Wednesday, April 11, 2007

When Boyfriend And Girlfriend Become One: Or The Curse Of The Frankenbitch Dickenstien Monster

The Frankenbitch Dickenstien Monster:
(I know it looks like the offspring of two rednecks who cousin fucked each other at Chernobyl)
It's the uncomfortable combination of your best friend and signifigant other and all the bad shit they both bring to the table......

Confused? Well you'd be suprised the kind of crap you can find on the internet to literally illustrate what your talking about. Get a good look at that ugly, awkward and hopefully sterile creature, yeah you don't like the sight of it either. Good. Now I provided a caption and an extremely long title to give you an idea of where I'm going today in terms of subject matter. No its not transvestites or breaded circus women.....

No what this picture metaphysically represents is that one couple everyone seems to know, you know the boyfriend and girlfriend that would be tied to the hip if they hadn't already combined into one massive Voltron style headache. They won't do anything with out each other, and like Voltron if they are seperated from each other they become even more lame because they have been used to teaming up so much they have no idea what it means to spend time apart. If you have no idea what Voltron is just Google it bitch it was Saturday morning cartoons!!!

Yes This Motherfuckin' Voltron!

So why should I knock on a couple that can't get enough of each other? Well thats not the problem.... Its the fact they won't spend time apart, the fact they won't be their own person, the fact that they ruin all the stuff you used to do by including their other half, and that other half Yoko Ohno's guys or girls night out and splits up the to speak. Look when you want to spend time with your guy or girl you spend time with them, when its time to hang out with your friends you hang with them and sometimes that means going solo and leaving your other half behind. Its time to be honest your friends will never truely like whoever the fuck you date, because that just means its someone who is going to screw up your time to hang out, lead them by the dick or pussy and even use it to fuck up your friendships. When it stops being your buddy and more like your buddy with him or her it just sucks the life out of! No one is stopping to say honey do your own thing I need to spend the night out with the guys or girls so they and I still know we are able to hang out. No instead it becomes a major U.N. relief operation to Darfur everytime it comes time to hang out because now Frankenbitch Dickenstien have to decide what everyone should do so they both can enjoy it......which means you and everyone else are not. Couples never seem to stop doing couple things together and thats a problem. People by their very nature are both dependent and independent and when one nature gets thrown into overdrive it can make problems think extreme loners and co-dependent freaks. Maybe people are so afraid of not having a guy or girl to call their own they never stop to set down boundaries so their relationships don't spiral into a fucking nightmare and one of them goes insane when it ends because they made the relationship their whole reason for living. Thats why we get that icky feeling when couples are never seen anywhere without each other and never do things by themselves and that makes things suck. This monster's victims are not hearty Romanian villagers with overbites but just having a good time.

-Grey Fox

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