Four Reasons Why a Man Might Cheat
Cheat and get caught and you'll pay the price, which is often the severing of a long-standing and loving relationship. Why take that risk? Not that this excuses him in any way, but here are four reasons a man might give to justify cheating on his wife, according to Men's Health editor-in-chief David Zinczenko, who is also the author of 'Men, Love & Sex: The Complete User's Guide for Women' and 'The Abs Diet' series of books.
1. To fulfill his biology
It's Darwinian! "A man's main job, besides killing the saber-tooth, is to spread his seed in order to ensure the survival of his genetic legacy," says Zinczenko. "It's a man's biology to want to wander." Of course, he's quick to point out that doesn't mean men should wander. Still, the biological urge will be strong.
(I can hear a throng of women mutter bullshit, but I'll remind you that you pull this card everytime you throw your babies in trash cans and start domestic assualts because your biology is making you be bad not that your choosing to be bad. In any case a man shouldn't be fucking you anyways since if all those nasty little chemicals created by those biological reactions makes you incapable of making good choices then if a guy fucked you, it would be like fucking you when your drunk. You'd call it rape the next day while most guys call it beer googles when they have bad hook ups. So ladies you were bitching about...)
2. To get attention
Some men cheat because they aren't having frequent sex at home, but others who do have frequent sex at home still cheat. Why? "Because cheating isn't just about the sex," asserts Zinczenko. "Just as a woman who cheats may be seeking more affection than she's getting at home, a man often cheats because he's seeking the attention that he no longer gets at home." A new woman has a certain allure and mystery. Add to that a bit of flirtatious seduction, and many men just can't resist -- no matter how good they have it at home.
(Yeah this one time I was reading a contradiction that turned into a retarded paradox of an arugement. Look if the man was getting attention at home and regular sex then he would not have to go out to and cheat to get sex and attention. If its really that good at home then a man will stay home. This one goes out to all honies making monies: IF YOU USED SEX TO SNATCH UP YOUR MAN AND THEN TOOK SEX OUT OF THE EQUATION REST ASSURED HE WILL TAKE YOU OF THE EQUATION AND PUT SOMEONE IN YOUR PLACE. As for the lure and mystery that really belongs under excitement, but I guess only having 3 points instead of 4 doesn't make for much of an article )
3. To get out
Some men want to get out of their marriage, but they don't have the guts to properly end it. So they cheat in an attempt to drive their wife away. For some men, "the only way out is to commit the relationship sin that drives a woman away for good. It's not right, but it's what happens," admits Zinczenko.
(Okay so some guys may cheat to get out. Really if she doesn't want to leave and it takes her twinkie eating ass to see you dogging two cheerleaders in bed seriously, just be sure to tell her not try cry on the way out as it will mess up the audio for the camcorder, and not bumping the camcorder would be a plus or it will fuck up the overall production value.)
4. To change up his play list
File this under excitement. A long and loving marriage is often about comfortable routine. For some men, that routine may be boring. A new relationship adds zing and spice to life. Take heart, wives. "What men really want in relationships (and what I suspect women also want) is to be able to take comfort in the routine of a long-term commitment, as long as there are some surprises that make it feel like a new relationship every once in a while," asserts Zinczenko
(Fuck changing the playlist, how about showing me where they put the mute button! I love it how they think that only wives need to keep the excitement going, having had some lackluster girlfriends who exciting to play with as the third string of 1986 Montreal Expo's I think a lot of guys would call for a change in the line up. No such thing as a new relationship, that vagina is not going to get any less stretched out from all that "experimentation" in college. You are not a car that can be reupholstered, but we can sure damn well trade you off like a used one.)
Want More Love? Go to AOL Personals.(There are plenty of 40 year old men claiming to be 18 horny 18 year old chicks its all yours.)
Seriously if women don't want men to cheat its easy. First don't bait and switch your personality or sex habits. Second don't try to change us, you liked at first for what we stood for, don't be retarded if you take away what you first liked you are not going to create something better Dr. Frankenslut. Finally space is key, trust me if you don't realize you need time apart your brain has spent to much time apart from your body. And if you get cheated on and your not married move on, if your married thats a tough one especially when there are kids but thats not my problem.
-Grey Fox
Sunday, January 28, 2007
The Race to 2008: Initial Impressions
So, as we all know, there are less than two years remaining before Chimpy McFlightsuit leaves Washington, DC. Simultaneously, a number of "esteemed" candidates have staked their interest in taking over the White House. As such, I thought I'd share some humble impressions I've had so far about the pending election:
1) Come together RIGHT NOW, dammit - Barack Obama and Hillary Clinton - two names you've undoubtedly been overexposed to right now - are essentially running on mirror platforms right now which centers on bringing both sides of the aisle together to make our country better than before. Uhbama - a name I gave to him after seeing how often he says 'Uh' when speaking - touched on this U-N-I-T-Y concept back in 2004 when he was a candidate for the Senate speaking at the Democratic National Convention. As recently as yesterday Hillary did a similar thing when speaking at a High School in Iowa.
To me, there's a critical issue in running this type of platform. Attempting to appease both sides of the aisle won't work because much of the country will simply not vote in a particular way. Instead of reaching out to the same groups that have a part in keeping the Democrats out of the White House, perhaps their energy would be better spent getting more voters out instead. As of right now, an absurd percentage of the country doesn't even go out to vote. Tapping into this group may be key to victory, instead of trying the Kerry tactic of moderation.
2) Conservatives in moderate clothing - As a self proclaimed cynical libertarian, I don't see the particular appeal in any of the mainstream candidates at this point. That being said, the two front running candidates for the republican party (I'd say McCain and Romney) are being painted as moderates with little good reason to me. The fact is:
1) Romney is moderate because Mass. (a left leaning state) has forced it on him and
2) McCain looks moderate because the country's been run by ultra conservatives for the past few years.
At this point, I'd just say that anyone who is still regretful about 2000 should not let that keep them from looking closely at what the records state.
These are two thoughts I have for now on the topic. As we come closer to 2008 I'll have more. For now I'm going to bang my head into the wall or something.
-TBC
1) Come together RIGHT NOW, dammit - Barack Obama and Hillary Clinton - two names you've undoubtedly been overexposed to right now - are essentially running on mirror platforms right now which centers on bringing both sides of the aisle together to make our country better than before. Uhbama - a name I gave to him after seeing how often he says 'Uh' when speaking - touched on this U-N-I-T-Y concept back in 2004 when he was a candidate for the Senate speaking at the Democratic National Convention. As recently as yesterday Hillary did a similar thing when speaking at a High School in Iowa.
To me, there's a critical issue in running this type of platform. Attempting to appease both sides of the aisle won't work because much of the country will simply not vote in a particular way. Instead of reaching out to the same groups that have a part in keeping the Democrats out of the White House, perhaps their energy would be better spent getting more voters out instead. As of right now, an absurd percentage of the country doesn't even go out to vote. Tapping into this group may be key to victory, instead of trying the Kerry tactic of moderation.
2) Conservatives in moderate clothing - As a self proclaimed cynical libertarian, I don't see the particular appeal in any of the mainstream candidates at this point. That being said, the two front running candidates for the republican party (I'd say McCain and Romney) are being painted as moderates with little good reason to me. The fact is:
1) Romney is moderate because Mass. (a left leaning state) has forced it on him and
2) McCain looks moderate because the country's been run by ultra conservatives for the past few years.
At this point, I'd just say that anyone who is still regretful about 2000 should not let that keep them from looking closely at what the records state.
These are two thoughts I have for now on the topic. As we come closer to 2008 I'll have more. For now I'm going to bang my head into the wall or something.
-TBC
Wednesday, January 17, 2007
Stupid Bitches And How To Like Them, When You Have To.
For every guy out there, there is at least one female they would like nothing better than to give her both barrels when it comes to telling her exactly how you feel, angry even hate if she is really that bad. Why? Well you have your reasons and I have mine, but lets just accept the fact that every person we run into is not always going to be plucky and enjoyable to know. Personally I cannot stand loud mouthed hos who think they are the shit. Seriously not only is it a turn off for me for some girl to come up and tell me what she did with some guy or to confide in me that she has a stable of guys for bootycalls and there is "a stall open for me." To top it off if they work with you and think everytime the screw up a task its okay because they are cute, or at least the think they are, because they have warped their body image in their mind like they were constantly looking into a funhouse mirror. I'm sure you have your poster child for condoms you want to tout.
Sadly though we can't simply walkthrough life verbal guns a blazining. For one there maybe some people out there that actually like this stupid bitch you have to deal with. It could be a best friend's girlfriend, it could be a coworker or superior, it could be a family memeber, hell it could even be the mother of your children. Even worse they may hold influence over something important to you, like your bank loan, your surgical prepping, your tax return, and hopefully not your possible conviction and sentencing. More likely they may be friends with your girlfriend or the woman you want to date. Point is you will at some point have to tolerate them.
Keep in mind what tolerate means, it means you put up with something even though you don't like it. So you put up with this stupid bitch, and sometime you may even find yourself needing to pretend you are cool with them. You have to fake it. It sucks, it feels beneath you, dishonest even. But just like on every toliet seat, their are assholes in life you are going to come in contact with that you have to deal with. It takes a lot of work, its like training yourself to build resistances to certain posions, you have to start with small doses. Limit your interactions, especially the one on one stuff. If possible have a bunch of people, who are not douchebags, around when you have to do something with this person. Its like being trapped in a car with the windows locked and somebody farts, if you were alone you would pass out and die from the fumes. Fortunately these other poor souls who are stranded with you are heaving in the same noxious shit you are having to spreading out the amount of gas intake amongst the group. You can take solace in knowing that they are sharing your discomfort, plus this bitch you are dealing with can't focus all her douchebaggery on you. Eventually you can wait her out, either she will finally do something worth busting her chops over or she will piss someone else off or the whole group. Either way is fine, you just have to deal with them for as long as it serves some purpose and that they can't do anything back about it, like pushing a parapelgic in a wheelchair down a steep hill, into oncoming traffic is optional you heel.
-Grey Fox
Sadly though we can't simply walkthrough life verbal guns a blazining. For one there maybe some people out there that actually like this stupid bitch you have to deal with. It could be a best friend's girlfriend, it could be a coworker or superior, it could be a family memeber, hell it could even be the mother of your children. Even worse they may hold influence over something important to you, like your bank loan, your surgical prepping, your tax return, and hopefully not your possible conviction and sentencing. More likely they may be friends with your girlfriend or the woman you want to date. Point is you will at some point have to tolerate them.
Keep in mind what tolerate means, it means you put up with something even though you don't like it. So you put up with this stupid bitch, and sometime you may even find yourself needing to pretend you are cool with them. You have to fake it. It sucks, it feels beneath you, dishonest even. But just like on every toliet seat, their are assholes in life you are going to come in contact with that you have to deal with. It takes a lot of work, its like training yourself to build resistances to certain posions, you have to start with small doses. Limit your interactions, especially the one on one stuff. If possible have a bunch of people, who are not douchebags, around when you have to do something with this person. Its like being trapped in a car with the windows locked and somebody farts, if you were alone you would pass out and die from the fumes. Fortunately these other poor souls who are stranded with you are heaving in the same noxious shit you are having to spreading out the amount of gas intake amongst the group. You can take solace in knowing that they are sharing your discomfort, plus this bitch you are dealing with can't focus all her douchebaggery on you. Eventually you can wait her out, either she will finally do something worth busting her chops over or she will piss someone else off or the whole group. Either way is fine, you just have to deal with them for as long as it serves some purpose and that they can't do anything back about it, like pushing a parapelgic in a wheelchair down a steep hill, into oncoming traffic is optional you heel.
-Grey Fox
Tuesday, January 16, 2007
How To Approach Women.
This goes out to all you Don Juanabees out there, the guys who want to pick women up but have a better chance of picking up their shattered egos after getting shot down, and for the guys who don't want to feel like they have to fake their way into bed. I have met many guys out there who claim to be players, many who claim that they can seduce any women they want, and even some who say they have a ready "stable" of women ready to fuck them. A couple have been true, some of them have either exgerated their skills, or are living in their own little world. The rest are liars who either don't date or don't know what they are doing. This is doubly true for most dating Gurus out there, they are frauds. Because they all have promise some you they have the magic bullet of dating, and that there way is the only way or the best way, and my personal favorite, the fool proof way. Actually there is no trick to it at all, its all about process. Just as telemarketers and stockbrokers have scripts they run off of when the approach new clients these commercial Casanova's use a their own script for picking up women. They are pretty much guaranteed to land something. Why you ask? Because of two reasons, first volume, by the massive number of attempts they go through they are mathematically promised to get sex out of a woman whether the success ratio is 10 to 1 or 100 to 1. Finally they only refine their script and process they do not do different things each time. By not changing their approach the set themselves up to target a select audience or to target a larger audience through broad appeal. Along with their massive pick up attempts does this ensure that mathematical probability of success. If you change the process your results with vary and so will that success ratio.
Sadly a lot of guys don't have the stomach, time or money to afford the books these guys hawk, read them, practice them, and let alone spend the money required to date the numbers needed to hit the ratio required for success. On top of that their are no fundamentals established so these guys know what to do.
Instead of preaching some system or giving you a laundry list of things to do. I'll just tell you what I do personally and my personal beliefs on dating. First off I know what I am looking for and that's important to me. Also for a lot of people that know me think I am a misogynist, that I hate women. But it goes a lot deeper than that, first I know what "kinds" of women I don't like, also I don't believe that women should be put up on a pedestal so I treat them equally as with everyone else which means they are not above me and can be subject to being questioned. Also the only difference between me and some guys who like to playful tease women as part of their game is the fact that the tone of my delivery makes me sound like I am verbally stabbing a woman with insults. Also what shocks the hell out of everyone is my lack of desire to date, be in relationships, marry or even have kids. But this is the apperance I put forth, if the right woman came along sure I would have no problem having a relationship, marrying and having a litter of kids. But its a hell of a thing to find that right woman. I don't focus on picking up a woman like it is something I have to do. Worrying about scoring only makes you desperate, and desperation is a stench any one can smell. Instead I just focus on being happy, building my career and making the most of life. As such women notice this, and the new relations I have begun to build with the new women I meet are better than the ones who know me from back in the day. Because back in the day I wasn't doing what I do now. The only real difference between me and any friend of mine is the fact that I like making obscure references with my humor and I just haven't found someone I like. Sure I can go out on dates and occasionally do for the hell of it but I just honestly have yet to be truelly inspired. It just comes if I let it, I don't care if it floods through the door or comes in once in a blue moon. I ask for phone numbers when I want, and call when I want. If its a good number fine and dandy, if its a dud well I know I'm not the first or the last. I gave up on fear and I just simply rejoice and more importantly laugh, I've made some good stories and I also laugh at some of the self important women I run into, I laugh at the bad calls I had made but was seemingly saved by being shot down though it didn't seem that way at the time, and I laugh when one of my friends decides to occasionally try and decypher me and women. I only chase when its worth it, and only then for so long. The rest of the time I'd rather the woman come to me because I can be lazy like that and if she was something special to begin with I'd have already done something. Plus I have the gift of knowledge, I know that even as I grow older I will become more attractive for other reasons like stability, networth, power and my desire to live like I'm young. This will let me pick and choose as long as I like. With women they are not so lucky, they get old and that means their beauty fades. On top of that there is always someone more beautiful to replace them, thats how this world keeps running, men get reminded of why its so much fun to populate the world. So I again laugh when I meet a stuck up woman, because how stuck up can she be when she is single, 50 and living with 3 cats. Simply be, be happy, be easy with it, and be constant in what you believe. Thats me when it comes to picking up women, win some lose never. I always win because at the end of the day I'm still happy whether I have a number, date, or fuck buddy or if I just have a bed to myself, no new number on my phone and a date that never happened, I'm still happy.
-Grey Fox
Sadly a lot of guys don't have the stomach, time or money to afford the books these guys hawk, read them, practice them, and let alone spend the money required to date the numbers needed to hit the ratio required for success. On top of that their are no fundamentals established so these guys know what to do.
Instead of preaching some system or giving you a laundry list of things to do. I'll just tell you what I do personally and my personal beliefs on dating. First off I know what I am looking for and that's important to me. Also for a lot of people that know me think I am a misogynist, that I hate women. But it goes a lot deeper than that, first I know what "kinds" of women I don't like, also I don't believe that women should be put up on a pedestal so I treat them equally as with everyone else which means they are not above me and can be subject to being questioned. Also the only difference between me and some guys who like to playful tease women as part of their game is the fact that the tone of my delivery makes me sound like I am verbally stabbing a woman with insults. Also what shocks the hell out of everyone is my lack of desire to date, be in relationships, marry or even have kids. But this is the apperance I put forth, if the right woman came along sure I would have no problem having a relationship, marrying and having a litter of kids. But its a hell of a thing to find that right woman. I don't focus on picking up a woman like it is something I have to do. Worrying about scoring only makes you desperate, and desperation is a stench any one can smell. Instead I just focus on being happy, building my career and making the most of life. As such women notice this, and the new relations I have begun to build with the new women I meet are better than the ones who know me from back in the day. Because back in the day I wasn't doing what I do now. The only real difference between me and any friend of mine is the fact that I like making obscure references with my humor and I just haven't found someone I like. Sure I can go out on dates and occasionally do for the hell of it but I just honestly have yet to be truelly inspired. It just comes if I let it, I don't care if it floods through the door or comes in once in a blue moon. I ask for phone numbers when I want, and call when I want. If its a good number fine and dandy, if its a dud well I know I'm not the first or the last. I gave up on fear and I just simply rejoice and more importantly laugh, I've made some good stories and I also laugh at some of the self important women I run into, I laugh at the bad calls I had made but was seemingly saved by being shot down though it didn't seem that way at the time, and I laugh when one of my friends decides to occasionally try and decypher me and women. I only chase when its worth it, and only then for so long. The rest of the time I'd rather the woman come to me because I can be lazy like that and if she was something special to begin with I'd have already done something. Plus I have the gift of knowledge, I know that even as I grow older I will become more attractive for other reasons like stability, networth, power and my desire to live like I'm young. This will let me pick and choose as long as I like. With women they are not so lucky, they get old and that means their beauty fades. On top of that there is always someone more beautiful to replace them, thats how this world keeps running, men get reminded of why its so much fun to populate the world. So I again laugh when I meet a stuck up woman, because how stuck up can she be when she is single, 50 and living with 3 cats. Simply be, be happy, be easy with it, and be constant in what you believe. Thats me when it comes to picking up women, win some lose never. I always win because at the end of the day I'm still happy whether I have a number, date, or fuck buddy or if I just have a bed to myself, no new number on my phone and a date that never happened, I'm still happy.
-Grey Fox
Monday, January 15, 2007
How To Escape From A Bad Date.
As many of you or many of you will find there is such a thing as a bad date. The common example is some random guy that doing something to turn some random girl off. How off you ask? Well to quote Ali he could turn the lights off so fast he could be in bed before it was dark, that off that quickly. But believe it or not for as many horror stories they may print up in Cosmo about man preforming poorly, (on the date jackass), there are just as many stories of women blowing their chance for a second date and a trip to the sack, because lets face it none of us are just seeing each other for the shared companionship, otherwise we'd all just be really good, plutonic, friends. So why don't we hear more about women being bad dates. Well who the hell would believe you she was a bad date, unless she was an escaped lunatic trying to make a spaceship to return to her home planet out of chopped off cocks; its been universally held that men are the bad daters. On top of that who would you really tell, to a lot of guys it may seem like seeing a UFO, they think they are the only person who has seen something that can't explain. But barring some 3 boobed alien chick, two in the front and one in the back for dancing, landing in you yard and whisking you away for an interstellar blowjob, trust me you are going to have a few bad dates.
The amazing thing is not all bad dates occur on the first date. See like many guys I reffer to chicks having what is called "pyscho cards." These are little moments that signify that not only the her is showing up, but that the real her is Hannibal Lecter...with daddy issues. Some chicks deal out these cards like a vegas blackjack dealer, and they are easy to spot. But then there are others that slip you a few bad hands over time, you don't notice until you are in a cult and its time to drink the cool aide. Well maybe not that bad, but there will be times when she will do some real crazy shit like threaten to kill herself if you left, or simply chase after your car with a knife in one hand and several photoshop images of what your children might look like. Think I'm kidding about that last one. So rather than get caught in a bad relationship why not head off that crap by avoiding, and if need be ditching that bad date in the first place.
First off you have to keep three things in mind before walking into that date:
1. You have standards, they are called standards for a reason. Some people, women, say men are picky if they have standards. If you really think about that all women are saying is that they do not want to go through the same rigorous bullshit they put men through while dating. Of course they don't call it rigorous bullshit, they call it "tests" to see if a guy meets their "standards." Think about it.
2. Realize that crazy is a bad thing. Sure everyone has the right to be their own creative "free spirited" person. But there is such a thing as too free spirited, because as emotionally high as these people get just think about the lows they get to plummet to when the snap or the meds run out. Also forget what people say about crazy bitches being fun in the sack, its not true I promise, mental instability is mental instability it will not turn her into Jenna Jameson. Her friends just told you she was "wild," but thats so they could palm her off onto you since all her drama was taking valuable time away from being with their men.
3. You damn well better learn to say "NO." No is a small about incredibly powerful word, if used correctly it can completely shut someone or an idea, like a second date, down. Don't try and soften the blow, don't try and talk her out of wanting to date you, don't try and reason or justify hanging or not haning out just say no. No is final, no is not reversible because it removes any question that something is up for negotations. No empowers you to take back your life by preventing someone's outside interests from conflicting with yours, namely not to have your face end up on the back of a milk carton one day.
Now not all bad dates with women involve mentally unstable bitches. Those are just the fun stories you get to laugh at one day with your buddies over a beer or when you do meet a good girl. Actually it is important to share some stories with your girl about stuff like this because it acts as a cautionary tale, lets her know what you do and don't tolerate, and gives you later justification to break up with her if she starts acting like one of your crazy ex-girlfriends. On a side note there is nothing more funny than telling a girl you are breaking up with her because you see her "as a continuation of a cycle of abuse you are trying to break." Its the easiest legit cope out break up move you can do, she can't question it, she damn well can't tell her friends because then they have to ask what she did to make you think it and if you come off sincere she'll probably just disappear from your life quickly since seeing you in public would be embarassing for her. Is it a shithead move, maybe, but last time I checked there are no rule books for dating and there are damn sure no Refs to call fouls.
No other bad dates just range from golddiggers, prudes, women with bitch fits, princesses, women who think they are players, rather commonly women who are just boring. Now you wouldn't want to waste your time and money on a crazy bitch and I'm sure you wouldn't want to waste your time on these.
So how do you escape a bad date, its pretty easy actually. Like your HMO its all about prevention. Get to know her first, and by that I mean let her talk. Give her the oppurtunity to talk about herself, focus on her. She won't know any better and she'll love the attention, more importantly the more she talks the more she gives away. She is more likely to shoot her foot off while she is shooting her mouth off to you. Next if any of your buddies know her or know about her never be afraid to ask, if they are your close friends they wouldn't steer you wrong and will warn if you have to be warned. Actually I myself have a standing policy with my friends in the event I get head overheels with a bitch that is bad for me and I can't see it, it is there job to literally kick my ass, hold me down and remind me I made them promise to do this if I ever dated a girl like that and couldn't see her for what she was. But that is how much I trust my inner circle of friends. On top of that keeping your options open works wonders, its like car shopping with so many different models why settle for a fucking Yugo.
So what if you are on a bad date and you want to run, well you can figure your own McGuyver plan out or you can do the easy way. Simply get up go to the bathroom and call a buddy and have him call you in 5 minutes so you can fake an emergency. Go back and sit down when he calls you better reach down and pull out your inner Harrison Ford and act like something serious just happened. Sick grandma, emergency at work, buddy stranded in Vegas and needs some cash from Western Union now-ish, you just realized you are Jack Bauers and you have 24 hours to save the world, again. Whatever, something earth shaking has just happened and this date is over. This allows you to do a couple of things, first you can get your date home safely, pay the bill and you can tell her that once things have settled down you'll call her. "You'll call her," which should mean you'll call her between tomorrow and the madien voyage of the first flying pig. Sure there are more direct things like saying this date is over, or simply going through with the whole date, which is painful and stupid. Not the calling the date over part, but having to fake your way through the date is far more crueler to her and especially you.
What if your date has been a special slice of super bitch this evening. Well nothing corrects bad behavior like negative reinforcement, at least thats what it says in my dog training manual, my dog used to piss all the time on my favorite chair, she didn't respond to my other attempts at stopping her which wear not negative responses. But I found that after putting her nose in it and saying "no, no" a couple of times she got the point. See sticking a real bitches nose in it in the dating world can be a real eye opener. Only under certain special occasions do I recommend sneaking out. Because nothing is more embarassing than realizing your date snuck out on you, stuck you with the bill and no means of transportation. And while you may feel bad that she is now stranded and fending for herself it will give her ample time to realize that you had a point on why the concept of Escape From New York was an awesome movie despite her constant eye rolling.... Actually the fact that someone got up and walked out on her without giving her the time of day as to why will take her down a peg or two. On top of that she has friends to call for a ride, some valiant goody two shoes guy will take pity on her and pay for her meal and a cab, or she has her own money. Now if she decides to walk home through a city at night by herself, thats not you being a shithead thats her being dumb and put herself in God and Darwin's hands. For you more gangster types you can tell her she to her face, get up, leave and tell her to find another way home. This humiliation is far more public and will definately crush that juiced up "woman's spirit" Oparh harps on about. And finally there is these two cop outs, one you aren't feeling well and two the wishy washy maybe its me or maybe its you but you just don't feel it speech. But really if you soften the blow how will your bad dates ever learn they are just that bad dates. Being sketchy and vague about telling someone you don't want to see them is what women do to avoid the responsibilty that comes with anyone who dates that is you don't string someone along and you damn well let them know they are wasting their time.
-Grey Fox
The amazing thing is not all bad dates occur on the first date. See like many guys I reffer to chicks having what is called "pyscho cards." These are little moments that signify that not only the her is showing up, but that the real her is Hannibal Lecter...with daddy issues. Some chicks deal out these cards like a vegas blackjack dealer, and they are easy to spot. But then there are others that slip you a few bad hands over time, you don't notice until you are in a cult and its time to drink the cool aide. Well maybe not that bad, but there will be times when she will do some real crazy shit like threaten to kill herself if you left, or simply chase after your car with a knife in one hand and several photoshop images of what your children might look like. Think I'm kidding about that last one. So rather than get caught in a bad relationship why not head off that crap by avoiding, and if need be ditching that bad date in the first place.
First off you have to keep three things in mind before walking into that date:
1. You have standards, they are called standards for a reason. Some people, women, say men are picky if they have standards. If you really think about that all women are saying is that they do not want to go through the same rigorous bullshit they put men through while dating. Of course they don't call it rigorous bullshit, they call it "tests" to see if a guy meets their "standards." Think about it.
2. Realize that crazy is a bad thing. Sure everyone has the right to be their own creative "free spirited" person. But there is such a thing as too free spirited, because as emotionally high as these people get just think about the lows they get to plummet to when the snap or the meds run out. Also forget what people say about crazy bitches being fun in the sack, its not true I promise, mental instability is mental instability it will not turn her into Jenna Jameson. Her friends just told you she was "wild," but thats so they could palm her off onto you since all her drama was taking valuable time away from being with their men.
3. You damn well better learn to say "NO." No is a small about incredibly powerful word, if used correctly it can completely shut someone or an idea, like a second date, down. Don't try and soften the blow, don't try and talk her out of wanting to date you, don't try and reason or justify hanging or not haning out just say no. No is final, no is not reversible because it removes any question that something is up for negotations. No empowers you to take back your life by preventing someone's outside interests from conflicting with yours, namely not to have your face end up on the back of a milk carton one day.
Now not all bad dates with women involve mentally unstable bitches. Those are just the fun stories you get to laugh at one day with your buddies over a beer or when you do meet a good girl. Actually it is important to share some stories with your girl about stuff like this because it acts as a cautionary tale, lets her know what you do and don't tolerate, and gives you later justification to break up with her if she starts acting like one of your crazy ex-girlfriends. On a side note there is nothing more funny than telling a girl you are breaking up with her because you see her "as a continuation of a cycle of abuse you are trying to break." Its the easiest legit cope out break up move you can do, she can't question it, she damn well can't tell her friends because then they have to ask what she did to make you think it and if you come off sincere she'll probably just disappear from your life quickly since seeing you in public would be embarassing for her. Is it a shithead move, maybe, but last time I checked there are no rule books for dating and there are damn sure no Refs to call fouls.
No other bad dates just range from golddiggers, prudes, women with bitch fits, princesses, women who think they are players, rather commonly women who are just boring. Now you wouldn't want to waste your time and money on a crazy bitch and I'm sure you wouldn't want to waste your time on these.
So how do you escape a bad date, its pretty easy actually. Like your HMO its all about prevention. Get to know her first, and by that I mean let her talk. Give her the oppurtunity to talk about herself, focus on her. She won't know any better and she'll love the attention, more importantly the more she talks the more she gives away. She is more likely to shoot her foot off while she is shooting her mouth off to you. Next if any of your buddies know her or know about her never be afraid to ask, if they are your close friends they wouldn't steer you wrong and will warn if you have to be warned. Actually I myself have a standing policy with my friends in the event I get head overheels with a bitch that is bad for me and I can't see it, it is there job to literally kick my ass, hold me down and remind me I made them promise to do this if I ever dated a girl like that and couldn't see her for what she was. But that is how much I trust my inner circle of friends. On top of that keeping your options open works wonders, its like car shopping with so many different models why settle for a fucking Yugo.
So what if you are on a bad date and you want to run, well you can figure your own McGuyver plan out or you can do the easy way. Simply get up go to the bathroom and call a buddy and have him call you in 5 minutes so you can fake an emergency. Go back and sit down when he calls you better reach down and pull out your inner Harrison Ford and act like something serious just happened. Sick grandma, emergency at work, buddy stranded in Vegas and needs some cash from Western Union now-ish, you just realized you are Jack Bauers and you have 24 hours to save the world, again. Whatever, something earth shaking has just happened and this date is over. This allows you to do a couple of things, first you can get your date home safely, pay the bill and you can tell her that once things have settled down you'll call her. "You'll call her," which should mean you'll call her between tomorrow and the madien voyage of the first flying pig. Sure there are more direct things like saying this date is over, or simply going through with the whole date, which is painful and stupid. Not the calling the date over part, but having to fake your way through the date is far more crueler to her and especially you.
What if your date has been a special slice of super bitch this evening. Well nothing corrects bad behavior like negative reinforcement, at least thats what it says in my dog training manual, my dog used to piss all the time on my favorite chair, she didn't respond to my other attempts at stopping her which wear not negative responses. But I found that after putting her nose in it and saying "no, no" a couple of times she got the point. See sticking a real bitches nose in it in the dating world can be a real eye opener. Only under certain special occasions do I recommend sneaking out. Because nothing is more embarassing than realizing your date snuck out on you, stuck you with the bill and no means of transportation. And while you may feel bad that she is now stranded and fending for herself it will give her ample time to realize that you had a point on why the concept of Escape From New York was an awesome movie despite her constant eye rolling.... Actually the fact that someone got up and walked out on her without giving her the time of day as to why will take her down a peg or two. On top of that she has friends to call for a ride, some valiant goody two shoes guy will take pity on her and pay for her meal and a cab, or she has her own money. Now if she decides to walk home through a city at night by herself, thats not you being a shithead thats her being dumb and put herself in God and Darwin's hands. For you more gangster types you can tell her she to her face, get up, leave and tell her to find another way home. This humiliation is far more public and will definately crush that juiced up "woman's spirit" Oparh harps on about. And finally there is these two cop outs, one you aren't feeling well and two the wishy washy maybe its me or maybe its you but you just don't feel it speech. But really if you soften the blow how will your bad dates ever learn they are just that bad dates. Being sketchy and vague about telling someone you don't want to see them is what women do to avoid the responsibilty that comes with anyone who dates that is you don't string someone along and you damn well let them know they are wasting their time.
-Grey Fox
Sunday, January 7, 2007
Happy Holidays.
Happy Holidays, we are currently on break and will be back next week. Stay Tuned.
-Grey Fox
Wednesday, December 20, 2006
Laughing All The Way To The Open Bar....
Warning if you are a woman or Hugo Boy you will be offended.
So I recently went to the wedding of a friend, who by all accounts including mine has married a nice girl. It will probably work out because they were damn sure to lay out just what each of them wanted to do and his prenup is iron clad. My friend is an optimist, but he knows the odds too. Some relatives of mine were also there because he knew them as well having worked with some of them. After his wedding ceremony was over here is where the fun begins...Having come from a client meeting and knowing that I was going to a wedding I was looking my absolute finest. No sooner than the ceremony was over friends and relatives started looking at me and saying that "I was too cute not to have a girlfriend," and of course when I was going to get married. One of the brides friends who has been dying to get married since the age of 12 and will the be last one of her friends to get married asked if I wouldn't mind giving her a ride to the after party the converstation on the ride over runs like this:
Her: So what are you doing now?
Me: I work as an investment adviser in the city.
Her: So thats how you afford nice things?
Me: Yes, that is how I afford nice things for myself.
Her: So what do you do on the weekends for fun?
Me: I go out to clubs or bars for dinner and drinks, maybe catch a comedy act if someone good is in town.
Her: Wow, you and your girlfriend must have a great time, its too bad she couldn't make it today.
Me: I don't date.
Her: Your single!
Me: I don't date.
Her: Your not gay are you?
Me: No, I just don't date.
Her: Well how the hell are we suppossed to go out?
Me: We are not.
Now there is nothing physically wrong with this girl, she isnt fat, ugly or the elephant man's daughter. But she does have that I need a man vibe. As for me I simply don't date for the simple reason is that I am happy and intend to stay that way. Actually everytime I have dated a woman i did it when I was actually in a good place in life but after all was said and done I actually was worse of than when I started. So it went like rolling a boulder up a hill just to have it roll back down at you. Thanks but I only intend to keep moving up in the world not down.So as we pull up to the reception she streaks out of the passanger seat crying, because apparently I don't love her or she was probably thinking of the happy bride and groom dancing in the ballroom and how that she was not going be that happy bride....EVER. So a few of the brides maids rush after her as she hurls herself into the ever scared women's bathroom, which for some reason mystically add volume and echo to a woman's tearfull sobbing transforming her blubbering swan song of jilted maiden tears into the roaring banshee howl of an old spinster fucking a broken fog horn. I left her be and helped myself to a Beam and Coke.The ballroom where the dance floor and dinner tables were was a sight to behold. Not that the place was fabulous but they surreal nature of the seating. First off you had two tables one table were divorced husbands all sitting together the next table was all their divorced wives sitting together. Of course it even more comical when everyone started dancing they ended up dancing together because they were told old to find someone young, they ruined each other financially not to mentioned fucked up their lives, but they would rather dance with each other than sit at a table with nobody to call their own especially at a wedding party. The rest of the tables were set up with family and friends. Now the friends were interesting because their tables were set up in such a way that the those who were probably next to get married were all sitting together. I couldn't help but to think how long it would be before they were taking the places of those sitting at the currently divorced tables.Now the night moves along fine. I'm on good behavior because its a friend's wedding and I'm not going to fuck up his day, plus I'm in a good mood because I have a group of 7 people asking me about the market and what stocks are hot and that does nurish my ego. I'm making my way to the bar to freshen my drink when the DJ stops the music to make an announcement.
DJ: If I could have everyone's attention please. XXXXX wishes to dedicate this song and dance to a man she cares about. She wants to melt your cold heart with her warmth, Mr. GreyFox could you please come to the dance floor...
I can now hear some awe's coming up from the guests and there in the middle of the dance floor is the girl who I had given a ride to, who had blindly ran into the women's room crying when we arrived at the party, and now this....what was I to do.Well it is tradition that the Bride and Groom slip away early from the party to consumate their relationship for the "first" time. So taking a page from that game book I slipped out the door near the bar in the reception hall, making my way to the car.If you have never left a woman expecting you on the dance floor in front of a large crowd of people like that you probably don't know what I'm going to talk about next, but if you have.... You feel like you just scored one for the good guys, or bad guys deepending who's side you are rooting for, but more importantly it feels like you shrugged off this dirty yoke, like you were expected to be that guy who finds love at someone elses wedding that you to have the love bug now and everyone is a couple now. You feel like you escaped this mickey-mouse-club-let's-drink-the-cool-aid cult. So I drove to the one most secluded, laid back bar I knew laughing all the way.
-Grey Fox
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