of disgust will sit on her face,
It should be you disgusted;
Her wearing granny panties instead of sexy lace
Will make your boner dissapear without a trace,
Be sure to rush to the florist for the flowers
Be sure to buy the nicest floral arrangement in stock,
Or she probably won't suck your cock
Forcing you to mastribate into that grungy old sock

Now comes the dinner time
With awkward pauses and mundane talk
No hint of sex, Her Vag must be as dry as plain white chalk
Now comes the dancing, and the back straining dip
She's gotten a bit bigger now suffering hippo hip
Better smile and take it
Or you'll never make it
Her place now, this day is almost done
Now her comes your fun...

Here comes a headache no aspirin will cure
She starts getting bitchy when she should be demure
Rush about rush about your thoughts as they might
But no words will soothe this raging bovine sight
Your kicked back into the cold, cold night...
And she said you were the one raised in a barn
So travel on home to numb your arm
Giving yourself the love, with what they call the stranger
Because you are stirring no pangs for sex in her,
Happy V-Day dipshit!

-Grey Fox

Sunday, January 28, 2007

Four Reasons Why a Man Might Cheat

Cheat and get caught and you'll pay the price, which is often the severing of a long-standing and loving relationship. Why take that risk? Not that this excuses him in any way, but here are four reasons a man might give to justify cheating on his wife, according to Men's Health editor-in-chief David Zinczenko, who is also the author of 'Men, Love & Sex: The Complete User's Guide for Women' and 'The Abs Diet' series of books.

1. To fulfill his biology
It's Darwinian! "A man's main job, besides killing the saber-tooth, is to spread his seed in order to ensure the survival of his genetic legacy," says Zinczenko. "It's a man's biology to want to wander." Of course, he's quick to point out that doesn't mean men should wander. Still, the biological urge will be strong.

(I can hear a throng of women mutter bullshit, but I'll remind you that you pull this card everytime you throw your babies in trash cans and start domestic assualts because your biology is making you be bad not that your choosing to be bad. In any case a man shouldn't be fucking you anyways since if all those nasty little chemicals created by those biological reactions makes you incapable of making good choices then if a guy fucked you, it would be like fucking you when your drunk. You'd call it rape the next day while most guys call it beer googles when they have bad hook ups. So ladies you were bitching about...)

2. To get attention
Some men cheat because they aren't having frequent sex at home, but others who do have frequent sex at home still cheat. Why? "Because cheating isn't just about the sex," asserts Zinczenko. "Just as a woman who cheats may be seeking more affection than she's getting at home, a man often cheats because he's seeking the attention that he no longer gets at home." A new woman has a certain allure and mystery. Add to that a bit of flirtatious seduction, and many men just can't resist -- no matter how good they have it at home.

(Yeah this one time I was reading a contradiction that turned into a retarded paradox of an arugement. Look if the man was getting attention at home and regular sex then he would not have to go out to and cheat to get sex and attention. If its really that good at home then a man will stay home. This one goes out to all honies making monies: IF YOU USED SEX TO SNATCH UP YOUR MAN AND THEN TOOK SEX OUT OF THE EQUATION REST ASSURED HE WILL TAKE YOU OF THE EQUATION AND PUT SOMEONE IN YOUR PLACE. As for the lure and mystery that really belongs under excitement, but I guess only having 3 points instead of 4 doesn't make for much of an article )

3. To get out
Some men want to get out of their marriage, but they don't have the guts to properly end it. So they cheat in an attempt to drive their wife away. For some men, "the only way out is to commit the relationship sin that drives a woman away for good. It's not right, but it's what happens," admits Zinczenko.

(Okay so some guys may cheat to get out. Really if she doesn't want to leave and it takes her twinkie eating ass to see you dogging two cheerleaders in bed seriously, just be sure to tell her not try cry on the way out as it will mess up the audio for the camcorder, and not bumping the camcorder would be a plus or it will fuck up the overall production value.)

4. To change up his play list
File this under excitement. A long and loving marriage is often about comfortable routine. For some men, that routine may be boring. A new relationship adds zing and spice to life. Take heart, wives. "What men really want in relationships (and what I suspect women also want) is to be able to take comfort in the routine of a long-term commitment, as long as there are some surprises that make it feel like a new relationship every once in a while," asserts Zinczenko

(Fuck changing the playlist, how about showing me where they put the mute button! I love it how they think that only wives need to keep the excitement going, having had some lackluster girlfriends who exciting to play with as the third string of 1986 Montreal Expo's I think a lot of guys would call for a change in the line up. No such thing as a new relationship, that vagina is not going to get any less stretched out from all that "experimentation" in college. You are not a car that can be reupholstered, but we can sure damn well trade you off like a used one.)

Want More Love? Go to AOL Personals.(There are plenty of 40 year old men claiming to be 18 horny 18 year old chicks its all yours.)

Seriously if women don't want men to cheat its easy. First don't bait and switch your personality or sex habits. Second don't try to change us, you liked at first for what we stood for, don't be retarded if you take away what you first liked you are not going to create something better Dr. Frankenslut. Finally space is key, trust me if you don't realize you need time apart your brain has spent to much time apart from your body. And if you get cheated on and your not married move on, if your married thats a tough one especially when there are kids but thats not my problem.

-Grey Fox

The Race to 2008: Initial Impressions

So, as we all know, there are less than two years remaining before Chimpy McFlightsuit leaves Washington, DC. Simultaneously, a number of "esteemed" candidates have staked their interest in taking over the White House. As such, I thought I'd share some humble impressions I've had so far about the pending election:

1) Come together RIGHT NOW, dammit - Barack Obama and Hillary Clinton - two names you've undoubtedly been overexposed to right now - are essentially running on mirror platforms right now which centers on bringing both sides of the aisle together to make our country better than before. Uhbama - a name I gave to him after seeing how often he says 'Uh' when speaking - touched on this U-N-I-T-Y concept back in 2004 when he was a candidate for the Senate speaking at the Democratic National Convention. As recently as yesterday Hillary did a similar thing when speaking at a High School in Iowa.

To me, there's a critical issue in running this type of platform. Attempting to appease both sides of the aisle won't work because much of the country will simply not vote in a particular way. Instead of reaching out to the same groups that have a part in keeping the Democrats out of the White House, perhaps their energy would be better spent getting more voters out instead. As of right now, an absurd percentage of the country doesn't even go out to vote. Tapping into this group may be key to victory, instead of trying the Kerry tactic of moderation.

2) Conservatives in moderate clothing - As a self proclaimed cynical libertarian, I don't see the particular appeal in any of the mainstream candidates at this point. That being said, the two front running candidates for the republican party (I'd say McCain and Romney) are being painted as moderates with little good reason to me. The fact is:

1) Romney is moderate because Mass. (a left leaning state) has forced it on him and
2) McCain looks moderate because the country's been run by ultra conservatives for the past few years.

At this point, I'd just say that anyone who is still regretful about 2000 should not let that keep them from looking closely at what the records state.

These are two thoughts I have for now on the topic. As we come closer to 2008 I'll have more. For now I'm going to bang my head into the wall or something.


Wednesday, January 17, 2007

Stupid Bitches And How To Like Them, When You Have To.

For every guy out there, there is at least one female they would like nothing better than to give her both barrels when it comes to telling her exactly how you feel, angry even hate if she is really that bad. Why? Well you have your reasons and I have mine, but lets just accept the fact that every person we run into is not always going to be plucky and enjoyable to know. Personally I cannot stand loud mouthed hos who think they are the shit. Seriously not only is it a turn off for me for some girl to come up and tell me what she did with some guy or to confide in me that she has a stable of guys for bootycalls and there is "a stall open for me." To top it off if they work with you and think everytime the screw up a task its okay because they are cute, or at least the think they are, because they have warped their body image in their mind like they were constantly looking into a funhouse mirror. I'm sure you have your poster child for condoms you want to tout.

Sadly though we can't simply walkthrough life verbal guns a blazining. For one there maybe some people out there that actually like this stupid bitch you have to deal with. It could be a best friend's girlfriend, it could be a coworker or superior, it could be a family memeber, hell it could even be the mother of your children. Even worse they may hold influence over something important to you, like your bank loan, your surgical prepping, your tax return, and hopefully not your possible conviction and sentencing. More likely they may be friends with your girlfriend or the woman you want to date. Point is you will at some point have to tolerate them.

Keep in mind what tolerate means, it means you put up with something even though you don't like it. So you put up with this stupid bitch, and sometime you may even find yourself needing to pretend you are cool with them. You have to fake it. It sucks, it feels beneath you, dishonest even. But just like on every toliet seat, their are assholes in life you are going to come in contact with that you have to deal with. It takes a lot of work, its like training yourself to build resistances to certain posions, you have to start with small doses. Limit your interactions, especially the one on one stuff. If possible have a bunch of people, who are not douchebags, around when you have to do something with this person. Its like being trapped in a car with the windows locked and somebody farts, if you were alone you would pass out and die from the fumes. Fortunately these other poor souls who are stranded with you are heaving in the same noxious shit you are having to spreading out the amount of gas intake amongst the group. You can take solace in knowing that they are sharing your discomfort, plus this bitch you are dealing with can't focus all her douchebaggery on you. Eventually you can wait her out, either she will finally do something worth busting her chops over or she will piss someone else off or the whole group. Either way is fine, you just have to deal with them for as long as it serves some purpose and that they can't do anything back about it, like pushing a parapelgic in a wheelchair down a steep hill, into oncoming traffic is optional you heel.

-Grey Fox

Tuesday, January 16, 2007

How To Approach Women.

This goes out to all you Don Juanabees out there, the guys who want to pick women up but have a better chance of picking up their shattered egos after getting shot down, and for the guys who don't want to feel like they have to fake their way into bed. I have met many guys out there who claim to be players, many who claim that they can seduce any women they want, and even some who say they have a ready "stable" of women ready to fuck them. A couple have been true, some of them have either exgerated their skills, or are living in their own little world. The rest are liars who either don't date or don't know what they are doing. This is doubly true for most dating Gurus out there, they are frauds. Because they all have promise some you they have the magic bullet of dating, and that there way is the only way or the best way, and my personal favorite, the fool proof way. Actually there is no trick to it at all, its all about process. Just as telemarketers and stockbrokers have scripts they run off of when the approach new clients these commercial Casanova's use a their own script for picking up women. They are pretty much guaranteed to land something. Why you ask? Because of two reasons, first volume, by the massive number of attempts they go through they are mathematically promised to get sex out of a woman whether the success ratio is 10 to 1 or 100 to 1. Finally they only refine their script and process they do not do different things each time. By not changing their approach the set themselves up to target a select audience or to target a larger audience through broad appeal. Along with their massive pick up attempts does this ensure that mathematical probability of success. If you change the process your results with vary and so will that success ratio.
Sadly a lot of guys don't have the stomach, time or money to afford the books these guys hawk, read them, practice them, and let alone spend the money required to date the numbers needed to hit the ratio required for success. On top of that their are no fundamentals established so these guys know what to do.

Instead of preaching some system or giving you a laundry list of things to do. I'll just tell you what I do personally and my personal beliefs on dating. First off I know what I am looking for and that's important to me. Also for a lot of people that know me think I am a misogynist, that I hate women. But it goes a lot deeper than that, first I know what "kinds" of women I don't like, also I don't believe that women should be put up on a pedestal so I treat them equally as with everyone else which means they are not above me and can be subject to being questioned. Also the only difference between me and some guys who like to playful tease women as part of their game is the fact that the tone of my delivery makes me sound like I am verbally stabbing a woman with insults. Also what shocks the hell out of everyone is my lack of desire to date, be in relationships, marry or even have kids. But this is the apperance I put forth, if the right woman came along sure I would have no problem having a relationship, marrying and having a litter of kids. But its a hell of a thing to find that right woman. I don't focus on picking up a woman like it is something I have to do. Worrying about scoring only makes you desperate, and desperation is a stench any one can smell. Instead I just focus on being happy, building my career and making the most of life. As such women notice this, and the new relations I have begun to build with the new women I meet are better than the ones who know me from back in the day. Because back in the day I wasn't doing what I do now. The only real difference between me and any friend of mine is the fact that I like making obscure references with my humor and I just haven't found someone I like. Sure I can go out on dates and occasionally do for the hell of it but I just honestly have yet to be truelly inspired. It just comes if I let it, I don't care if it floods through the door or comes in once in a blue moon. I ask for phone numbers when I want, and call when I want. If its a good number fine and dandy, if its a dud well I know I'm not the first or the last. I gave up on fear and I just simply rejoice and more importantly laugh, I've made some good stories and I also laugh at some of the self important women I run into, I laugh at the bad calls I had made but was seemingly saved by being shot down though it didn't seem that way at the time, and I laugh when one of my friends decides to occasionally try and decypher me and women. I only chase when its worth it, and only then for so long. The rest of the time I'd rather the woman come to me because I can be lazy like that and if she was something special to begin with I'd have already done something. Plus I have the gift of knowledge, I know that even as I grow older I will become more attractive for other reasons like stability, networth, power and my desire to live like I'm young. This will let me pick and choose as long as I like. With women they are not so lucky, they get old and that means their beauty fades. On top of that there is always someone more beautiful to replace them, thats how this world keeps running, men get reminded of why its so much fun to populate the world. So I again laugh when I meet a stuck up woman, because how stuck up can she be when she is single, 50 and living with 3 cats. Simply be, be happy, be easy with it, and be constant in what you believe. Thats me when it comes to picking up women, win some lose never. I always win because at the end of the day I'm still happy whether I have a number, date, or fuck buddy or if I just have a bed to myself, no new number on my phone and a date that never happened, I'm still happy.

-Grey Fox

Monday, January 15, 2007

How To Escape From A Bad Date.

As many of you or many of you will find there is such a thing as a bad date. The common example is some random guy that doing something to turn some random girl off. How off you ask? Well to quote Ali he could turn the lights off so fast he could be in bed before it was dark, that off that quickly. But believe it or not for as many horror stories they may print up in Cosmo about man preforming poorly, (on the date jackass), there are just as many stories of women blowing their chance for a second date and a trip to the sack, because lets face it none of us are just seeing each other for the shared companionship, otherwise we'd all just be really good, plutonic, friends. So why don't we hear more about women being bad dates. Well who the hell would believe you she was a bad date, unless she was an escaped lunatic trying to make a spaceship to return to her home planet out of chopped off cocks; its been universally held that men are the bad daters. On top of that who would you really tell, to a lot of guys it may seem like seeing a UFO, they think they are the only person who has seen something that can't explain. But barring some 3 boobed alien chick, two in the front and one in the back for dancing, landing in you yard and whisking you away for an interstellar blowjob, trust me you are going to have a few bad dates.

The amazing thing is not all bad dates occur on the first date. See like many guys I reffer to chicks having what is called "pyscho cards." These are little moments that signify that not only the her is showing up, but that the real her is Hannibal Lecter...with daddy issues. Some chicks deal out these cards like a vegas blackjack dealer, and they are easy to spot. But then there are others that slip you a few bad hands over time, you don't notice until you are in a cult and its time to drink the cool aide. Well maybe not that bad, but there will be times when she will do some real crazy shit like threaten to kill herself if you left, or simply chase after your car with a knife in one hand and several photoshop images of what your children might look like. Think I'm kidding about that last one. So rather than get caught in a bad relationship why not head off that crap by avoiding, and if need be ditching that bad date in the first place.

First off you have to keep three things in mind before walking into that date:

1. You have standards, they are called standards for a reason. Some people, women, say men are picky if they have standards. If you really think about that all women are saying is that they do not want to go through the same rigorous bullshit they put men through while dating. Of course they don't call it rigorous bullshit, they call it "tests" to see if a guy meets their "standards." Think about it.

2. Realize that crazy is a bad thing. Sure everyone has the right to be their own creative "free spirited" person. But there is such a thing as too free spirited, because as emotionally high as these people get just think about the lows they get to plummet to when the snap or the meds run out. Also forget what people say about crazy bitches being fun in the sack, its not true I promise, mental instability is mental instability it will not turn her into Jenna Jameson. Her friends just told you she was "wild," but thats so they could palm her off onto you since all her drama was taking valuable time away from being with their men.

3. You damn well better learn to say "NO." No is a small about incredibly powerful word, if used correctly it can completely shut someone or an idea, like a second date, down. Don't try and soften the blow, don't try and talk her out of wanting to date you, don't try and reason or justify hanging or not haning out just say no. No is final, no is not reversible because it removes any question that something is up for negotations. No empowers you to take back your life by preventing someone's outside interests from conflicting with yours, namely not to have your face end up on the back of a milk carton one day.

Now not all bad dates with women involve mentally unstable bitches. Those are just the fun stories you get to laugh at one day with your buddies over a beer or when you do meet a good girl. Actually it is important to share some stories with your girl about stuff like this because it acts as a cautionary tale, lets her know what you do and don't tolerate, and gives you later justification to break up with her if she starts acting like one of your crazy ex-girlfriends. On a side note there is nothing more funny than telling a girl you are breaking up with her because you see her "as a continuation of a cycle of abuse you are trying to break." Its the easiest legit cope out break up move you can do, she can't question it, she damn well can't tell her friends because then they have to ask what she did to make you think it and if you come off sincere she'll probably just disappear from your life quickly since seeing you in public would be embarassing for her. Is it a shithead move, maybe, but last time I checked there are no rule books for dating and there are damn sure no Refs to call fouls.
No other bad dates just range from golddiggers, prudes, women with bitch fits, princesses, women who think they are players, rather commonly women who are just boring. Now you wouldn't want to waste your time and money on a crazy bitch and I'm sure you wouldn't want to waste your time on these.

So how do you escape a bad date, its pretty easy actually. Like your HMO its all about prevention. Get to know her first, and by that I mean let her talk. Give her the oppurtunity to talk about herself, focus on her. She won't know any better and she'll love the attention, more importantly the more she talks the more she gives away. She is more likely to shoot her foot off while she is shooting her mouth off to you. Next if any of your buddies know her or know about her never be afraid to ask, if they are your close friends they wouldn't steer you wrong and will warn if you have to be warned. Actually I myself have a standing policy with my friends in the event I get head overheels with a bitch that is bad for me and I can't see it, it is there job to literally kick my ass, hold me down and remind me I made them promise to do this if I ever dated a girl like that and couldn't see her for what she was. But that is how much I trust my inner circle of friends. On top of that keeping your options open works wonders, its like car shopping with so many different models why settle for a fucking Yugo.

So what if you are on a bad date and you want to run, well you can figure your own McGuyver plan out or you can do the easy way. Simply get up go to the bathroom and call a buddy and have him call you in 5 minutes so you can fake an emergency. Go back and sit down when he calls you better reach down and pull out your inner Harrison Ford and act like something serious just happened. Sick grandma, emergency at work, buddy stranded in Vegas and needs some cash from Western Union now-ish, you just realized you are Jack Bauers and you have 24 hours to save the world, again. Whatever, something earth shaking has just happened and this date is over. This allows you to do a couple of things, first you can get your date home safely, pay the bill and you can tell her that once things have settled down you'll call her. "You'll call her," which should mean you'll call her between tomorrow and the madien voyage of the first flying pig. Sure there are more direct things like saying this date is over, or simply going through with the whole date, which is painful and stupid. Not the calling the date over part, but having to fake your way through the date is far more crueler to her and especially you.

What if your date has been a special slice of super bitch this evening. Well nothing corrects bad behavior like negative reinforcement, at least thats what it says in my dog training manual, my dog used to piss all the time on my favorite chair, she didn't respond to my other attempts at stopping her which wear not negative responses. But I found that after putting her nose in it and saying "no, no" a couple of times she got the point. See sticking a real bitches nose in it in the dating world can be a real eye opener. Only under certain special occasions do I recommend sneaking out. Because nothing is more embarassing than realizing your date snuck out on you, stuck you with the bill and no means of transportation. And while you may feel bad that she is now stranded and fending for herself it will give her ample time to realize that you had a point on why the concept of Escape From New York was an awesome movie despite her constant eye rolling.... Actually the fact that someone got up and walked out on her without giving her the time of day as to why will take her down a peg or two. On top of that she has friends to call for a ride, some valiant goody two shoes guy will take pity on her and pay for her meal and a cab, or she has her own money. Now if she decides to walk home through a city at night by herself, thats not you being a shithead thats her being dumb and put herself in God and Darwin's hands. For you more gangster types you can tell her she to her face, get up, leave and tell her to find another way home. This humiliation is far more public and will definately crush that juiced up "woman's spirit" Oparh harps on about. And finally there is these two cop outs, one you aren't feeling well and two the wishy washy maybe its me or maybe its you but you just don't feel it speech. But really if you soften the blow how will your bad dates ever learn they are just that bad dates. Being sketchy and vague about telling someone you don't want to see them is what women do to avoid the responsibilty that comes with anyone who dates that is you don't string someone along and you damn well let them know they are wasting their time.

-Grey Fox