Wednesday, December 20, 2006

Laughing All The Way To The Open Bar....

Warning if you are a woman or Hugo Boy you will be offended.

So I recently went to the wedding of a friend, who by all accounts including mine has married a nice girl. It will probably work out because they were damn sure to lay out just what each of them wanted to do and his prenup is iron clad. My friend is an optimist, but he knows the odds too. Some relatives of mine were also there because he knew them as well having worked with some of them. After his wedding ceremony was over here is where the fun begins...Having come from a client meeting and knowing that I was going to a wedding I was looking my absolute finest. No sooner than the ceremony was over friends and relatives started looking at me and saying that "I was too cute not to have a girlfriend," and of course when I was going to get married. One of the brides friends who has been dying to get married since the age of 12 and will the be last one of her friends to get married asked if I wouldn't mind giving her a ride to the after party the converstation on the ride over runs like this:

Her: So what are you doing now?
Me: I work as an investment adviser in the city.
Her: So thats how you afford nice things?
Me: Yes, that is how I afford nice things for myself.
Her: So what do you do on the weekends for fun?
Me: I go out to clubs or bars for dinner and drinks, maybe catch a comedy act if someone good is in town.
Her: Wow, you and your girlfriend must have a great time, its too bad she couldn't make it today.
Me: I don't date.
Her: Your single!
Me: I don't date.
Her: Your not gay are you?
Me: No, I just don't date.
Her: Well how the hell are we suppossed to go out?
Me: We are not.

Now there is nothing physically wrong with this girl, she isnt fat, ugly or the elephant man's daughter. But she does have that I need a man vibe. As for me I simply don't date for the simple reason is that I am happy and intend to stay that way. Actually everytime I have dated a woman i did it when I was actually in a good place in life but after all was said and done I actually was worse of than when I started. So it went like rolling a boulder up a hill just to have it roll back down at you. Thanks but I only intend to keep moving up in the world not down.So as we pull up to the reception she streaks out of the passanger seat crying, because apparently I don't love her or she was probably thinking of the happy bride and groom dancing in the ballroom and how that she was not going be that happy bride....EVER. So a few of the brides maids rush after her as she hurls herself into the ever scared women's bathroom, which for some reason mystically add volume and echo to a woman's tearfull sobbing transforming her blubbering swan song of jilted maiden tears into the roaring banshee howl of an old spinster fucking a broken fog horn. I left her be and helped myself to a Beam and Coke.The ballroom where the dance floor and dinner tables were was a sight to behold. Not that the place was fabulous but they surreal nature of the seating. First off you had two tables one table were divorced husbands all sitting together the next table was all their divorced wives sitting together. Of course it even more comical when everyone started dancing they ended up dancing together because they were told old to find someone young, they ruined each other financially not to mentioned fucked up their lives, but they would rather dance with each other than sit at a table with nobody to call their own especially at a wedding party. The rest of the tables were set up with family and friends. Now the friends were interesting because their tables were set up in such a way that the those who were probably next to get married were all sitting together. I couldn't help but to think how long it would be before they were taking the places of those sitting at the currently divorced tables.Now the night moves along fine. I'm on good behavior because its a friend's wedding and I'm not going to fuck up his day, plus I'm in a good mood because I have a group of 7 people asking me about the market and what stocks are hot and that does nurish my ego. I'm making my way to the bar to freshen my drink when the DJ stops the music to make an announcement.

DJ: If I could have everyone's attention please. XXXXX wishes to dedicate this song and dance to a man she cares about. She wants to melt your cold heart with her warmth, Mr. GreyFox could you please come to the dance floor...

I can now hear some awe's coming up from the guests and there in the middle of the dance floor is the girl who I had given a ride to, who had blindly ran into the women's room crying when we arrived at the party, and now this....what was I to do.Well it is tradition that the Bride and Groom slip away early from the party to consumate their relationship for the "first" time. So taking a page from that game book I slipped out the door near the bar in the reception hall, making my way to the car.If you have never left a woman expecting you on the dance floor in front of a large crowd of people like that you probably don't know what I'm going to talk about next, but if you have.... You feel like you just scored one for the good guys, or bad guys deepending who's side you are rooting for, but more importantly it feels like you shrugged off this dirty yoke, like you were expected to be that guy who finds love at someone elses wedding that you to have the love bug now and everyone is a couple now. You feel like you escaped this mickey-mouse-club-let's-drink-the-cool-aid cult. So I drove to the one most secluded, laid back bar I knew laughing all the way.

-Grey Fox

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