Why Everyone Should Despise the M.U.F.F.

M.U.F.F. (Noun): The term M.U.F.F. is an acronym used to describe a woman of low physical beauty and large girth. M.U.F.F. stands for My Ugly Fat Friend. Because the woman is exactly that ugly and fat. She is usually found along side moderately attractive to attractive women, because by being so ugly and fat she makes her friend look better by comparison. M.U.F.F.'s also typically act as the gatekeeper for better looking women and are typically subdued from their guard dog duty by what most men would call the act of "taking one for the team," or "leaping on the grenade."

Also see: A.U.F.W.L when in club or bar situations, refers to Ass Ugly Friend Who will want to Leave.

-Taken from the Lexicon Of Grey Fox

The M.U.F.F. is by far one of the most vile creatures you will come across on this earth. Sure there was Caine who after slaying his brother Able was forever marked by God and to be reviled by mankind, but there was only one of him, the numbers of M.U.F.Fs in the world definately out weigh one skinny guy from the Old Testament. Actually one good sized M.U.F.F. would out weigh him. What makes a M.U.F.F. so vile is not because a woman is ugly and fat, that just makes her unattractive, its what she stands for and more importantly allows herself to stand for.

You see a M.U.F.F. willing accepts the friendship of a hot girl, because that girl is in the IN crowd, she brings the M.U.F.F. social exposure, and fiegns friendship to her. In return the M.U.F.F. just has to be one part nun and one part bodyguard for the hot girl. The M.U.F.F. damn well knows that she is not real friends with this hot girl because they just "click" and can talk about anything. But she fools herself into thinking otherwise, the only reason that hot girl wants to talk to her M.U.F.F. is so she can have an emotional tampon to bleed all her spoiled feelings about boys that fustrate her and how her parents are bastards for not getting her that Louie Baton bag. Even worse a M.U.F.F. allows herself to be treated and trained like a dog. She goes where her master goes, the bar, the club, the movies, the mall and so on. The dog training kicks in when she watches which guys her hot girl master shots down, and eventually learns which ones she should cock block. For her reward she gets taken to Basket Robbins or late night Taco Bell for a treat. Don't believe me? Go look through the glass window some time its like their kennel.

If the loss of self respect is enough to despise these beasts, then its what happens to them as they serve out their time as a M.U.F.F. You see at first they start out naive, they believe that guys will want them just because they are around a hot girl. So naturally the get bitter when the guys hurdle past them like they were leaping over dog shit to keep their Aldo's nice and clean. And just when they think they are about to land one, thats when the wingman, the guy sent in to distract the M.U.F.F., runs like hell once his buddy is in with the hot girl. Overtime a little seed of jealously and bitterness takes root in their soul. Soon they start looking for guys to actively shoot down, even the one's her hot girl master likes. The M.U.F.F. will even fool herself into believe that she is in fact a hot girl, this accounts for all those fat girls in the club that dress way to "sexy" for their weight class. They get pissy, willfull and mouth off. Eventually they end up biting the hand that feeds them, and just like a puppy that has gotten older and is no longer cute, the master kicks her to the curb. Seriously the hot girl kicks the M.U.F.F. out her life because the M.U.F.F. has been sabotaging her relationships, scaring off decent men and dared to believe she and the hot girl were equals. So out on the street she goes and another M.U.F.F. gets called up and the cycle continues.

That's why M.U.F.Fs are so vile, they not only act like complete bitches to everyone by the time they become a full blown M.U.F.F. But they also willing become one to be accepted by the IN crowd. They accept slavery in a sense that they give up their free will, self respect and autonomy for the sake of following someone who promises the chance at something better by being their servant. Look ladies its okay to be fat, and you don't have to be pretty, you need to get your loving, well just not from me, but there are friends and guys out there for you. Please don't choose to be a M.U.F.F., its like drugs just say no.

You ladies may be saying to yourself, Grey Fox I am not the M.U.F.F. This could be true, but take a look at your friends if you cannot find the ugly fat one, I'd hit the home shopping channel up for a stairmaster and a makeover kit. There are better things than being a M.U.F.F. like a goth chick or a practice girl for some guy who needs to build confidence. But if you are a M.U.F.F. and don't care, then know society shuns you, men hate you, and your hot friends don't like you. Go have another twinkie.....

-Grey Fox