The Cynical Chronicles

In Memory...

2008-03-26T19:02:00.007-05:00

Update @ 1:01pm, 3/27/08: I noticed a misspelling last night and wanted to edit it. Thanks for the heads up.

Its now March 26th, 2008. I normally wouldn't have much to say about life in general on a wednesday because I wait until fridays to reflect, but something really has bothered the hell out of me today and I think now is a good a time as any to talk about it.

Some of you may know the name Zach Sowers, who, back in June 2007 was beaten when he was within seconds of entering the "safety" of his baltimore home by four youths. He was beaten, essentially, for his wallet, which the youths then used to go on a shopping spree for a few days. The beating left Sowers in a coma over the next few months, leaving his wife Anna as his main advocate for the resulting weeks.

Anna, who by my standards, is one of the strongest people I've ever read about, wanted someone to react to the savage beating that her husband took. She wanted to give a voice to Zack and get justice - to me, not only for him but for many others like him. As it was 2007 - and a contentious mayoral election year - her voice was heard, albeit briefly, by the main candidates of the time for Mayor, Keiffer Mitchell and Sheila Dixon. While the leadership of the city, by my standards, let a small yelp out for Anna, the community made large efforts to support her, sponsoring events to help her defray medical expenses for Zach.

As time progressed, unfortunately, the rage and disgust expressed by the law abiding citizens of the city diminished, and it became business as usual in harm city. Under the brilliant legal leadership of the State's Attorneys Office - quick to end any case which could result in them looking bad - the case was swept under the rug, over the cries of Anna and her supporters. Three of the four involved somehow in the beating were sent away for eight years. One was sentenced to (life with everything suspended but) forty years, but we all know how many people in this city serve the full sentence in this city.

I never knew Zach in any way, much like most citizens of Baltimore, except through the vivid memories of those who did know him. Still, I wonder what he would say about how quickly his beating was turned into another random occurrence. I wonder what he would say to those who more or less ruined the life of his wife, family, and friends - who, by all accounts describe him as a stand up guy that you'd want in your corner. Most importantly, I wonder what he would have said to those who inflicted the pain on him.

As time progressed since June, the chances of this question being answered diminished. However, on Tuesday March 25th the chance became zero as Zach Sowers died, silencing a voice which long went on deaf ears in Baltimore. When I read this, cynic in me felt relieved that, at least from a financial standpoint, Anna Sowers would no longer feel the financial burden placed on her by the four youths, and that Zach would finally have peace. Still, as someone who too has lost someone he loved, I know she would bear that burden a thousand times over, without question, to see Zach even for a minute.

In truly fitting fashion, the Baltimore Sun - which I lovingly refer to as the "Calvert Street TP factory" - embodied the dismissive nature that this city exercised on Zach, failing to even correctly cover the facts of the cases relating to him, and dismissing it with an afterthought:

"The date of the attack on Zach Sowers was misstated in an earlier version of this article online. Also, the status of Trayvon Ramos' case was misstated; because the case did not go to trial, no one testified against Ramos. The Sun regrets the errors."

As I write this today I can't help but feel utter disgust with the whole of the situation, and the whole of Baltimore. All too often, the leadership in this city tries to minimize the scope of violence in this city, isolating the violence to those who essentially "have it coming". No one makes this statement about Zach yet those who beat him essentially received slaps on the wrist as if he were.

But lets be honest: this is not the first time we've heard about this. It will not be the last, for that matter. More people will suffer due to lackluster leadership, a hesitance by those connected to the judiciary to do their jobs and keep us safe from those who mean to harm us. And, perhaps most devastating of all, we as a people - not as a race of people, but as a citizenry - will continue to blame the crime and not the criminal, essentially coddling those who care about nothing more than themselves and getting what they want by any means necessary. Blame whomever you want - society, the parents of the criminals, etc. - but it doesn't change the price that each of us pays for the horrible beast of our own creation in maryland.

Thinking about the whole of this, it isn't fair. No one deserved to face what Zach's family has since last June, and no one deserves it. But its just the way it is in Baltimore, and its how it will always be until someone does something.

If You Were Dictator.....

2008-01-11T23:10:00.000-05:00

CNN recently asked the question of its reader's that if they were elected President of the United States what would they do? Given the chance the people had some interesting yet unrealistic things to say. The major problem with being President of the U.S.A is that in order to get their you have to do a lot of selling out and just about any schmuck can do it.....

Case In Point.

Also most people forget the fact that the President has to go through congress and the senate to get a lot done. So then you have to kiss ass, play ball, lie, threaten, and probably blackmail the hell out of those assholes to get a bill through that by the end of day has so many riders and changes added to it you'll be lucky if they even keep an original word from draft you submitted.
See being President only works when you have a bunch of like minded individuals behind you problem is they have their own agendas too, and if they are in the congress and senate there is a chance they could get voted out. Really being President sucks if you are the kind of goal oriented person that proves why the Private Sector will always have better employees than the Government.

No to get things done you would have to be a dictator or an emperor who had an iron grasp on the government he or she ran in order to get they wanted done as they specified it to be. But oh the dangers of being in such a position. First off every dictator and emperor is going to run into problems dealing with people outside his country, namely other countries that get freaked out someone who has the balls to hold an entire country under his will. That means you are probably willing to fuck with their country to make your will law when it comes to international issues, and at some point you will want to expand your empire. This means you will probably be at war. Second emperor's and dictators have the habit of being deposed by people close to them often children or a trusted lieutenant with to much power will strike you down so he or she can become the new ruler. So when hugging your kids at night remember one of them may one day look to oppose you......"So you intend to oppose me my son. Guards! Throw him to the seals!"
Quote From The Last Emperor, Penguin.

So the do the risks out weigh the possible rewards of having your will made manifest over the desires of others so you could craft what you saw as an ideal society? Fuck Yes You Pussy! So I pose the question to you, what would you do as an emperor or dictator? What would your title be exactly, how would you rule, how would you come to power, what laws would you make, what would your legacy be? Post it up here and let us know.

-Grey Fox

The Meanest Mom In The World....

2008-01-10T22:54:00.000-05:00

So I am reading some crap on CNN when I see a story about a woman who found her 19 year old son had booze in the passenger seat of his 1999 OLDS. While he claimed it wasn't his, which she said she believes she decided to sell his car because he broke one of the only two rules she set down for him when he got the car. Not only that she decided to put that as the reason she was selling it in the AD. Literally calling herself a mean and snoopy mom that needs to get a life. In the interview she said that she wanted to be a responsible parent and teach her son a lesson. She said she got a lot kudos from all sorts of people for doing this, and that she is just letting the AD run for another week to see the responses from people.....

(The AD)

"OLDS 1999 Intrigue. Totally uncool parents who obviously don't love teenage son, selling his car. Only driven for three weeks before snoopy mom who needs to get a life found booze under front seat. $3,700/offer. Call meanest mom on the planet."

Oh alright you want a response do you. Okay Miss Jane Hambleton from Des Moines Iowa let's break down what you have just done and why someone should visit you sew up your vagina so you can't have children anymore since you don't know what the Hell you are doing.

1. Unrealistic expectations: First off any kid will say anything to get their first set of wheels. While your son was a dumb ass to agree to your terms you still should have known better that teenagers, especially those on the verge of being 21 are going to drink alcohol. Its a fact of life this USA is retarded in how it handles its drinking policy. Through an act of coercive federalism, Reagan tying highway funding to states raising the drinking ages, at once was a legal drinking age 18 was not illegal. I mean thank God someone figured out what age maturity strikes right! Instead of being half way realistic, or intelligent for that matter you have probably never sat down to speak with your son about responsible drinking. You have probably never told your son that if he where to get drunk he should call home or just stay where he is. You may be mad he got drunk, but you wouldn't get mad over him doing the right thing and being responsible and not driving. Better yet if he does drink to do so in moderation. Nope you probably thought you do that little speech when he turned 21 which is already to late dip shit. If you are waiting till someone is 21 to tell them about drinking then you just fucked up.

2. You're a hypocrite! At 19 you were probably drinking, smoking pot and smoking some guy's pole other than your husbands. Yes back when you were 19 you probably did some dumb shit to, though I can only wonder if your parents were just as "mean."

3. You are an arrogant fraud! You are not the meanest mom, because if you did in fact learn your style of "mean" from your parents then you merely ripped off the original "meanest mom" in the world. That's right you have committed an act of plagiarism by imitating your parents and not giving credit. Come to think of it the meanest mom in the world would have to be Genghis's Khan's mother who told him to go and take revenge on the world, any woman who could raise a man that pissed off at everybody is the meanest mom so take a hike.

4. You have actually broken the law and violated your son's civil rights. First you gave the car to him making it his rightful property. Being 19 he is seen as an adult in the eyes of the law, regardless of what you think of him. As such he is entitled to the privacy afforded an adult under the law. You giving ownership to your son of the car, gave up your right of ownership. After all it was "his" car. That means you no longer have a reasonable right or expectation that you can search the vehicle as you please. The alcohol was under the seat not in plain sight, so discovery of it required searching which you neither had a right or court ordered warrant to do so. So you violated your son's civil right to privacy which is implied in the 9th amendment established by such Supreme Court Cases like Roe V. Wade. Also in your search you committed criminal trespass not to mention when you sold his car took something you rightfully gave to him. That spells Grand Theft Auto and the fact that you sold it means you sold stolen goods another crime. I know what you are thinking that your his mom and thats all the right you need. Wrong! At 18 the law also considers him legally emancipated from you, your parental right to invade his privacy ended on his birthday, or should have.

5. You promote drunk driving! Because you said you believe your son when he said it was not his, that must mean the person he drove home was drinking and probably legally intoxicated. That means your son was acting as a designated driver, and probably stored the alcohol under his seat to the passanger wouldn't make their intoxication worse. Now that your son can no longer drive in the future he cannot act as DD, Designated Drive, which means in the future someone who shouldn't be driving will. Congratulations you have just promoted drunk driving, and possibly manslaughter if that drunk driving hits and kills someone. Feeling good about your self yet?

6. You went from reasonable punishment to attention whore! Look punishing your son for having booze in his car is one thing. There are plenty of ways to punish someone without completely emasculating someone internationally, this story did hit CNN, and to make sure the point gets across. Going overboard means there is a good chance the lesson in this will fly right over his head because you went overboard in his head. Selling the car was enough. The pronouncement in the AD not so much. But to top it off you are running it an extra week because you want to see the response it will get. Okay stop, I know the sudden attention is nice but its at the expense of teaching a valuable lesson to your son. Also I am sure you son does not like being made a laughingstock in front of the whole world, no one does. Not having a car was bad enough, this was overkill and pointless. The next time he has a tough choice to make involving right and wrong and something you told him not to do. Instead of taking from a valuable lesson you could have taught him, he may just think "Time to get even and get one over on mom!" But I hope your 15 minutes of fame felt good, because honestly how could you be that great a parent that everyone tells you are if your son had the balls to disobey you in the first place. It just went from being about what he did to being about how much limelight your fat ass could suck up.

So in closing it raise a toast to your son:

Kid, some days the dog gets you, some days you'll get the dog. But some day you'll have enough money and you won't need that old hog! I'm talking about that OLDS you were driving your mom is just a bitch dude.

Cheers,

Grey Fox

Grey Fox

Why Most People Should Go Fuck Themselves.

2008-01-05T01:26:00.000-05:00

To be honest there are only a few things in my life that I can truly say I care about right at this moment. I really don't worry all that much about trends, girlfriends, MTV and the ten thousand other minute details that clutter the lives of most human beings. I have friends who jizz themselves when things like the I-Phone come out, I have others who sweat what other people think about them, worst of all I know more than enough people who think they know "what its all about." I have no idea "what its all about" means nor do I give a damn, and goes for the rest of the stuff that rolls in front of me like a tumbleweed made out of shit.

That alone is not enough to get me to tell someone to fist themselves with a bunch of H.I.V infected needles. Its when people decide to start contrasting my life with theirs and pretend to know my life as if they walked in my shoes. In fact the minute I hear someone start telling me about how to live my life or what I should be doing, its almost like a hideous animated version of that person, complete in all their flaws with the needed exaggerations to accent how much I hate them at that very moment.

For example I have one friend who despite relying on his parents and being a seven year freshman in college tries to play philosopher and shrink with me when he starts drinking. He tells me to sit back and smell the roses, which must smell fucking awesome since he has never bothered to come out of the rose bushes and get on the road of life. Topping it off in the past were his speeches about how good relationships are right before I stopped hanging out with him because his girlfriend doesn't like him having fun by himself. No this horrible hawk nosed bitch hovers over everything he does, seeing her die by a pack rabid badgers would be letting this creepy bitch off the hook easy.

I have others I could march out like Jerry Lewis does with the kids in his telethons but picking apart these crippled human beings is like kicking a paraplegic person down the street till both my wonderful working feet got tired. More importantly I realized for myself just what it was all these poor suckers have in common.

Like most people they have bought into their own hype way to much, their continued creep towards hypocrisies and blissful acceptance of mediocrity chip away at the value of their humanity and friendship like the barbarians chipped away at the power of the Roman Empire. I'm not saying I am perfect, but I know who and what I am. I stopped taking myself seriously a long time ago and when I do see myself taking a turn I don't like I do try to change. I just don't give up on steering myself where I want to go by putting my life on cruise control. I think that really is the worst when someone just flicks the switch off in their head and dives head first into the life of vanity and ignorance that accommodates the surrender of any shred of personal responsibility or desire to at least shot for being a decent human being.

This just doesn't apply to young people, but goes all the way up the age scale from toddler to codger. I have watched retail managers except beat up stolen goods to exchange for new goods in better condition. I have watched older men and women who look like they should understand what it means to be genteel since they dress that way, talk that way and try to get people believe they act that way; turn around and treat someone as if they just got off a slave ship because they were a name badge at a department store. I even had a professor tell me that at an international U.N. simulation to keep my mouth shut because my female partner who new dick about what we were doing other than it was a free trip outside the USA take lead because of her social ability to make most guys think the had a shot of getting a blow job from her. That one took the cake, my tuition paid that fuck's salary and I had to put up with bullshit from working into a department store to pay part of my way through college to have him turn around and not even have the tact to phrase it another way. It treated a lot of his students like shit that year because his wife was crushing him in a divorce and since he couldn't fight back at her he would take it out on his students. I carry myself with pride because I have never quit on anything I honestly set out to do and I have never let anyone try and tell me how far I could go. By the end of that conference I had managed to represent my client nation's interest better than she did with her client nation. On top of that I had actually made better friends with the committee people than she did and through a series of quick deals and subtle manipulations had gotten her to turn into a super bitch and had her removed from the proceedings. When my professor pulled me aside and demanded an answer for my actions I simply repeated what he said to me when he told me to take a back seat to idiot. "Grey Fox I want you to let her take lead. She is better than you, she can socially go places you cannot and you are to assist her nothing more." I then just looked at him. I walked away with a C- in the class but I'd rather have that then an A I earned by rolling over and taking up the ass because some told me to.

When it all comes down to it, I find that most people are an obstacle because they choose to be this way. I am not looking to rule the world, I just want my little slice of it for the time I have on this earth. When some denies me that, thats when they need to go fuck themselves.

-Grey Fox

The Word Fuck.

2007-12-28T23:07:00.000-05:00

FUCK

If one word could capture a full range of emotions like Robert Dinero can capture any emotion in just one look it would have to be the word "Fuck." Examples abound "Fucking-A," "This is fucking bullshit," "Oh fuck," or new spliced up words like "un-fucking-believable," and "fan-fucking-tastic." Literally the creative mind can abound in little fucking moments of Albert-Fucking-Einsteinesque brilliance when coming up with ways to use Fuck in a sentence.

She's a fucking oxygen thief.
He's in fucking jail.She can't act to save her fucking life.

Sure the word Fuck can be absolutely written off as a vulgar word having no place in civil conversation. The kind of toilet boil vocabulary left to comedians, guy's who get their dick stuck in their fly while zipping up, and the poor bastard that finds out his girlfriend is pregnant...with twins. But the F-word, well it has its place in fucking history. Yeah that's right I looked into the birth of the F-word and now you are going to have read something that's actually fucking educational! It seems that no one really knows where the word fuck came from. Like mana from heaven and positraction its seemingly always been there. The closest word I could find to be origin word in terms of its verbal entomology comes from the German language. Fritchen is German for Friction and it doesn't take a fucking rocket scientist to here how close the words Friction and Fuck can sound. In fact if you are fucking there should definitely be some friction occurring. It wouldn't take long for some ear untrained in German to bastardize the word and have the F-Word born out as an offshoot. Of course that is not totally satisfying answer that is clear cut proof of where the F-Word came from. I wasn't fucking satisfied with my initial research and neither should you. That's why I dug a bit deeper:

The Battle Of Hastings

Look at those fucking French pussies retreat!

I'll assume most of you slept through history class and go into convulsions when you find the History Channel on TV for more than 3 minutes. What you need to know is that the French and English really despised each other and their nobility constantly sought to take each other's lands and country's over. Hastings turned out to be turning point in deciding whether France or England would have the most sway over cultural development and all things good and fucking grand. The French and English thought differently on everything, including what is honorable on a battlefield and what was not. For example the French despised the English Longbow. They thought it took all the honor out of war, its range, destructive power and ease of production lead to high French casualties and cut down on the Knight on Knight sword fighting action. After a volley from a group of longbows many a French knight would find themselves, wounded on their back and unable to get up because full plate armor is fucking heavy. The English would send out guys with knives and short swords to finish them off, this was straight up simple killing there was no grand duel of honor here. The French hated it and wished to see the longbow off the battlefield, so they turned to the honorable old art of torture. After capturing groups of English Archers from other battles the French would cut off the plucking fingers, the fingers used to draw and fire the longbow, and send them back to the English lines to tell other practitioners of the longbow to pack up and go home. This did not have the intended effect...

After an astounding defeat of the French at Hastings, archers using the the longbow rushed to the front lines as the French retreated. Holding up their plucking fingers, the pointer and middle finger, they began to shout "Pluck You!" Now from a great distance the chant of "Pluck You!" got a little garbled and sounded like "Fuck You!" And if you need me to paint you a fucking picture from a distance the upheld plucking fingers of the archers looked like they were just holding up their middle finger. Viola the word Fuck and The Finger are born on the same day, and guess what they are twins!

Returning From The Crusades

This English knight's wife is probably fucking some other nobleman who's daddy got him out of the draft.

It seems a sad but time honored tradition that when the call of duty goes out men answer it and go off to war, or sit in line at the video game store to buy Call Of Duty. It also seems that cheating on your husband while he is away at war has been going on as long as war. Same happened during the Crusades. While knights from around Western civilization went to fight in the "Holy Land" so we could a worship in the most miserable place on earth and not have to wear fucking turbans some of their wives couldn't keep it in their pants. Actually to be more accurate they couldn't keep it out of their pants. I mean the Crusades went on for a long fucking time, probably as long as that boring history class you slept through. So at some point whether or not a woman thought her husband was dead she needed a dick like the Dark Ages needed the plague. So dirty little romantic trysts started popping up wherever a noble husband had gone off to war and his wife just couldn't take another dickless night alone. But not all nobles and men went off to war, some stayed behind to "protect" the country, National Guard sound familiar? So they noticed they target rich environment and helped themselves to other men's wives. Sadly all good things come to an end on the Crusades and the sex gravy train came to halt. Now keep in mind there was no Western Union for a knight to tell his wife he was coming home and dinner had better be on the fucking table. Also there was no scheduled departure dates you pretty much got home when you could and the speed of doing that varied greatly. Most of the time the returning knights showed up without warning. This meant that some battle and travel weary knight could come limping home and find his wife in bed with another man, the snickering of servants would reach his ear, and of course the wife would just get to attached to a dick other than her husbands and when that happens women can't hide their cheating if they had a black ball and threw it into the deepest darkest cave you could find. Not only did this spell doom for the marriage but it was also a crime. Under ancient English law it was called Fornification Under Carnal Knowledge. Meaning that it was known to the wife and her lover undercover that they were violating the pact of marriage because the husband was the only man who should have carnal knowledge of his wife and that the cheaters in question new a valid marriage existing. If found guilty the wife could be divorced, the marriage annulled, and the other man in the torrid affair would have to make some sort of financial restitution. Since a lot of knights went away to the Crusades you can bet your ass their were a lot of these cases being brought before judicial system. Just like in olden days the legal dockets were a mess, and it took forever to try these cases, and when calling the charges in court the poor bailiff probably had a sore jaw from saying "The court is hearing the case of Fornification Under Carnal Knowledge against...."

Well the legal world loves acronyms and getting the show on the road, after all the judges have something better to do like hunting, drinking or tormenting first year lawyers. So some brilliant bailiff who legend has it was Irish wanted to speed things up so he could go and get drunk at the pub sooner decided to cut down Fornifcation Under Carnal Knowledge to F.U.C.K. This explains why we also denote Fuck as a sexual term, and I am pretty sure that men being caught by pissed off returning Crusader would probably exclaim "Oh Fuck" in the future. Here is how it would probably sound in that old courtroom.

Bailiff: Time for the next case your honor.

Judge: Very well Bailiff what do we have next on the docket?

Bailiff: Well another F.U.C.King case sir!

Judge: (Sighs) Very well lets get this F.U.C.King over with.

The-Fucking-End

Grey Fox

A New Years Resolution...

2007-12-26T03:02:00.000-05:00

I promise I will be back with a vengeance in the new year for all the stupid shit I have seen go down on my watch. If I know you or have seen you party to this jackassery you are on notice bitches.....

A recent epiphany...

2007-11-08T14:08:00.000-05:00

I've recently been between rants on a lot of things. The struggle with living up with the title I've given myself - The Baltimore Cynic - is that it can be hard to live up to the title. With so few hours in the day, is it possible to scribe your contempt for so many things in so little time? Unfortunately I have failed to some extent because I haven't really articulated my disgust recently.

In the process of searching for a good topic to write about I found myself asking why I haven't been able to explain my disgust. And I think I found it. Honestly - the issue is not one person, racism, or anything like that. The issue, my fellow cynics, is people.

In the past I've expressed contempt for a student who was unacceptably rude. The fact is that this is something bred by academia, which was bolstered by people. The first recipient of a PhD, the first law student, and the first doctor weren't told to treat people in such a manner. Yet, remarkably, this mentality has infiltrated the world.

I complained in the past about the corrupt politicians who do anything and everything to further their interests. Many people I would consider friends can blame this on corrupt parties that allow such travesties to occur. However, the fact is people vote for these people. People support these policies by voting out effective politicians in favor of those with a catchy tune. As much as I dislike how dishonest people like Martin O'Malley and Sheila Dixon for being photo-opportunistic liars and cheats, the people apparently support them. So perhaps I can't blame them for playing the game better than most.

Finally, one of the biggest sources of ire is crime in Baltimore, my former stomping ground. Although crime here is a dismal issue I encounter on a nearly daily basis, I believe that if the people here were genuinely concerned about it then it wouldn't be an issue here. However, I suppose that they don't want to support tough decisions like holding criminals accountable for their actions.

In essence, as frustrated as I am with the current state of things in my city, my state, and indeed, my world, it is not appropriate to incorrectly assign blame. As such, I'll blame the 99.9% of those who make our world as terrible as it is. As time passes, I'll posts more examples of those that do and don't fit into this description.

That's all for now, thanks for listening...

Was Pat Tillman An Asshole?

2007-08-13T21:47:00.000-05:00

So I was reading the news and a blurb about Pat Tillman popped up regarding the "odd" circumstances around his death. At first I thought "Odd? What's odd about getting killed in war? That's how war tends to work itself out." Upon further investigation something did stink about the investigation. JAG lawyers patting each other on the back for keeping a lid on what really happened, especially when one of them is suppossed to looking out for Pat Tillman, U.S. soldier. Then came the muddling from higher up to halt the investigation after the forensic investigators said the shots were not enemy fire, and they were to well placed to be anything but intentional. After that came the seemingly last known words out of Pat Tillman's mouth calling a fellow "brother in arms" a sniveling coward before being killed by what now seems more than accidental friendly fire. In short he may have been fragged.

So what is fragging? Well for those of you not in the know, fragging is essentially the intentional killing of a brother in arms for various reasons. Usually a grenade was used because it was impossible to trace back to anyone. The method became popular in Vietnam with the everyday grunts to use on an officer. Usually the officer was either a complete asshole who made the unit's life tougher than it had to be, lead them into extreme danger, and was probably a Westpointer trying to make a career over the bodybags of his men. Needless to say if you were an asshole officer in Vietnam and your name wasn't Westmorland, you were probably going to get fragged. Of course this isn't limited just to officers anyone can get fragged for any number of reasons.

So in light of recent evidence, Tillman's own harsh last words and his over the top boy scout nature along with his creeping doubts about the war set up a pretty good guess that he may have been fragged. Was Pat Tillman an asshole? Well only his squad mates can say for sure. But if I had to guess, I'd say he was an asshole. Who else would throw away a promising career in the NFL, join the Army, bitch about being there, and bitch out squad mates for reacting like any human would in a firefight: Well an asshole would. Now I know a lot of people will rush to say he died a patriot, but even patriots can be assholes. Its one thing to love your country, but its another thing to act like an asshole while loving your country. Earlier tales portray Pat Tillman rushing out into fire to charge an enemy who was ambushing the unit, while leaving the rest of the unit which had taken cover and on return gets shot by mistake even while yelling his "Pat Fucking Tillman" as some sources claimed. Of course this story gave way to what we are being told now, but look at it. What kind of guy charges into a hail of bullets fired from several AK-47s? That John Wayne bullshit doesn't work in real life, real soldiers don't do that. Everyone else in his unit hunkered down to fight back and maintain coehesion, supposedly Tillman goes rushing off into the smoke filled field of fire and on return was supposedly shot. In my mind thats just dumb to go running off and putting yourself in a crossfire like that. But maybe it went down something like this Pat Tillman charged off into the smoke managing somehow to not get shot. He fires on the enemy while his unit working as a team using interlocking fields of fire to pick off most of the attackers. Upon coming back to his unit he berates a teammate or two for not following on his charge, he starts an arguement with fellow team members and it may or may not be the first time this has come up. They question his antics and he calls them cowards, his actions had potentially endangered his unit so they fragg him for being an asshole. If it went down like that then Pat Tillman was certainly an asshole. However we may never know why Tillman was killed, accident or no. We will never know if Pat Tillman was some asshole or hero or murder victim or casuality of war. Only his unit will know that and they aren't speaking much on the matter. Ultimately its up to you to decide as for me I stopped believing in heroes along time ago so I know that no one is truely innocent in this matter. Something happened and we haven't gotten the full truth and we may never.

An Open Letter To Ann Coulter.

2007-07-01T00:24:00.000-05:00

Dear Ann,

I was wondering if you were always such an egotistical bitch, or if that came after having that pair of baboon testicles implanted into your body. Know I must confess have never read any of your "work," or bothered to listen to your "lectures." I never really saw a point in attending the little Nazi rallies you put on, what gets me is how you carry on like anyone gives a damn. See Ann if we really wanted to know what you were thinking we'd ask. Now knowing that your past level of what qualifies for intellectual discourse runs between wishing political opponents dead to bullying 9/11 widows, on behalf of American I say this:

SHUT THE FUCK UP.

Seriously bitch can it. You do a disservice to political pundits and commentators everywhere, I know hate speech is protected and all but damn all you do is say the most outlandish shit and pray someone wants to pick a fight over it or it gets news coverage. It wouldn't be so bad if you were just screaming like a whore who just got paid in monopoly money, but the fact you get media attention really fucks things up for the rest of us and hurts the nation. You take attention away from important issues, you stir up the crazy assholes in this country that think chucking bombs are the answer, you dumb down any political conversation, and you reflect poorly on women who are trying to make a difference in the wonderful world of politics. You are in fact your genders worst enemy when they try to get themselves taken seriously.

Thats pretty much it, so in closing shut the fuck up and stop wishing you were a man.

Grey Fox

Firing at will on a saturday night

2007-06-16T22:34:00.000-05:00

Good evening gentle folk,

Its Saturday night and I'm staying in after a week of reflecting and looking for a new place to move to in a month and a half. Between this and some other stuff I've been thinking about recently I've decided to touch on a few things on my mind right now:

Shuck and Jive TV 2007

BET, or Black Entertainment Television was the brainchild of Robert Johnson, an Alumni of the University of Illinois and Princeton University. A man whose own story is undoubtedly inspirational for all ethnicities, Johnson sought to give a voice to the African-American community. Twenty-nine years later, as I watch see the line up for Saturday, it is clear that the Viacom Owned voice of Black America is one that perhaps should shut up for good:

12:30: 106 & Park
2:30: Top 25 Countdown
5:00: Rap City Top 10
6:00: 106 & Park
7:30-9: The Wayans Brothers
9-11: Girlfriends
11-Who cares: Boss'n Up*

*Boss'n Up is a film starring Snoop Dogg (That's a cue to change the channel right there, by the way), which depicts the life of a Pimp in Training. For those who have the opportunity to see this for free or even get paid for it... pass.

I would imagine that Mr. Johnson would be ashamed of what his ambition has become, but I suppose that he can't hear the screams of agony over his piles of money.

Speaking of Stupidity on Television...

I would be remiss if I didn't show something which The Agnostic Insomniac sent to me earlier, check it out: Shuck and Jive 2007

In this clip, a number of Blacks in a Baltimore Barbershop (way to think beyond stereotypes, ABC - perhaps you could've given them picks and Colt 45s as well?) discuss the 2008 Presidential Election. In true form, the group only discusses Democrats, specifically Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama. The topic didn't rile me up so much as the arguments presented by some of the distinguished panelists. One such person cites the experience Hillary Clinton obtained as first lady as a reason to vote for her (since First Lady is apparently a very prestigious title), while another cited America's inability to elect a Black President** as a reason to bank on Hillary. The video clip is only worse, as it features someone who mentions that the next candidate must have "faith in god".

If this is at all indicative of the knowledge base of the common voter, it challenges the integrity of democracy to say the least.

Stupid people elect stupid politicians

If you ask me, this is the story of Baltimore Politics now, ever since the Boy Blunder, current Governor (and 2012 Presidential Candidate) Martin "Promise Keeper" O'Malley headed to Annapolis to be replaced by Sheila "Skeletor" Dixon. The six months which have passed since this time have reflected a steady decline in the so-called Greatest City in America, which is best reflected in the rise in murders since 2006. In the six months we've begun to see some serious issues left behind by O'Malley, including a hard working but clearly broken Criminal Justice system, a faulty infrastructure within the City Government, and faulty support for Education.

In the time since Dixon's ascension to the position of Mayor, she has, to my chagrin, engaged in a "dodge and blame" defense technique. When issues come before her, she will generally attempt to do one of the following:

1) Dodge the concern by expressing faith in "staying the course" with her current plans (which essentially were O'Malley's plans), or
2)By expressing her outrage over the long standing issue (which she certainly could not have seen as a member of City politics since 1987)

Most disturbing about Dixon is her inability to accept information accepted in the country as evidence, which occurred for Dixon during a Howard County Fundraiser. In discussing a 2006 FBI report which ranked Baltimore only behind Detroit for violence in large cities, Dixon asserted that the report may not be factual. In an age where politics is more about accountability than it ever has been, Dixon's determination to avoid it at all costs may prove problematic as election day approaches.

Speaking of stupid politicians

As the city comes closer to the Democratic primary election (or for the heavily democratic baltimore, the general election), a number of candidates have stepped up for the opportunity to avoid actually fixing things while making $125,000 per year as Mayor of Baltimore City. These candidates include:

Keiffer Mitchell: City Councilman connected with the (in)famous Mitchell family of Baltimore City. Mitchell's expressed outrage with Dixon's idiocracy on multiple occasions. Strangely, he has no commentary on his complicity in these policies, having served as a councilman for more than 10 years. Hands down the number one contender for the title.

Andrey Bundley: Former Principal in the Baltimore City Public School System, Bundley gained much attention when he gained more than 30% of the Democratic Vote in the Mayoral Primary Vote in 2003. Unfortunately, given his controversial tenure as a high school principal, combined with the shoddy state of Baltimore Public Schools, few expect his candidacy to go far.

Jill Carter: Current Delegate representing Balitmore City in the Maryland General Assembly, Carter has been a vocal opposition to the O'Malley Administration, in particular with regards to the criminal issue in the city. Carter also has called for radical shifts in policy including firing the best paid member of the City Government, Leonard Hamm (who is much more amusing to call Hammbone) and replacing him with Ed Norris, Commissioner turned State Police Superintendent turned inmate turned Radio Host (He's our answer to Teddy Roosevelt).

Frank Conaway, Sr. - Former State Delegate for Baltimore City and Current Clerk of the Court for Baltimore City. Conaway is known more for his fiery rhetoric (as evidenced in some of his letters to The Examiner) and flashy suits than his politics. However, with an inside perspective on the criminal justice problem, Conaway may offer a new perspective as the mayoral election comes closer.

A. Robert Kaufman - A perennial candidate and socialist to boot, Kauffman has thrown his hat in to the ring for yet another campaign after his hearty defeat in the 2006 Senate Election to replace Paul Sarbanes, which was ultimately won by Ben Cardin.

As the day gets closer, I'll continue to keep you posted on the election trail, if I don't get nauseous first...

That's all for now, thanks for listening...

You Can Leave The Halo Behind, There Are No Angels Here, This Is Earth Bitch.

2007-04-26T22:19:00.000-05:00

Unless you have been living in a cave the big scare topic in the news is violence and the youth of America. Highlighted by the intrusive world wide coverage thrust into the grieving faces of those at Virginia Tech. There is an old saying the news business, "If it bleeds it leads." Of course instead of highlighting the tradgey for what it really is, politicians, journalists, bloggers and the PTA have all been playing the blame game. For those outside the circle all this means is pointing the finger at someone or something followed by a little to no action. Of course any action taken by these crusaders of "all things good, right and American" have absolutely no meaning and never focus on the heart of the issue.

Example, the battle cry of "violent video games" has already been marched out. The assumption is children can't tell the difference between pulling the trigger in a game and then doing it in real life. Please, if that was true then we'd all be taking assualt rifles gunning each other down all while trying to capture a stupid flag thanks to Halo. Then there is the "violent music," which usually revolves around how isolated and the real needs ignored of today's youth are, while their parents suck down another fucking martini. I look at todays music, I don't see a call to mass murder, I see a generation crying out for substance while being dopped up on Ritalin so they'll pipe the fuck down. Then of course comes the battle over gun control which is when we reach the absolute point of futility of trying to get anything done. Meanwhile the media circus winds down and hunts for the next blood trail. Next time you see a tragic event watch for the stages the media coverage goes through. First the attention grabbing "Breaking News" report, then the filler crap as they actually wait to find out what really happened, the speculation and morality expert debates. Then the full coverage kicks in once they know just enough to be dangerous with programing specials. Once it comes to an end hear comes the final act of masterbation for the media, they ask what can they do to not promote such violence and they question wheither or not it is right to cover such things so intrusively....

So why do we point fingers at the obivious bullshit scapegoats. One they are tangible, two they are fairly defenseless, three morality groups love the chance to push their agendas on everyone. Finally getting to the heart of the problem requires the kind of collective soul searching our society is not mature enough to do. Like Doctor Frankenstien we create our own worst monsters. When we talk about the American dream and the good life we never mention that not everyone will wind up living it. We think life should be easy when in reality it is hard. We think that there are rules that are unbreakable or at least seemingly that way. Also we are angry, angry at the fact that we are not the star, we are not the golden child, we are angry at life, we are angry at why life can be shitty and hard. Mostly we are angry out ourselves for not being perfect or living on that greener side of life. Listen to what the shooter at VA talked about why he did it, about the nice stuff all those "rich kids" had. Fuck, he wanted that stuff, and when he found out that some people just end up being the have nots for no other reason than tough luck that was reason enough for him to turn to violence. Now the fucker was crazy than Margot Kidder on qualudes to begin with, and he probably have done something violent anyways even if he had all that shiny shit. Why? Because the catch 22 is that when you have all that nice junk it still doesn't fulfill.

Look you have to realize that not all people can cope with what life is. You also have to realize that some people are just going be evil, crazy or just crazy evil. You can't always look to your leaders to solve the problem for you. Gun control doesn't answer it, take the guns away and he'd still kill, less people sure, but he still going to end someones life. Concealed carry permits for all doesn't do it, because people will still die, and your hoping that more often than not its the bad guy doing the dying. Its not music, TV, movies, games or things we know to be fantasy, scapegoats are just there to shirk the responsibilty to get heart of the matter. In the end the human race is both touched by what we define as good and evil, we are predatory creatures, you don't get to the top of the food chain any other way. We are becoming increasingly dissconnected from each other emotionally as we get packed closer and closer together population density wise. A lot of folks out there probably feel like they are trapped in tiny room where they can see outside but never really interact with the outside world. As long as you have that, you will have violence. In fact no matter what you do people are still going to do insane shit like this, all we can do is work to limit the need for these outbursts of violence, to remain aware that life is both fun and danger, and to choose not to be victims of fear or FOX news.

-Grey Fox

Beer Goggles Vs. Date Rape: The After School Special You College Kids Can't Afford To Miss...

2007-04-12T23:22:00.000-05:00

Many moons ago I was a penniless college going frat boy, I went to class but like every human being ever I was waiting for the weekend like anyone else...not that I would remember it. Being part of a frat its almost a duty and a service to throw a party at your place. Really think about its part recruitment tool/alcohol enforcement. Ah bet you didn't know about that did you? See what a lot of colleges hate to admit is that if there is going to be under age drinking, they'd rather have it done at a frat house then in the dorm rooms. See any frat can be wild, stupid and a hotbed for police reports, but they also serve a vital function to make sure that a lot of party going college kids keep having vital functions. See we had to keep an eye out for the drunks who could end up in the hospital so that meant cutting people off as well as acting as an ad hoc triage unit if someone was really fucked up. A lot of times we were able to handle it and help them through a night of extremely heavy drinking making sure they puked up everything and kept them from swallowing their tongue. Other times it was making sure they got to a hospital if it was really bad, without the college having to deal with it. Mainly this was for those who had pre gamed before they came to the party. The others we made sure they drank enough but never to much, for those who came up to the frat house to drink we knew when to cut someone off and send them packing. Every brother at a party is there to have a good time and they also serve a function. If you didn't have an actual task it was always understood you were a peacekeeper/bouncer when the shit hit the fan which is easy when you have 40 other guys popping out the wood work to grab two idiots about to throw down over who loves Blink 182 more. My function was the head bartender of the house, you could be a doctor or a lawyer but in that house you weren't shit compared me or the other bartenders on party night. We controled the flow of booze, kept the drunks happy, kept an eye on the dangerous drunken assholes, and like any good bartender we talked with the people so we knew what was up with who ever that night. One of the most important things was to make sure the ladies were having a good time and felt safe. Part of it was being a gentlemen and a good host, the other was making sure the pussy stayed around so the guys and potential rushes would come back. No one wants to have a date rape go down on their watch, or see a woman assaulted because it was coming back on you if it went down.

Date Rape is defined as forcible sexual intercourse by a male acquaintance of a woman, during a voluntary social engagement in which the woman did not intend to submit to the sexual advances and resisted the acts by verbal refusals, denials or pleas to stop, and/or physical resistance. The fact that the parties knew each other or that the woman willingly accompanied the man are not legal defenses to a charge of rape, although one Pennsylvania decision ruled that there had to be some actual physical resistance.

Its a good definition problem is a lot of times there is no apparent refusal, denial, plea or resistance. Classic example is after a party some guy walks a girl home, of course they have both been drinking, she invites him into the room with their inhibitions lowered they end up having sex. Next morning she looks over at the guy and realizes it was a mistake to have had sex with him, in fact she would have never fucked this chump in a million years. This guy is guilty of rape. Why? Because under normal circumstances she would have never had sex with him, she had no intent in a sober mind frame to fuck this loser and because she was under the influence of booze she had no reasonable control over her actions or choices. If she files a complaint this guy will most likely get kicked out of college and go to jail. Now at no point did she actually say no, or resist, or deny this guy entry into her, but thats only half the game, she actually has to intend to have sex with you.

Now under the law if this guy was drunk at the time he is fully responsible for his actions, at the same time this woman no longer has a reasonable expectation to be fully responsible for making good desicions because her judgement is impaired by alcohol. Therefore its impossible for her to properly consent to sexual intercourse or to know what her real intent is. Hence we call it date rape or rape.

Now lets flip the script for a moment, what if they guy was bombed out of his mind and the woman was in a better position, either she consumed no alcohol or she was just holding her liquor better. Now lets say this guy is the stud and she is a off the factory line dud, and that there is no way in Hell this guy would ever, ever intend to have sex with her but he does anyways. Is it rape? Nope its called....

See with a guy is different, he should have known better, he made a bad call, its a shamefull story to tease him with. Hey guess what if you are upholding that definition its still rape. But in the real world it doesn't work that way which creates a legal problem when it comes to properly upholding the law and protecting those under the law. Let's say that guy wakes up and looks over at some loser he never ever wanted to fuck, but because he got drunk and his guard was down she was able to take advantage. Should he feel dirty? Ashamed? Stupid? If he is a rape victim absolutely not. He is a victim just as much if it were the woman in his shoes. Or are both just victims of their own stupidity for drinking to much and getting beer goggles and what comes with being beer goggled?

Beer Goggles: Sometimes one just gets past the goalie

My opinion is that you are always responsible for what you do at all times. Being drunk or high does not excuse you from making a bad choice. This is especially true when you intend to drink to the point of being drunk enough you can no longer allow yourself to think clearly and effectively. I have no sympathy for someone who get blasted and does something they regret, just as much as I have no sympathy for someone who tries to physically force themselves on another person. You don't have the right to ruin someone's life just because you regret doing something the next day. Congratulations they just slipped one past the goalie because you decided to take yourself out of the goal that evening by drinking beyond reason. I'm not talking about the people who get drugged into having sex, or pass out drunk while some dirtbag has their way with them. I'm talking about someone who decided yes this fat pile of crap is just the person I want sharing my bed and enjoying my genitals, but after that glow of alcohol wears off they want to run down to the creek and beat themselves with a rock. For those dumb bastards are having no sympathy from me.

But under the law intent is still what rules here so my best advice is that unless you are some couple that is already having sex, if alcohol is invovled its not worth it. You never know what the person is going to do the next morning, some people just turn around and make shit up to cover their own ass rather than admit to making a bad call. Others will have legit feelings that they were violated. Either way it will screw up your life wheither you are a guy or girl, of course in my fairytale world I'd like to think their was equal enforcement under the law.

-Grey Fox

When Boyfriend And Girlfriend Become One: Or The Curse Of The Frankenbitch Dickenstien Monster

2007-04-11T23:54:00.000-05:00

The Frankenbitch Dickenstien Monster:

(I know it looks like the offspring of two rednecks who cousin fucked each other at Chernobyl)

It's the uncomfortable combination of your best friend and signifigant other and all the bad shit they both bring to the table......

Confused? Well you'd be suprised the kind of crap you can find on the internet to literally illustrate what your talking about. Get a good look at that ugly, awkward and hopefully sterile creature, yeah you don't like the sight of it either. Good. Now I provided a caption and an extremely long title to give you an idea of where I'm going today in terms of subject matter. No its not transvestites or breaded circus women.....

No what this picture metaphysically represents is that one couple everyone seems to know, you know the boyfriend and girlfriend that would be tied to the hip if they hadn't already combined into one massive Voltron style headache. They won't do anything with out each other, and like Voltron if they are seperated from each other they become even more lame because they have been used to teaming up so much they have no idea what it means to spend time apart. If you have no idea what Voltron is just Google it bitch it was Saturday morning cartoons!!!

Yes This Motherfuckin' Voltron!

So why should I knock on a couple that can't get enough of each other? Well thats not the problem.... Its the fact they won't spend time apart, the fact they won't be their own person, the fact that they ruin all the stuff you used to do by including their other half, and that other half Yoko Ohno's guys or girls night out and splits up the band...so to speak. Look when you want to spend time with your guy or girl you spend time with them, when its time to hang out with your friends you hang with them and sometimes that means going solo and leaving your other half behind. Its time to be honest your friends will never truely like whoever the fuck you date, because that just means its someone who is going to screw up your time to hang out, lead them by the dick or pussy and even use it to fuck up your friendships. When it stops being your buddy and more like your buddy with him or her it just sucks the life out of well...life! No one is stopping to say honey do your own thing I need to spend the night out with the guys or girls so they and I still know we are able to hang out. No instead it becomes a major U.N. relief operation to Darfur everytime it comes time to hang out because now Frankenbitch Dickenstien have to decide what everyone should do so they both can enjoy it......which means you and everyone else are not. Couples never seem to stop doing couple things together and thats a problem. People by their very nature are both dependent and independent and when one nature gets thrown into overdrive it can make problems think extreme loners and co-dependent freaks. Maybe people are so afraid of not having a guy or girl to call their own they never stop to set down boundaries so their relationships don't spiral into a fucking nightmare and one of them goes insane when it ends because they made the relationship their whole reason for living. Thats why we get that icky feeling when couples are never seen anywhere without each other and never do things by themselves and that makes things suck. This monster's victims are not hearty Romanian villagers with overbites but just having a good time.

-Grey Fox

Hey, Asshole: Your PhD doesn't make you a Ph-Deity, you Ph-Douchebag.

2007-03-27T19:49:00.000-05:00

Howdy everyone, its been a while! As some of you may or may not know, I work in University Services (which, I freely confess, is what keeps me busy 5-6 days a week). Some of you also know I've done graduate school already. It wasn't until very recently that I was nearly ashamed of this (and i'll tell you why in a minute).

In my capacity, I spend a lot of time assisting students, many of whom are graduate students who are earning their Doctorates. In the process of this, I've coined a few phrases that you may wish to remember for future reference:

Ph-Duh: The enlightened masses of students who, despite their academic achievements, are unable to comprehend basic tasks, such as reading a complete paragraph.
Ph-Dick: A Doctoral student unashamed of rubbing their academic status in your face by doing things such as mentioning "Doctoral student" in their email signatures
Ph-Douchebag: The upper echelon of irritating graduate students who will, in an incredible display of idiocy and absurdity, exhibit the traits of the Ph-Duh and Ph-Dick simultaneously. Although I don't believe in life after death, if there is a personalized hell, it is undoubtedly full of these people.

Mind you - not all of my work is with these classes of students - in fact, many of them are very amicable, and are glad to receive insights from the likes of me (some are very kind when I can fully assist them). However, I guess its true when someone once said that you don't remember the good ones as often as the bad ones. That being said, the worst conversation I've ever had with one of them took place today, and I feel the need to talk a little bit about it.

I can't go into many details about it for many reasons, but here are a few highlights:

1) The conversation started with the student complaining about my response time. We're in a high volume period in my division right now, so that's the nature of the business. From there, I knew it would be a bad conversation but tried to endure.
2) The student requested a status update regarding a standard procedure my office does. When I advised her of a common mistake she made and what the implications were the student exploded. We've been trained for this and warned, but nothing is quite like the real thing (especially when you're an open misanthrope such as myself)
3) When I tried to explain the situation to the student, she would not allow me to speak. On more than one occasion, the conversation consisted of:
"Ma'am, would you please allow me to --"
"GO AHEAD, SPEAK!"
"I'd like to try, ma'am, but you won't allow me to --"
"WHAT DO YOU HAVE TO SAY!?!?"
"Well, ma'am --"
"GO ON, TALK!"
...Apparently, when you become a Doctoral student, you are exempt from basic conversation with people.
4) The student attempted to swing brass by making statements alluding to their great influence, speaking to the fact that 1)they had an attorney, and that 2) my office was being illegal due to her mistake. As someone well familiar with the Law, I was not particularly impressed with what she had.
5) The 'best' part: After explaining to the student what some students have done procedure wise, explaining to the student the entire process for her request, and enduring what even the nicest people would describe as verbal abuse, the student expressed her appreciation to me by saying that she would be in contact with my boss to tell her about what she described as "our little incident."

I'm not the thickest skinned person in the world, and I'll be the first person in the world to admit that. Still, there is a certain threshold which I have for verbal abuse. Once broken, I can become very outraged. However, on this day I felt myself reaching that limit, to the point that I considered walking away from my office and not returning. Such a thing has happened; in fact, a similar conversation occurred yesterday with a male I'd been attempting to assist over the past month. While their frustration is justified (and I can certainly relate having had to go through procedures as a former graduate student in the past), I could not, in good conscience justify treating people in the way I (and countless other people like me) are habitually treated by some of the so called enlightened students.

I don't know whether or not I'll hear from either of these people again - and I'm fairly certain I'll endure a bad conversation with one of them at least once more, as it is the unfortunate nature of my job. To this point, I humbly submit the following thoughts if you're a student so fortunate to earn college education:

1) Wake up. Your accomplishments may warrant you to more respect as having more academic accomplishments than many, but that's it. It doesn't make you smarter than anyone (Teddy Roosevelt was incredibly intelligent and he was a Law School Dropout), doesn't entitle you to any respect as a hard worker (Andrew Carnegie was industrious and didn't come close to finishing college), and doesn't entitle you to treat anyone as if they are below you.
2) Don't get cocky because of your degree either. For every person fortunate enough to have an experience, there are plenty who were certainly smart enough to be there, but didn't have the opportunity. In that sense, you've more benefited from chance than your intellect.
3) Be careful of who you jerk around, because you never know who you you're doing that to. The world is small, and you never know how your rude treatment of one person could impact your interactions with someone else. Also, Karma's a bitch.

For now, I'm going to sit down and reflect on my own sins as a supposed enlightened student... I would feel bad for making some people dumb, but I do that to everyone despite their education, so...

The Mall: Noah's Ark For Retards

2007-02-21T23:13:00.000-05:00

Ah the mall, the Mecca of daily commerce. You can find more things than you don't need at the mall. And while the mall may look like fun place where kids can run free and you can look a shit you can't afford through thick glass windows along with hundreds of your fellow consumers... The mall looks more like this to me....

At least he gets a fucking shovel I got a defunct Sam Goodey Rewards Card...

First off, going to the mall is a fucking excursion into a cold barren wasteland that would be a wet dream setting for a Jack London novel. You have to rally up at least one other stalwart soul who after releasing a death rattle of a sigh can supress the immediate flood of bile that rushes into their mouth like when you see Rosie O'Donnell eating/naked, or just eating naked. (Bleh) See they are going to save your sanity so you can make the return trip home their Apollo 13, because at some point you are going to lose your temper and you need someone to talk about what a fucking retard some person was i.e.

YOU: AAARGGH, what a fucking retard.

If you were alone you'd probably desend into the depths of a red rage capable of making people think you were a totally sweet ninja! (Okay so I bought the book REAL Ultimate Power) This crucial companion will probably be called upon their sacred duty to agree with you right around the time you try to park. Getting to a parking spot is unbelieve able people turn into Grand Theft Auto, and grow the biggest balls I have ever seen like they are packing an AK-47 up their butt. Like this one on Christmas Eve time I lucked out and about to nail the world's greatest parking spot, first available spot right after the Handicap spot, but this 50 year old asshole in an SUV leaps the curb. Rumbling over the sidewalk and down the other curb and into my spot I signaled for, he gloated over it to and his 4 wheel drive, thats what pushed me over the edge. Now had I had a buddy their I probably would have been calmer about it....

Me: Ah, Damn it.

So I parked out in the middle of nowhere and proceeded into the mall and went about my shopping, saving the Chesepeake Knife and Tool Shop for last....

Shopkeep: Happy Holidays sir what can I help you with. (Finally some respect)

Me: Well good shopkeep I have someone on my Christmas list who is a bit of a survivalist and into knives.

Shopkeep: Well we have many wonderful Swiss Army knives to look at.

Me: Yeah I have one myself, but my friend is into the deep woods stuff. You have any of those knives that can cut through tree stumps like those crazy Ginzu knives?

Shopkeep: Well I have these Smith and Weston SWAT knives here. But doing that would ruin the blade.

Me: Could it cut through say a rubber tree?

Shopkeep: Sure, but why would you want to do that?

Me: Well my friend is a survival nut, he'd apperciate that thought.

So away I went with purchases in hand. Back out into the parking lot I went, approaching Mark Trail's SUV the full malice of my intent surged through my being. However upon arrival there he was arguing with another motorist, apparently he was in a rush to leave, and she was in a rush to get a parking spot. Its a well know science theory that two different objects of matter cannot share the same space. Well neither can two SUVs, which explained the head on collision these Dukes of Hazard had. I was saved by fate that day, but who knows if you will be....

Hell and that story was just about the parking lot. Let me give you a rundown of what it was like for me when I worked at a department store in the mall for the summer....

Hecht's will be opening in 5 minutes....

Yeah that poor bastard at the gate was me, I opened the doors every morning to allow the throng of geezers that would do nothing but window shop until it was time for Matlock to come on to come in. People in a mall will stampede over each other like cattle just realizing why they have been sold the Ruth Chris Steakhouse. On top of that there were these women who would come into the store and buy tons of shit but come back the next day to return it. See they bought all that crap to run up their husbands credit card because they hate their husbands, of course he'd never have it so back to me they come. I even saw this woman break down one time as her husband called her on the cell phone to ask what she was doing, and she rattled off what she bought. 10 seconds later she burst into tears screaming no, and three female sales associates ran over to comfort her. It sounded like her child just died or something. Between the banshee wailing she managed to fumble out that her bastard husband said no to all her purchases. What the fuck? Its just meaningless shit!

Of course there are the kids. All I can tell is that there must be some fucked up wildlife program where children are released back into the mall to repopulate or something. This one time I was walking back from my lunch break when I saw this group of teeney bopping girls walk up to this boy looking at a video game display. The lead crack whore in training asked if he had a girlfriend. A little glimmer of hope entered his eye right before she said, "Just asking!" Followed by her and the other girls laughing at him and running off with the leader colliding into me and dropping her little purse or baggie full of make up. She looked up at me telling me to watch were I am fucking going. This girl is 12 tops and I am 20 something and 230 pounds, so I watched myself put my full 230 pounds in the form of my foot down on her little purse. You could hear all the make up in the bag being crushed and cracking, and the look on her face was like I just stepped on her soul. I walked off and said nothing. Do feel bad for her, all she had to do was find daddy and get another 50 bucks, or suck some cock for the same price, which is just practice for her anyways, and she'll be back to looking like a painted up whore in no time. You can find all this and more, at the mall.

-Grey Fox

Amanda Marcotte: IL Duce Of Douchebags

2007-02-21T01:09:00.000-05:00

For the guys who think this shirt is a big laugh….Published by Amanda Marcotte February 20th, 2007 in Crime, Boggles the Mind

I just want to remind you that having sex with someone too drunk to resist is against the law and you can be found guilty of rape if you do it. (Refers to picture of a shirt that says "No means have aNOther Drink." Duh people know the law, choosing to follow it is their own responsibility.)

My Response:

Grey Fox Feb 20th, 2007 at 11:37 pm
Its not rape if she blinks twice for yes. ~Jim Morrison

I may not agree with what you have to say, but I will defend to the death your right to say it. ~Voltaire

The shirt is meant as a joke, some would say a bad joke to be sure, but a joke none the less. Society should stop blaming dumb crap like this for “making” or “motivating” people to preform a criminal act. It takes away the personal responsibilty of the person who committed the act, or at the very least mitigates the act. Call bad humor, bad humor and call a criminal act a criminal act. But you can’t make bad humor a criminal act. Besides I do recall a shirt that said “Throw Rocks At Boys Their Stupid!” with a picture of a boy running from a barrage of rocks. An act that condones stoning, a barbaric 3rd world practice which happens mostly to women and yet they can make light of it. On top of that I did some stat checking and there was no increase in the percentage of boys getting stoned or pelted with rocks. So its safe to say a T-Shirt tasteless or not is not going to start a bloody 100 year revolution. Its free speech and its here to stay, plus I’m not giving up my “SCUBA divers do it underwater shirt.”
-Grey Fox

(Someone Did point out later that the "Throw Rocks" shirt got pulled which is wrong because that is fucking with Free Speech, chief amongst our rights. Of course her comes Amanda's Response...)

Amanda Marcotte Feb 20th, 2007 at 11:51 pm
Good thing I have thick skin or else it would hurt me that so many of my new Jesus-loving fans think that it was fucking hysterical when I was raped. Jesus is proud of you. Rape is funny. Jesus said so.
Anyone who thinks that violent sexual assault is funny is immediately banned. Sorry. My skin is thick, but I still remember the pain of it sometimes and I have no tolerance for men who gave up their humanity such that they think rape is fucking wonderful.

(Apparently I got banned because I thought rape was "wonderful.")

(And of course)

Amanda Marcotte Feb 21st, 2007 at 12:15 am
People who continue to wax on about the Duke rape case: People don’t respond because you’re right. They don’t respond because they know from experience that anyone who defends men who write thing like this:
tommrow night, after tonights show, ive decided to have some strippers over to edens 2c. all are welcome.. however there will be no nudity. i plan on killing the bitches as soon as the walk in and proceding to cut their skin off while cumming in my duke issue spandex.. all besides arch and tack please respond
Hates women and would defend a rapist who was caught in the act on videotape. No one talks to you because you are rape-loving scum. If you think otherwise, you are mistaken. Your beloved boys who scream “nigger” at black women and joke about killing and raping them may escape the worst charges, but they are not angels. You know it, we know it. That you defend them makes you such lowly, sleazy scum that it’s no wonder no one talks to you. They’re afraid by acknowledging you, they will catch the evil. Know this. Absorb it. Hope you enjoy sleeping at night, you sick, hateful bastards.

Wow Amanda makes any male dialouge that disagrees with her on her site look as natural as Osama Bin Laden at U.S. Naval Academy 4th of July event. She also has the habit of deleting people's posts that question her logic or offer valid counterpoints, along with people giving her a hard time.(Unlike the Cynics here who believe in a free market place of ideas.) While my opinion on certain kinds of women are admittedly low, I have never condoned rape or think its funny. However I do believe in Free Speech, personal responsibility and I consider myself a rather moderate fellow all round. With that said let us deconstruct Amanda:

Amanda, we need to talk its about your future on my campaign....

In her first response she is obiviously lashing out at the people who are making fun of her plight. Which is in poor taste, but then claims that anyone who has found this shirt funny to have lost their humanity.... Okay look gallows humor, its so wrong its funny, is always going to have an appeal to people because of the complexity of the human pysche and sometimes dark humor is the way we deal with heavy shit. I resent that she thinks that I "have given up my humanity," all I did was condem a criminal act and uphold free speech. Also I did note the intent of the shirt as a joke, and yes a bad one. And will people laugh at bad jokes, yes. Does it make them evil, no. Poor judgement and taste, yes, but again evil no. However Amanda, who apparently somehow got promoted to God, had decreed anyone who even giggled at this farce of a shirt no better than an animal. Nice Amanda, next time learn the first rule of tolerance when you face something, like free speech, you don't like. Just because you tolerate something doesn't mean you have to like it, you put up with it because other people put up with your shit so you extend the fucking favor.

...I know its tough to leave, please take this serverance I know you'll feel better. Take a bite, that's it, good girl. Just make sure you go out the back door.

In the next posting Amanda throws up a situation on rational person would defend to cover her ass, her big, fat, unattractive ass. (Yeah the insults come free kids) I am sure that the Duke Lax players are assholes, but they are innocent assholes. Innocent until proven guilty and so far innocent based on the evidence found. But Amanda would still burn these dumbasses, and they are dumbasses, at the stake if she could. She uses the racial slurs to ensure that she can vilify these dummies. Followed by a cute and subtle accusation that in fact they are guilty, by tossing the word "escape" in there. Escaping the worst of the charges Amanda? You mean like they actually did do it. Despite all the evidence? Despite the fact they are innocent until proven otherwise thanks to the way our legal system works, but you somehow through your divine nature know otherwise?

You sure seemed pissed when the Duke Lax boys close ranks and didn't talk to the police, its no like you have the right to remain silent, or let your lawyer speak for you. (Refering to http://pandagon.net/2006/06/05/insiders-protecting-each-other-outsiders-protecting-the-insiders/#comments) In fact your divine powers even told you they were guilty. You go so far to call them rapists even before their trial, nice way to stay level headed while talking about something important to you. You don't both to say alleged or call them suspects or at least pretend to pay lip service to the idea of a legal system that is based upon evidence and presumption of innocence. Though you do seemed suprised that this even made it to trial.(Refering to http://pandagon.net/2006/04/09/bobo-writes-a-rape-apology/) Hey guess what humanity is not perfect and from 200 years ago to this present day we have seen a huge evolution in personal freedoms, interpretations of the law, intellectual thought, philosophy, and even the way we bake bread. Good and decent people want to see justice done, keyword here JUSTICE. That means evidence, a fair trial the whole nine yards, even if they are privelleged and want to lawyer up. Now if being an asshole was a crime you, me the Duke Lax team would probably all be sitting on death row (ladies first :P); but its not a crime so even though you hate what they represent doesnt mean you can take it out on them hoping someone listens to you and punishes them anyway.

Really there is no difference between you and Bill O'Rielly or the Westboro Baptists. You are nothing more than the polar opposite of Ann Coulter. You are all rabid extremists thinking that the whole of America should rally behind you. What makes you really sad is that you will stand up for good things i.e. against the war on Iraq but push to the extremes. Look Amanda I think you make people take rape far less seriously than they should because when they see your name attached to what may well be a well thought out arguement all they think is evil feminazi bitch or whatever. I think a T-Shirt is the least of worries and is far less a deadly enemy to you than your own rabid mind.

You may claim your Douchebag crown along with a pint of Ben and Jerry's for the ride home.

-Grey Fox

Dating Smart.

2007-02-18T00:38:00.000-05:00

Everyone has a friend that seems to end up dating women who make you think of that evolutionary chart of mankind, but in reverse. Every time they bring home a new girl, she is even worse than the last one. Its like tuning into watch a professional athlete and take interest in his career just after he hit his peak and is plummeting to earth. No words can do justice to describe to you some of the ham-fisted hog beasts for personalities I have seen cast their shadow across some friendships, bank accounts and lives. They are not all hideous in appearance, by their mind and personality are a first class trip into a Lovecraftian* nightmare of inferiority complexes and control issues.

(* I have no idea who Lovecraft is other than some trippy horror writer, but fuck it, if you do then there's some literary referential humor for you.)

But what drives men to date poorly? Many a Cosmo writer would claim these guys just don't understand the game of dating. Ah, great dating is now apparently a game. No one takes games seriously, except for professional players. But hey when's the last time you heard about someone being a professional dater, using relationships for fun, wealth, favors and even fame....

"If I hear one more question about who the father is I'll just DIE!"

Back to our regulary scheduled program.... Do I think there are some guys out there who have a snowballs chance in hell of getting a date. Sure, but I'm willing to bet a lot more guys run into constant frustration with the fact that a lot of women are not all sugar and spice. I believe a lot of guys just run into a lot of women enjoy being bitches, drama queens or are just fucking clueless about how to treat other people. Then you hear about the popular myth that a woman will not tell a guy she is not interested because she doesn't want to hurt his feelings. Though this is a whole other post all together simply put, when a guy hears "No" he knows to move on and not waste time. Women that do this either are not mature, or like keeping around a "Plan B." But right there you can see there is enough crap like that out there to discourage a guy from wanting to date and meet people.*

(* People meaning women, we know plenty of other guys, and no we do not want to meet a woman's guy friends and hang out as one big sausage fest.)

Dating smart is huge these days because so many taboos have been shattered by in Western culture that almost anything goes. Actually is should rephrase that, many taboos have been shattered for women. A woman can justify dating multiple men because she has the right to look around. But if a man dates around and a woman finds out about it and all of a sudden your that bastard they saw on the Lifetime daytime TV movie who left his crippled blind wife and 3 retarded children for her sister...

Then there is the whole idea of standards, which is fine. But then there are the little "tests" women like to put a potential date through. I liken these little tests to those used to prove witchcraft, there fucking retarded and jury rigged like a carnival game.

But fear not guys I'm here to help you cut through the crap......

My Smart Dating Tips:

Quantity does not equal quality, but you have to go through a quantity of assholes to find the quality.
Knowledge is power, if your friends know something that might raise a red flag or get her to raise her skirt use it.
Confidence is key, you can fake it or you can have it based upon something you have or do. Like your mastery of carpentry or the fact you know you have other women date if this one doesn't work out.
No means no, maybe means no, and yes is a definate maybe.
Never call more than 3 times in a day, and even 3 is a lot. Seriously what the fuck do you have to talk about that requires three different conversations. While we are on it, never spend more than a minute on the phone say what you have to say.
Compliments should be used sparringly and should never be over the top. If you think like you sound like some guy out of a date movie you are a souless cheeseball.
Once you leave a message its on her to call you back, you do not keep calling back, you are not desperate.
One night stands require game and the whole comfort barrier thing has to come down fast so play your hand accordingly. While the whole normal dating process revolves around developing a rapport over time. However both involve timing, which you should be aware of.
You can care, just not that much.
Never be afraid to stop dating someone or end a date early because she is an awful date.
Never submit to games or tests, let the quantity of women out there work against the ones who want to "epic quests." Date other women and let the bitches on the high horses feet get cold in the corner.
Listen to understand, not to talk back.
If your "spider sense" is tingling and you think your date is a bad bitch, trust that little voice that warns you about danger, like sticking your dick in a door jamb and shutting the door.
Don't date to date, or to please other people. This is the best way to have negative experiences.
Have your own set of standards and stick to them. No free passes no exceptions.
Burn bridges when you are done dating, make sure they know there is no second time around. Trust me your santiy will thank you later.
Dating is a game, but it has to be a win-win game. Because if someone feels like they have lost they are going to want to do something to make them feel like they have turned the tables on you.
Date lots of women, and always pack a condom. Never ever trust a woman you have just started to fuck to be on the pill or have condoms of her own for you.
Never be afraid to let go of the rope, the more you pull the more someone will pull back and you will get nowhere. Drop the rope and they will move closer to you, without the effort.
Don't waste time and time will be on your side.

-Grey Fox

V-Day! A Poem By Grey Fox

2007-02-13T23:19:00.000-05:00

Hooray if you got a date and hooray if you don't;
If you have date you have to dress up nice,
Even if she's just wearing those ratty jeans
Still refusing to clean her pubic lice,
I sure hope you booked a nice place
Or a look of disgust will sit on her face,
It should be you disgusted;
Her wearing granny panties instead of sexy lace
Will make your boner dissapear without a trace,
Be sure to rush to the florist for the flowers
Be sure to buy the nicest floral arrangement in stock,
Or she probably won't suck your cock
Forcing you to mastribate into that grungy old sock

Now comes the dinner time
With awkward pauses and mundane talk
No hint of sex, Her Vag must be as dry as plain white chalk
Now comes the dancing, and the back straining dip
She's gotten a bit bigger now suffering hippo hip
Better smile and take it
Or you'll never make it
Her place now, this day is almost done
Now her comes your fun...

WAIT!
Here comes a headache no aspirin will cure
She starts getting bitchy when she should be demure
Rush about rush about your thoughts as they might
But no words will soothe this raging bovine sight
Your kicked back into the cold, cold night...
And she said you were the one raised in a barn
So travel on home to numb your arm
Giving yourself the love, with what they call the stranger
Because you are stirring no pangs for sex in her,
Happy V-Day dipshit!

-Grey Fox

2007-01-28T23:02:00.000-05:00

Four Reasons Why a Man Might Cheat

Cheat and get caught and you'll pay the price, which is often the severing of a long-standing and loving relationship. Why take that risk? Not that this excuses him in any way, but here are four reasons a man might give to justify cheating on his wife, according to Men's Health editor-in-chief David Zinczenko, who is also the author of 'Men, Love & Sex: The Complete User's Guide for Women' and 'The Abs Diet' series of books.

1. To fulfill his biology
It's Darwinian! "A man's main job, besides killing the saber-tooth, is to spread his seed in order to ensure the survival of his genetic legacy," says Zinczenko. "It's a man's biology to want to wander." Of course, he's quick to point out that doesn't mean men should wander. Still, the biological urge will be strong.

(I can hear a throng of women mutter bullshit, but I'll remind you that you pull this card everytime you throw your babies in trash cans and start domestic assualts because your biology is making you be bad not that your choosing to be bad. In any case a man shouldn't be fucking you anyways since if all those nasty little chemicals created by those biological reactions makes you incapable of making good choices then if a guy fucked you, it would be like fucking you when your drunk. You'd call it rape the next day while most guys call it beer googles when they have bad hook ups. So ladies you were bitching about...)

2. To get attention
Some men cheat because they aren't having frequent sex at home, but others who do have frequent sex at home still cheat. Why? "Because cheating isn't just about the sex," asserts Zinczenko. "Just as a woman who cheats may be seeking more affection than she's getting at home, a man often cheats because he's seeking the attention that he no longer gets at home." A new woman has a certain allure and mystery. Add to that a bit of flirtatious seduction, and many men just can't resist -- no matter how good they have it at home.

(Yeah this one time I was reading a contradiction that turned into a retarded paradox of an arugement. Look if the man was getting attention at home and regular sex then he would not have to go out to and cheat to get sex and attention. If its really that good at home then a man will stay home. This one goes out to all honies making monies: IF YOU USED SEX TO SNATCH UP YOUR MAN AND THEN TOOK SEX OUT OF THE EQUATION REST ASSURED HE WILL TAKE YOU OF THE EQUATION AND PUT SOMEONE IN YOUR PLACE. As for the lure and mystery that really belongs under excitement, but I guess only having 3 points instead of 4 doesn't make for much of an article )

3. To get out
Some men want to get out of their marriage, but they don't have the guts to properly end it. So they cheat in an attempt to drive their wife away. For some men, "the only way out is to commit the relationship sin that drives a woman away for good. It's not right, but it's what happens," admits Zinczenko.

(Okay so some guys may cheat to get out. Really if she doesn't want to leave and it takes her twinkie eating ass to see you dogging two cheerleaders in bed seriously, just be sure to tell her not try cry on the way out as it will mess up the audio for the camcorder, and not bumping the camcorder would be a plus or it will fuck up the overall production value.)

4. To change up his play list
File this under excitement. A long and loving marriage is often about comfortable routine. For some men, that routine may be boring. A new relationship adds zing and spice to life. Take heart, wives. "What men really want in relationships (and what I suspect women also want) is to be able to take comfort in the routine of a long-term commitment, as long as there are some surprises that make it feel like a new relationship every once in a while," asserts Zinczenko

(Fuck changing the playlist, how about showing me where they put the mute button! I love it how they think that only wives need to keep the excitement going, having had some lackluster girlfriends who exciting to play with as the third string of 1986 Montreal Expo's I think a lot of guys would call for a change in the line up. No such thing as a new relationship, that vagina is not going to get any less stretched out from all that "experimentation" in college. You are not a car that can be reupholstered, but we can sure damn well trade you off like a used one.)

Want More Love? Go to AOL Personals.(There are plenty of 40 year old men claiming to be 18 horny 18 year old chicks its all yours.)

Seriously if women don't want men to cheat its easy. First don't bait and switch your personality or sex habits. Second don't try to change us, you liked at first for what we stood for, don't be retarded if you take away what you first liked you are not going to create something better Dr. Frankenslut. Finally space is key, trust me if you don't realize you need time apart your brain has spent to much time apart from your body. And if you get cheated on and your not married move on, if your married thats a tough one especially when there are kids but thats not my problem.

-Grey Fox

The Race to 2008: Initial Impressions

2007-01-28T17:13:00.000-05:00

So, as we all know, there are less than two years remaining before Chimpy McFlightsuit leaves Washington, DC. Simultaneously, a number of "esteemed" candidates have staked their interest in taking over the White House. As such, I thought I'd share some humble impressions I've had so far about the pending election:

1) Come together RIGHT NOW, dammit - Barack Obama and Hillary Clinton - two names you've undoubtedly been overexposed to right now - are essentially running on mirror platforms right now which centers on bringing both sides of the aisle together to make our country better than before. Uhbama - a name I gave to him after seeing how often he says 'Uh' when speaking - touched on this U-N-I-T-Y concept back in 2004 when he was a candidate for the Senate speaking at the Democratic National Convention. As recently as yesterday Hillary did a similar thing when speaking at a High School in Iowa.

To me, there's a critical issue in running this type of platform. Attempting to appease both sides of the aisle won't work because much of the country will simply not vote in a particular way. Instead of reaching out to the same groups that have a part in keeping the Democrats out of the White House, perhaps their energy would be better spent getting more voters out instead. As of right now, an absurd percentage of the country doesn't even go out to vote. Tapping into this group may be key to victory, instead of trying the Kerry tactic of moderation.

2) Conservatives in moderate clothing - As a self proclaimed cynical libertarian, I don't see the particular appeal in any of the mainstream candidates at this point. That being said, the two front running candidates for the republican party (I'd say McCain and Romney) are being painted as moderates with little good reason to me. The fact is:

1) Romney is moderate because Mass. (a left leaning state) has forced it on him and
2) McCain looks moderate because the country's been run by ultra conservatives for the past few years.

At this point, I'd just say that anyone who is still regretful about 2000 should not let that keep them from looking closely at what the records state.

These are two thoughts I have for now on the topic. As we come closer to 2008 I'll have more. For now I'm going to bang my head into the wall or something.

-TBC

Stupid Bitches And How To Like Them, When You Have To.

2007-01-17T22:38:00.000-05:00

For every guy out there, there is at least one female they would like nothing better than to give her both barrels when it comes to telling her exactly how you feel, angry even hate if she is really that bad. Why? Well you have your reasons and I have mine, but lets just accept the fact that every person we run into is not always going to be plucky and enjoyable to know. Personally I cannot stand loud mouthed hos who think they are the shit. Seriously not only is it a turn off for me for some girl to come up and tell me what she did with some guy or to confide in me that she has a stable of guys for bootycalls and there is "a stall open for me." To top it off if they work with you and think everytime the screw up a task its okay because they are cute, or at least the think they are, because they have warped their body image in their mind like they were constantly looking into a funhouse mirror. I'm sure you have your poster child for condoms you want to tout.

Sadly though we can't simply walkthrough life verbal guns a blazining. For one there maybe some people out there that actually like this stupid bitch you have to deal with. It could be a best friend's girlfriend, it could be a coworker or superior, it could be a family memeber, hell it could even be the mother of your children. Even worse they may hold influence over something important to you, like your bank loan, your surgical prepping, your tax return, and hopefully not your possible conviction and sentencing. More likely they may be friends with your girlfriend or the woman you want to date. Point is you will at some point have to tolerate them.

Keep in mind what tolerate means, it means you put up with something even though you don't like it. So you put up with this stupid bitch, and sometime you may even find yourself needing to pretend you are cool with them. You have to fake it. It sucks, it feels beneath you, dishonest even. But just like on every toliet seat, their are assholes in life you are going to come in contact with that you have to deal with. It takes a lot of work, its like training yourself to build resistances to certain posions, you have to start with small doses. Limit your interactions, especially the one on one stuff. If possible have a bunch of people, who are not douchebags, around when you have to do something with this person. Its like being trapped in a car with the windows locked and somebody farts, if you were alone you would pass out and die from the fumes. Fortunately these other poor souls who are stranded with you are heaving in the same noxious shit you are having to spreading out the amount of gas intake amongst the group. You can take solace in knowing that they are sharing your discomfort, plus this bitch you are dealing with can't focus all her douchebaggery on you. Eventually you can wait her out, either she will finally do something worth busting her chops over or she will piss someone else off or the whole group. Either way is fine, you just have to deal with them for as long as it serves some purpose and that they can't do anything back about it, like pushing a parapelgic in a wheelchair down a steep hill, into oncoming traffic is optional you heel.

-Grey Fox

How To Approach Women.

2007-01-16T00:55:00.000-05:00

This goes out to all you Don Juanabees out there, the guys who want to pick women up but have a better chance of picking up their shattered egos after getting shot down, and for the guys who don't want to feel like they have to fake their way into bed. I have met many guys out there who claim to be players, many who claim that they can seduce any women they want, and even some who say they have a ready "stable" of women ready to fuck them. A couple have been true, some of them have either exgerated their skills, or are living in their own little world. The rest are liars who either don't date or don't know what they are doing. This is doubly true for most dating Gurus out there, they are frauds. Because they all have promise some you they have the magic bullet of dating, and that there way is the only way or the best way, and my personal favorite, the fool proof way. Actually there is no trick to it at all, its all about process. Just as telemarketers and stockbrokers have scripts they run off of when the approach new clients these commercial Casanova's use a their own script for picking up women. They are pretty much guaranteed to land something. Why you ask? Because of two reasons, first volume, by the massive number of attempts they go through they are mathematically promised to get sex out of a woman whether the success ratio is 10 to 1 or 100 to 1. Finally they only refine their script and process they do not do different things each time. By not changing their approach the set themselves up to target a select audience or to target a larger audience through broad appeal. Along with their massive pick up attempts does this ensure that mathematical probability of success. If you change the process your results with vary and so will that success ratio.
Sadly a lot of guys don't have the stomach, time or money to afford the books these guys hawk, read them, practice them, and let alone spend the money required to date the numbers needed to hit the ratio required for success. On top of that their are no fundamentals established so these guys know what to do.

Instead of preaching some system or giving you a laundry list of things to do. I'll just tell you what I do personally and my personal beliefs on dating. First off I know what I am looking for and that's important to me. Also for a lot of people that know me think I am a misogynist, that I hate women. But it goes a lot deeper than that, first I know what "kinds" of women I don't like, also I don't believe that women should be put up on a pedestal so I treat them equally as with everyone else which means they are not above me and can be subject to being questioned. Also the only difference between me and some guys who like to playful tease women as part of their game is the fact that the tone of my delivery makes me sound like I am verbally stabbing a woman with insults. Also what shocks the hell out of everyone is my lack of desire to date, be in relationships, marry or even have kids. But this is the apperance I put forth, if the right woman came along sure I would have no problem having a relationship, marrying and having a litter of kids. But its a hell of a thing to find that right woman. I don't focus on picking up a woman like it is something I have to do. Worrying about scoring only makes you desperate, and desperation is a stench any one can smell. Instead I just focus on being happy, building my career and making the most of life. As such women notice this, and the new relations I have begun to build with the new women I meet are better than the ones who know me from back in the day. Because back in the day I wasn't doing what I do now. The only real difference between me and any friend of mine is the fact that I like making obscure references with my humor and I just haven't found someone I like. Sure I can go out on dates and occasionally do for the hell of it but I just honestly have yet to be truelly inspired. It just comes if I let it, I don't care if it floods through the door or comes in once in a blue moon. I ask for phone numbers when I want, and call when I want. If its a good number fine and dandy, if its a dud well I know I'm not the first or the last. I gave up on fear and I just simply rejoice and more importantly laugh, I've made some good stories and I also laugh at some of the self important women I run into, I laugh at the bad calls I had made but was seemingly saved by being shot down though it didn't seem that way at the time, and I laugh when one of my friends decides to occasionally try and decypher me and women. I only chase when its worth it, and only then for so long. The rest of the time I'd rather the woman come to me because I can be lazy like that and if she was something special to begin with I'd have already done something. Plus I have the gift of knowledge, I know that even as I grow older I will become more attractive for other reasons like stability, networth, power and my desire to live like I'm young. This will let me pick and choose as long as I like. With women they are not so lucky, they get old and that means their beauty fades. On top of that there is always someone more beautiful to replace them, thats how this world keeps running, men get reminded of why its so much fun to populate the world. So I again laugh when I meet a stuck up woman, because how stuck up can she be when she is single, 50 and living with 3 cats. Simply be, be happy, be easy with it, and be constant in what you believe. Thats me when it comes to picking up women, win some lose never. I always win because at the end of the day I'm still happy whether I have a number, date, or fuck buddy or if I just have a bed to myself, no new number on my phone and a date that never happened, I'm still happy.

-Grey Fox

How To Escape From A Bad Date.

2007-01-15T23:19:00.000-05:00

As many of you or many of you will find there is such a thing as a bad date. The common example is some random guy that doing something to turn some random girl off. How off you ask? Well to quote Ali he could turn the lights off so fast he could be in bed before it was dark, that off that quickly. But believe it or not for as many horror stories they may print up in Cosmo about man preforming poorly, (on the date jackass), there are just as many stories of women blowing their chance for a second date and a trip to the sack, because lets face it none of us are just seeing each other for the shared companionship, otherwise we'd all just be really good, plutonic, friends. So why don't we hear more about women being bad dates. Well who the hell would believe you she was a bad date, unless she was an escaped lunatic trying to make a spaceship to return to her home planet out of chopped off cocks; its been universally held that men are the bad daters. On top of that who would you really tell, to a lot of guys it may seem like seeing a UFO, they think they are the only person who has seen something that can't explain. But barring some 3 boobed alien chick, two in the front and one in the back for dancing, landing in you yard and whisking you away for an interstellar blowjob, trust me you are going to have a few bad dates.

The amazing thing is not all bad dates occur on the first date. See like many guys I reffer to chicks having what is called "pyscho cards." These are little moments that signify that not only the her is showing up, but that the real her is Hannibal Lecter...with daddy issues. Some chicks deal out these cards like a vegas blackjack dealer, and they are easy to spot. But then there are others that slip you a few bad hands over time, you don't notice until you are in a cult and its time to drink the cool aide. Well maybe not that bad, but there will be times when she will do some real crazy shit like threaten to kill herself if you left, or simply chase after your car with a knife in one hand and several photoshop images of what your children might look like. Think I'm kidding about that last one. So rather than get caught in a bad relationship why not head off that crap by avoiding, and if need be ditching that bad date in the first place.

First off you have to keep three things in mind before walking into that date:

1. You have standards, they are called standards for a reason. Some people, women, say men are picky if they have standards. If you really think about that all women are saying is that they do not want to go through the same rigorous bullshit they put men through while dating. Of course they don't call it rigorous bullshit, they call it "tests" to see if a guy meets their "standards." Think about it.

2. Realize that crazy is a bad thing. Sure everyone has the right to be their own creative "free spirited" person. But there is such a thing as too free spirited, because as emotionally high as these people get just think about the lows they get to plummet to when the snap or the meds run out. Also forget what people say about crazy bitches being fun in the sack, its not true I promise, mental instability is mental instability it will not turn her into Jenna Jameson. Her friends just told you she was "wild," but thats so they could palm her off onto you since all her drama was taking valuable time away from being with their men.

3. You damn well better learn to say "NO." No is a small about incredibly powerful word, if used correctly it can completely shut someone or an idea, like a second date, down. Don't try and soften the blow, don't try and talk her out of wanting to date you, don't try and reason or justify hanging or not haning out just say no. No is final, no is not reversible because it removes any question that something is up for negotations. No empowers you to take back your life by preventing someone's outside interests from conflicting with yours, namely not to have your face end up on the back of a milk carton one day.

Now not all bad dates with women involve mentally unstable bitches. Those are just the fun stories you get to laugh at one day with your buddies over a beer or when you do meet a good girl. Actually it is important to share some stories with your girl about stuff like this because it acts as a cautionary tale, lets her know what you do and don't tolerate, and gives you later justification to break up with her if she starts acting like one of your crazy ex-girlfriends. On a side note there is nothing more funny than telling a girl you are breaking up with her because you see her "as a continuation of a cycle of abuse you are trying to break." Its the easiest legit cope out break up move you can do, she can't question it, she damn well can't tell her friends because then they have to ask what she did to make you think it and if you come off sincere she'll probably just disappear from your life quickly since seeing you in public would be embarassing for her. Is it a shithead move, maybe, but last time I checked there are no rule books for dating and there are damn sure no Refs to call fouls.
No other bad dates just range from golddiggers, prudes, women with bitch fits, princesses, women who think they are players, rather commonly women who are just boring. Now you wouldn't want to waste your time and money on a crazy bitch and I'm sure you wouldn't want to waste your time on these.

So how do you escape a bad date, its pretty easy actually. Like your HMO its all about prevention. Get to know her first, and by that I mean let her talk. Give her the oppurtunity to talk about herself, focus on her. She won't know any better and she'll love the attention, more importantly the more she talks the more she gives away. She is more likely to shoot her foot off while she is shooting her mouth off to you. Next if any of your buddies know her or know about her never be afraid to ask, if they are your close friends they wouldn't steer you wrong and will warn if you have to be warned. Actually I myself have a standing policy with my friends in the event I get head overheels with a bitch that is bad for me and I can't see it, it is there job to literally kick my ass, hold me down and remind me I made them promise to do this if I ever dated a girl like that and couldn't see her for what she was. But that is how much I trust my inner circle of friends. On top of that keeping your options open works wonders, its like car shopping with so many different models why settle for a fucking Yugo.

So what if you are on a bad date and you want to run, well you can figure your own McGuyver plan out or you can do the easy way. Simply get up go to the bathroom and call a buddy and have him call you in 5 minutes so you can fake an emergency. Go back and sit down when he calls you better reach down and pull out your inner Harrison Ford and act like something serious just happened. Sick grandma, emergency at work, buddy stranded in Vegas and needs some cash from Western Union now-ish, you just realized you are Jack Bauers and you have 24 hours to save the world, again. Whatever, something earth shaking has just happened and this date is over. This allows you to do a couple of things, first you can get your date home safely, pay the bill and you can tell her that once things have settled down you'll call her. "You'll call her," which should mean you'll call her between tomorrow and the madien voyage of the first flying pig. Sure there are more direct things like saying this date is over, or simply going through with the whole date, which is painful and stupid. Not the calling the date over part, but having to fake your way through the date is far more crueler to her and especially you.

What if your date has been a special slice of super bitch this evening. Well nothing corrects bad behavior like negative reinforcement, at least thats what it says in my dog training manual, my dog used to piss all the time on my favorite chair, she didn't respond to my other attempts at stopping her which wear not negative responses. But I found that after putting her nose in it and saying "no, no" a couple of times she got the point. See sticking a real bitches nose in it in the dating world can be a real eye opener. Only under certain special occasions do I recommend sneaking out. Because nothing is more embarassing than realizing your date snuck out on you, stuck you with the bill and no means of transportation. And while you may feel bad that she is now stranded and fending for herself it will give her ample time to realize that you had a point on why the concept of Escape From New York was an awesome movie despite her constant eye rolling.... Actually the fact that someone got up and walked out on her without giving her the time of day as to why will take her down a peg or two. On top of that she has friends to call for a ride, some valiant goody two shoes guy will take pity on her and pay for her meal and a cab, or she has her own money. Now if she decides to walk home through a city at night by herself, thats not you being a shithead thats her being dumb and put herself in God and Darwin's hands. For you more gangster types you can tell her she to her face, get up, leave and tell her to find another way home. This humiliation is far more public and will definately crush that juiced up "woman's spirit" Oparh harps on about. And finally there is these two cop outs, one you aren't feeling well and two the wishy washy maybe its me or maybe its you but you just don't feel it speech. But really if you soften the blow how will your bad dates ever learn they are just that bad dates. Being sketchy and vague about telling someone you don't want to see them is what women do to avoid the responsibilty that comes with anyone who dates that is you don't string someone along and you damn well let them know they are wasting their time.

-Grey Fox

Happy Holidays.

2007-01-07T23:11:00.000-05:00

Happy Holidays, we are currently on break and will be back next week. Stay Tuned.

-Grey Fox

Laughing All The Way To The Open Bar....

2006-12-20T01:13:00.000-05:00

Warning if you are a woman or Hugo Boy you will be offended.

So I recently went to the wedding of a friend, who by all accounts including mine has married a nice girl. It will probably work out because they were damn sure to lay out just what each of them wanted to do and his prenup is iron clad. My friend is an optimist, but he knows the odds too. Some relatives of mine were also there because he knew them as well having worked with some of them. After his wedding ceremony was over here is where the fun begins...Having come from a client meeting and knowing that I was going to a wedding I was looking my absolute finest. No sooner than the ceremony was over friends and relatives started looking at me and saying that "I was too cute not to have a girlfriend," and of course when I was going to get married. One of the brides friends who has been dying to get married since the age of 12 and will the be last one of her friends to get married asked if I wouldn't mind giving her a ride to the after party the converstation on the ride over runs like this:

Her: So what are you doing now?
Me: I work as an investment adviser in the city.
Her: So thats how you afford nice things?
Me: Yes, that is how I afford nice things for myself.
Her: So what do you do on the weekends for fun?
Me: I go out to clubs or bars for dinner and drinks, maybe catch a comedy act if someone good is in town.
Her: Wow, you and your girlfriend must have a great time, its too bad she couldn't make it today.
Me: I don't date.
Her: Your single!
Me: I don't date.
Her: Your not gay are you?
Me: No, I just don't date.
Her: Well how the hell are we suppossed to go out?
Me: We are not.

Now there is nothing physically wrong with this girl, she isnt fat, ugly or the elephant man's daughter. But she does have that I need a man vibe. As for me I simply don't date for the simple reason is that I am happy and intend to stay that way. Actually everytime I have dated a woman i did it when I was actually in a good place in life but after all was said and done I actually was worse of than when I started. So it went like rolling a boulder up a hill just to have it roll back down at you. Thanks but I only intend to keep moving up in the world not down.So as we pull up to the reception she streaks out of the passanger seat crying, because apparently I don't love her or she was probably thinking of the happy bride and groom dancing in the ballroom and how that she was not going be that happy bride....EVER. So a few of the brides maids rush after her as she hurls herself into the ever scared women's bathroom, which for some reason mystically add volume and echo to a woman's tearfull sobbing transforming her blubbering swan song of jilted maiden tears into the roaring banshee howl of an old spinster fucking a broken fog horn. I left her be and helped myself to a Beam and Coke.The ballroom where the dance floor and dinner tables were was a sight to behold. Not that the place was fabulous but they surreal nature of the seating. First off you had two tables one table were divorced husbands all sitting together the next table was all their divorced wives sitting together. Of course it even more comical when everyone started dancing they ended up dancing together because they were told old to find someone young, they ruined each other financially not to mentioned fucked up their lives, but they would rather dance with each other than sit at a table with nobody to call their own especially at a wedding party. The rest of the tables were set up with family and friends. Now the friends were interesting because their tables were set up in such a way that the those who were probably next to get married were all sitting together. I couldn't help but to think how long it would be before they were taking the places of those sitting at the currently divorced tables.Now the night moves along fine. I'm on good behavior because its a friend's wedding and I'm not going to fuck up his day, plus I'm in a good mood because I have a group of 7 people asking me about the market and what stocks are hot and that does nurish my ego. I'm making my way to the bar to freshen my drink when the DJ stops the music to make an announcement.

DJ: If I could have everyone's attention please. XXXXX wishes to dedicate this song and dance to a man she cares about. She wants to melt your cold heart with her warmth, Mr. GreyFox could you please come to the dance floor...

I can now hear some awe's coming up from the guests and there in the middle of the dance floor is the girl who I had given a ride to, who had blindly ran into the women's room crying when we arrived at the party, and now this....what was I to do.Well it is tradition that the Bride and Groom slip away early from the party to consumate their relationship for the "first" time. So taking a page from that game book I slipped out the door near the bar in the reception hall, making my way to the car.If you have never left a woman expecting you on the dance floor in front of a large crowd of people like that you probably don't know what I'm going to talk about next, but if you have.... You feel like you just scored one for the good guys, or bad guys deepending who's side you are rooting for, but more importantly it feels like you shrugged off this dirty yoke, like you were expected to be that guy who finds love at someone elses wedding that you to have the love bug now and everyone is a couple now. You feel like you escaped this mickey-mouse-club-let's-drink-the-cool-aid cult. So I drove to the one most secluded, laid back bar I knew laughing all the way.

-Grey Fox

Predictions For The New Year.....

2006-12-19T23:29:00.000-05:00

They say that the New Year is meant to be a symbol of hope. That you can start fresh, unburdened by last years mistakes. You are free to start over again. While that is true on a personal level, geopolitically and economically speaking the New Year does not forgive mistakes from the past. People also think its fun to predict what next year will hold and to see if they are right. So without further delay:

GREY FOX'S NEW YEAR'S PREDICTIONS

I hope most of them are not going to come true

George W. Bush will announce that he is sending more troops to Iraq.
The Democrats will not be able to field a viable presidential candidate.
Lindsay Lohan will fall off the AA bandwagon into a bottomless pit of scotch.
Rudy Giuliani will get the Republicans nod for the presidential nomination.
You will probably have at least one regrettable hook-up.
The military bases in Germany being closed are merely going to be moved to Iraq so instead of having troops on deployment, they will merely be on a tour. Bush can claim he brought the troops on deployment home and call it a political victory, because the American public is too stupid to realize nothing changed. He may or may not land on an aircraft carrier to announce the mission has been accomplished a second time.
Any girl that turned 17 this year will no longer be jail bait by the end of the next coming year.
Any economic momentum gained by all the holiday shopping will be squandered when the president and or congress do something stupid.
All freshman girls in college will gain at least 15 pounds.
All freshman girls that went to Randolph Macon College will gain at least 30 pounds and 3 kinds of STDs.
American Idol will pick another winner who will be talented, hardworking and likable. To bad the American public won't take the same time they spend on making their choice for American Idol on picking the right candidate for office.
Taco Bell stock will take a dive for some reason.
You will still eat at Taco Bell.
You will get diarrhea at least once from eating at Taco Bell.
Religious groups like the Westboro Baptists will continue preach that everyone is a gay sinner who God hates and will be punished. They will still claim that God is a loving, forgiving and compassionate being. Once again the Westboro Baptists will miss the whole loving, forgiving, and compassionate thing God is all about.
Stupid Southern and Midwestern hicks will wish that George W. Bush still had another 4 years in office. Snobby elitist liberals will wish those hicks would finally just cousin fuck each other till their offspring were sterile.
Major wars will erupt in Africa due to poverty, famine and corrupt governments. Watch for Somalia to make it back into the news again.
George Clooney will continue to call for an end to violence in Darfur through government intervention, but balk when he finds out that would actually require a military response.
George W. Bush will not give a shit about Darfur because the people there are black, which keeps suit with his response to Louisiana.
Asian Bird Flu will finally get the response needed when it kills beloved celebrity Big Bird.
Someone will tell a child that Santa is not real and that thanks to Hanukkah Jewish kids are guaranteed 7 presents at least, that child will cry.
Your parents, even if over 50 are guaranteed to do it at least one time this year.
Either congress will vote the draft back in, or president George W. Bush will use an executive order to bring back the draft.
You will pay more in taxes especially if you are in the middle class.
Social Security will start to collapse.
Iraq, unless violently suppressed will continue be complete chaos and casualties will mount.
North Korea will launch a missile at Japan, Japan will launch Godzilla at North Korea if it hasn't been destroyed by a North Korean missile.
You will cop a feel on a hot chick while very drunk.
Tucker Max may or may not be a liar but he will write another funny best seller and I will read it.
The international sector of the stock market will do well because the American market will tank.
More industrial labor jobs will be sent to foreign countries. More people will not have a job.
The president, the senate, and congress will futher lose touch with the needs of the American public. But they will still want to touch Jessica Alba.
AIDs will continue to go out of control in Africa because Christian charities will deny supplies, medcines and funds because the idea of teaching safe sex is a greater sin than idly sitting by and allowing millions to die apparently.
The Islamic world will continue to push the West around and get us give up more of our freedoms to appease them.
Osama Bin Laden will continue to receive support from Pakistan and Saudi Arabia.
The United States will still be dependent upon Middle East oil.
Energy companies will squash at least one promising alternative energy source that would free the United States from Middle East oil.
Tensions between China and India will become strained.
Politically Correctness will become even more absurd.
The demands from women on men will go beyond absurd.
Maddox will be totally bummed that he didn't think up this list first.
You will tell 50 friends about this blog damn you!
You will meet at least two women who have their lives run by Oparh, MTV and The View.
For some reason you will not date those two women.
The murder rate in Baltimore will continue to skyrocket, but you'll never hear about it because Martin O'Malley and the Baltimore City Police will not report all the cases they actually run into.
Martin O'Malley will suck as governor of Maryland, and his ugly mistress will continue to suck him off. Things in Maryland will suck as well.
Firefighters and Police officers will continue to be underfunded and overworked, you will at least donate 10 bucks to a credible charity that helps them out.
You will thank a U.S. serviceman or woman for what they do, because you damn well would not want to have to do it yourself unless you are in the service. Sending a care package to a serviceman or woman abroad is a good way of saying thanks.
Jennifer Love Hewitt's nose will continue to get bigger as she continues to dress even more hideously than before.
Despite the benefits of stem cell research, the religious right will continue to have knee jerk reactions against it.
The seperation between church and state in the United States will continue you dissolve.
Comedian Bill Maher will still have his T.V. show on HBO despite not being funny.
Those two women who let Oparh, MTV and The View run their lives will commit suicide when they find out their lives are meaningless, fake and cost them decent attractive men. Four more women however will rise up and take their place. Oparh, MTV and The View will not care or notice.
The public school system in American and especially in Baltimore will continue to decline as money is sucked away from the schools for stupid pork barrel projects and unfunded mandates.
Shelia Dixon will continue to steal money from the people of Baltimore until she is no longer mayor.
There will be at least one major fire in the Western United States.
There will be at least two school shootings, it may or may not be the Amish taking their revenge.
Tom Cruise will continue to lie awake at night fighting for sleep as he is tormented by the fact he continues to deny his homosexuality and that Mission Impossible 3 sucked.
Mission Impossible 4 will not star Tom Cruise. He will tell Katie Holmes to cut her hair short and fuck her from behind to fell better about himself.
No one will ask why Madonna and Angelina Jolie didn't just adopt some disadvantaged child from their own country.
Men will continue to face a gender bias against them in Divorce and Custody proceedings.
The Divorce rate will continue you to climb.
You will think about the last two predictions when you decide to propose this year.
The startegy in Iraq will not work and Georege W. Bush will be to pigheaded to admit it.
Grey Fox will write another list of predictions next year.

-Grey Fox

They Teach You Safe Sex, But They Don't Teach You...

2006-12-18T00:40:00.000-05:00

"And the sixth day God made man, and on the seventh day he rested, and on the day after that God made woman. From that day forward God and man have not since rested."
-The quote on the conduct referral written by the Nun for "blasphemy" by Grey Fox in sixth grade religious studies class that for some reason was undertaking the sexual education component.

Yeah my sex ed experience, nuns, those fat no sex having penguins teaching me after sex. Actually is was more about abstaining till marriage, or doing the priest or nun thing. You have to love that recruitment pitch they slip in there. The pinnacle of that farce was that one of the nun's passed out pledge cards for us to sign and keep. This pledge card was a contract with God that we would abstain from sex until we were married, and we were to read it when we felt the "urge." I had my reasons for not signing the card first, if I truly believe in being abstinent I don't need a card for something my religion would require. Second having firmly come to terms with being human I knew that at some point I was bound to fuck up, that thing I want to do is top off pissing off my creator by breaking the no nookie rule by violating a contractual agreement. Of course my classmates jumped on the bandwagon and a couple found out that I didn't sign. They started to pitch the no nookie clause to me, but I wasn't down with the Cool Aid they were passing out. Of course like sixth graders the next big "event" would make them forget all about this. Just my luck, or the nature of the beast a few weeks later one of the girls let it spill that one of the guys she had been "dating" in my class could only get a 2 inch boner when she gave him a blow job. Bless that little whore, everyone dropped the pious routine and like jackals over a fresh kill they tore away at all the juicy details. Overnight a popular kid in my class went from A-list to Z-list, his reputation was destroyed and he would not get a date again till he was in high school in a different county....

See this is the shit they don't teach you in sex ed class. Sure they talk about safe sex, but they never talk about safe dating. The teaching will never tell the kids to watch this video or look at this diagram on how to keep a bitch's mouth shut after you do the deed. There are no seven warning signs pamphlets you are dating a gold digger or an attention whore, like there are with STDs. When it comes to these life lessons it gets left up to trial and error, so many people freak out and blush at the thought of telling their child about the act of sex, they forget about what has to happen in order to even make it up to that point. Some of you never got a teacher willing to take the time to give you a basic run through on this stuff.

BUT DON'T WORRY YOU GOT ME.

First and foremost here are the types of women you should avoid:

"They Guys kinda Guy Girl:" This girl can pal around with any of the boys, goes drinking, talks about her sexual "conquests," she'll even suggest going to the strip club. While this sounds cool this girl is not. First she definitely has underlying daddy issues hence why she dives right into the guy stuff, at the worst she has gender issues that are slowly eating away at her psyche. Next no wants to hear some girl having so many sexual partners her vagina is now a clown car and who knows who's climbing out of that stretched out cock trap. For anyone woman not understanding what I am getting at if you are reading this part, here is how it works: Guys like to know that you like sex, not having sex with a ton of other guys, that we don't like.
The Prude and "The Prude:" The first is obvious, most of these girls are conservative on everything including sex. They are not fun, they are sour little creatures who frown on cutting loose. They are also the ones to make it harder on the rest of the women out there to want to express themselves sexually because these are the ones that start all those anti-male/anti-sex campaigns. The other is a fake prude, her fake piety and propriety makes her just a bad as the real thing, but deep down she is more jaded than a stripper. Trust me on this. They will seem to pure and to innocent, something won't feel right.
The Attention Whore and Gold Digger: Yeah brother these have a special place in Hell in my book. They are a pain in the ass who drain men of their money, time, and sanity because it feels so good for them to be the star of the show. They probably put out when they were 15 at the latest, they have been relying on their body to get them through life. Sure looks can get you pretty far but these monsters get their just reward when age and better looking younger women take them out of the game. These women are easily I.D.ed by the fact that they will have a bunch of guys in their lives, they hang out with someone different on the weekneds, and they never seem to pick one guy definately as the guy to be in a long term relationship with. They also have a habit of only wanting to do things that cost money and let them feel they are living the life.

But just like people you cannot just lump everyone into a group and expect them to fit neatly into a category, but there are definate warning signs that you should never be afraid to say to yourself that you may need to get out before it ends up costing you:

She starts fights constantly, not even over couples issues.
She tries to plan out what you do with your time.
She sees your friends as a threat.
She suddenly loses intrest in doing something if its "low budget."
She takes a non emergency phone call during a date and launches into a conversation.
You notice that there is another guy is "competing" for her, but she seems to keep things moving in a direction that neither signals you or him as her man.
She tells you about all her personal problems, she talks about all the gossipy junk in her life. Congratulations you are her emotional tampon.
She get jealous at the smallest thing.
She makes a habit of talking down to you or she thinks she is the alpha in the relationship.
She keeps secrets from you.
She can't keep your secrets or the intimate details of your relationship quiet.
She has had 4 sexual partners that were random and definately questionable hook-ups.
She starts changing what you do and how you behave.
She pushes the relationship to move quickly, or she has an agenda or fixed timetable on how things should go.
She thinks she can decieve you.
If she causes you to doubt her....

The big thing about safe dating is that you are careful and diligent throughout the entire process. Even more so you need to be able and willing to end it with a girl or shutdown the relationship building process with her, meaning no more dating or contact. Because if a girl is that bad, she will sting you somewhere along the line even if you are just friends. Remember just because we were born at night does not mean we were born last night so don't let them think they can put one over on you. Do your homework and your good to go.

IN THE SPIRIT OF BEING A GOOD TEACHER, SHOULD YOU HAVE ANY QUESTIONS POST THEM IN THIS THREAD AND I WILL ANSWER THEM. WHAT YOU DO WITH THAT ANSWER IS UP TO YOU.

-Grey Fox

Okay, you pulled my arm....

2006-12-14T01:04:00.000-05:00

Since AI - master of all that is political - has invited me to, I've decided to make a few statements on the supposed hero of the 2008 election, Barack Obama. Since his unheard of ascension to the United States Senate in 2004 he's gathered much attention as a strong national leader and potential executive (or vice-executive) for America in the coming years. Here's a few responses.

Is he really that eloquent?
One comment generally (and undeservedly, in my humble opinion) given to Obama is about his stage presence. This can be reflected in the blogosphere, in fact - many people support Obama on the premise that he can eloquently speak on topics. However, here's what you must keep in mind:

1) He's a Harvard Trained Lawyer, and
2) Given his touring, he likely has a PR and speech writing staff the size of a military squadron.

Given this, it is no surprise that when he speaks - whether at the 2004 DNC or at a random stop on the "Obama 2007 Shuck 'n Jive to the White House" tour, he comes across as an amalgamation of MLK and Kennedy.

To me, what would stand as a better test is how he sounds when he is in an impromptu discussion. Or even a potentially scripted one (did anyone see when he was on Jay Leno?). In these points, we can see glimpses of his true idiocy. After seeing this a few times - scripted Obama versus conversational Obama - I renamed him Barack 'Uh'bama.

My point: A polished performer can get people to believe anything. And we've seen actors make their ways in Federal politics before... Ronald Reagan anyone? And being genuine can be very easily mimicked as well - Even George W. Bush can seem to really care about the people of Iraq at times....

"I don't really have a platform, how about this?"
With two years as a Senator, Obama has developed quite a national presence. However, in my time watching him, I've concluded that this presence could not have come from his knowledge of the Issues. Instead, I would attribute this instead to his ability to pass himself as the American dream... which he somehow manages to do in EVERY SINGLE CONVERSATION HE HAS. In essence, Barack would rather us marvel at his past than wonder about our collective future. Good call, Senator.

Instead of offering substantive commentary on the issues or even a definitive idea, Obama generally touches on themes of consensus growth, believing that we can work together to accomplish our goals. Fair enough - if a seasoned politician made such a stance. However, when a Junior Senator makes such a statement, it means one of two things to me:

1) He is gearing up to appeal to a larger base (OBAMA 2008)
2) He has no particular ideas of his own.

Deconstructing Obama
And for the record: Remember, Obama's the product of two well educated parents, and was exposed to the world at a young age. From there he was able to attend two Ivy League Schools. He is far from your average American, don't believe the hype.

The Audacity of Obama
Only in America would someone like Obama even receive the attention he's getting. We must look at the facts:
1) He's been in the national headlines for essentially 2 1/2 years,
2) He's had a less than impressive - which is to say unsubstantial - record in the senate (freely admitted by his fans, I might add - they call him a "stealth candidate," I call him a "waste of votes"),
3) He's being looked at as a contender for the 2008 election

Perhaps its more a tribute to how pathetic the Democratic Primary will be (Vilsack? Kucinich? Okay, sure.), but to me Obama should be getting laughed off of The Hill. The apparent appeal of Obama so far stands as yet another victory of style over substance. My only comfort in this would be that he would likely scare Hillary - the only person who I dislike even more.

My point:
If Obama wants to run, Zeus bless him and good luck. I'm sure some people will vote for him on some noble principle ("A black guy should lead the country now." Wow, voting by skin color would never hurt the country), but it will not come from the issues. Barack Obama has utterly and monumentally failed to offer us a definitive vision for the future besides in a form that he makes $13.99 off of. Instead, he hopes to perform a magic trick: throwing a seasoned speaker but juvenile politician into a hat and pulling out a credible leader of our country. But some of us are onto his tricks. With any hope, the people of this country won't be duped when the primaries come in 2008.

Why Everyone Should Despise the M.U.F.F.

2006-12-13T23:38:00.000-05:00

M.U.F.F. (Noun): The term M.U.F.F. is an acronym used to describe a woman of low physical beauty and large girth. M.U.F.F. stands for My Ugly Fat Friend. Because the woman is exactly that ugly and fat. She is usually found along side moderately attractive to attractive women, because by being so ugly and fat she makes her friend look better by comparison. M.U.F.F.'s also typically act as the gatekeeper for better looking women and are typically subdued from their guard dog duty by what most men would call the act of "taking one for the team," or "leaping on the grenade."

Also see: A.U.F.W.L when in club or bar situations, refers to Ass Ugly Friend Who will want to Leave.

-Taken from the Lexicon Of Grey Fox

The M.U.F.F. is by far one of the most vile creatures you will come across on this earth. Sure there was Caine who after slaying his brother Able was forever marked by God and to be reviled by mankind, but there was only one of him, the numbers of M.U.F.Fs in the world definately out weigh one skinny guy from the Old Testament. Actually one good sized M.U.F.F. would out weigh him. What makes a M.U.F.F. so vile is not because a woman is ugly and fat, that just makes her unattractive, its what she stands for and more importantly allows herself to stand for.

You see a M.U.F.F. willing accepts the friendship of a hot girl, because that girl is in the IN crowd, she brings the M.U.F.F. social exposure, and fiegns friendship to her. In return the M.U.F.F. just has to be one part nun and one part bodyguard for the hot girl. The M.U.F.F. damn well knows that she is not real friends with this hot girl because they just "click" and can talk about anything. But she fools herself into thinking otherwise, the only reason that hot girl wants to talk to her M.U.F.F. is so she can have an emotional tampon to bleed all her spoiled feelings about boys that fustrate her and how her parents are bastards for not getting her that Louie Baton bag. Even worse a M.U.F.F. allows herself to be treated and trained like a dog. She goes where her master goes, the bar, the club, the movies, the mall and so on. The dog training kicks in when she watches which guys her hot girl master shots down, and eventually learns which ones she should cock block. For her reward she gets taken to Basket Robbins or late night Taco Bell for a treat. Don't believe me? Go look through the glass window some time its like their kennel.

If the loss of self respect is enough to despise these beasts, then its what happens to them as they serve out their time as a M.U.F.F. You see at first they start out naive, they believe that guys will want them just because they are around a hot girl. So naturally the get bitter when the guys hurdle past them like they were leaping over dog shit to keep their Aldo's nice and clean. And just when they think they are about to land one, thats when the wingman, the guy sent in to distract the M.U.F.F., runs like hell once his buddy is in with the hot girl. Overtime a little seed of jealously and bitterness takes root in their soul. Soon they start looking for guys to actively shoot down, even the one's her hot girl master likes. The M.U.F.F. will even fool herself into believe that she is in fact a hot girl, this accounts for all those fat girls in the club that dress way to "sexy" for their weight class. They get pissy, willfull and mouth off. Eventually they end up biting the hand that feeds them, and just like a puppy that has gotten older and is no longer cute, the master kicks her to the curb. Seriously the hot girl kicks the M.U.F.F. out her life because the M.U.F.F. has been sabotaging her relationships, scaring off decent men and dared to believe she and the hot girl were equals. So out on the street she goes and another M.U.F.F. gets called up and the cycle continues.

That's why M.U.F.Fs are so vile, they not only act like complete bitches to everyone by the time they become a full blown M.U.F.F. But they also willing become one to be accepted by the IN crowd. They accept slavery in a sense that they give up their free will, self respect and autonomy for the sake of following someone who promises the chance at something better by being their servant. Look ladies its okay to be fat, and you don't have to be pretty, you need to get your loving, well just not from me, but there are friends and guys out there for you. Please don't choose to be a M.U.F.F., its like drugs just say no.

You ladies may be saying to yourself, Grey Fox I am not the M.U.F.F. This could be true, but take a look at your friends if you cannot find the ugly fat one, I'd hit the home shopping channel up for a stairmaster and a makeover kit. There are better things than being a M.U.F.F. like a goth chick or a practice girl for some guy who needs to build confidence. But if you are a M.U.F.F. and don't care, then know society shuns you, men hate you, and your hot friends don't like you. Go have another twinkie.....

-Grey Fox

Kucinich Is In.........

2006-12-13T00:30:00.000-05:00

Well folks, Kucinich is throwing his hat into the ring for the 08 race for the white house. I was a Kucinich fan back in 04, I voted for him in the primary even though Kerry had the nod locked by then. I thought Kucinich brought a great perspective that stood in stark contrast to the corporate dems. Unfortunately many folk cannot get past the idea that he doesn't "look presidential". What a world we live in. I guess that means we should be looking at Obama. He has that great smile and says those platitudes that make us feel oh so good. Oh ........., and he is black, tall, good lookin, speaks well, and doesn't scare white folks! I suspect TBC has more to say on Obama. Thats if he isn't too angry to type. But for now, I'm interested in what Kucinich will do.

Please Allow Me To Introduce Myself....

2006-12-12T23:38:00.000-05:00

To Quote Cyprus Hill:

"Get Ready Motherfuckas'."

We will be talking more later....

-Grey Fox

Welcome, Grey Fox!

2006-12-12T23:15:00.000-05:00

I'd like to take a moment to welcome Grey Fox to our assembled cast. Grey Fox is an old and dear friend of mine who will bring us insights on women, relationships, and how screwed up our culture is with regards to both.

Have at it, bud!

-TBC

The Agnostic Insomniac has signed in!

2006-12-11T18:18:00.000-05:00

I am pleased to join TBC in what will be a blog dedicated to scathing critiques of humanity. My interests include music, fitness, tech, and politics. I grew up going to church, however, experiences with family, friends, and society, led me astray. Over time I found the message of the church to be shallow and unfullfilling. It is difficult, because being a black atheist goes contrary to the stereotypical view of the jesus loving church going black folk. Of course, those black folk who dare cast aspersions on the atheists who need 'jebus' should ponder why they worship a slavery imposed white jesus.

In terms of politics, I was a loyal and unquestioning democrat. However, my naivete and partisan blinders began to break down after the 2000 pres. election. Lack of democratic backbone in the face of the republican warmongers made me lose hope in party leaders. And winning the 2006 elections by default does not impress me. The majority of the establishment, including several CBC members, are bought political hacks willing to sell their constituent's interests down the toilet for a quick campaign contribution and electoral power. The two major parties wallow like pigs eating from the same trough. I remain liberal in my viewpoints however I now cringe at the thought of calling myself a democrat. For now, I consider myself politically unaffiliated.

Expect greatness to follow in coming days ..........

So yeah, hi....

2006-12-11T00:46:00.000-05:00

If you somehow managed to make it through all the text from my last post, I thought I'd say "howdy," "ni hao" and "Bonjour, you cheese eating surrender monkeys!"

Full web handle is The Baltimore Cynic, but call me TBC for short. I'm a 24 year old worker, and you get no points if you can guess where I'm from. My interests include reading, working out extensively (generally 4-7 days a week if lucky), music, and being out and about when possible.

SBA and I grew up together, but life sends people to different places it seems. However, we talk often, and at some point one of us concluded that our ideas were pretty damn a) offensive, b) hilarious, and c) provocative. It turns out those three things are needed to post a good blog, so here we are.

We both have a decent amount in common; we're both black, both atheists, and both well educated (That is, both of us attend/have attended graduate school). Our writing tends to take on different things as well. SBA's taken a lot more time to analyze the political environment along with relationships and make astute observations, while I tend to reserve my scorn for religion and popular culture. However, we have many observations on many things, and you will be able to partake of that.

Also: Unlike certain corpulent black bloggers who more resemble gestapo with girth than respectable writers, we will not delete or edit your posts. Ever. If you have a good idea, we will honor it by letting it stay up and offer feedback. Alternatively, if you make a stupid posting, we will leave it for everyone to laugh at.

That's all for now. Stay tuned to the blog, there's a lot to be said over the next few days and beyond.

-TBC

Confessions of an Infomercial Junkie; Consumerism Run Amok, part 1.

2006-12-11T00:36:00.000-05:00

My name's Chad Smith. I'm an everyday person, with one small difference from most people: I am committed to optimal efficiency. Fortunately, there is a service available to insure I get it: the infomercial. The result of this is a life of simplicity thanks to a few small substitutions here and there. I thought i'd give a breakdown of one of my days for you.

6:30 am - wake up, using my HUMMER alarm clock. It was a long night, but I believe that today will be a most efficient day. I'm awaiting the arrival of some new products.
6:45 am - Time to train. I spend fifteen minutes lifting using the Total Gym, follow that up with a Power Fitness Vibration Plane, then wrap up my session with ten minutes of Billy's Boot Camp. I haven't seen as much progress with the physical fitness as I'd like - by this point I was expecting rock hard abs, a nicely toned body, and lots of energy. Oh well.

7:30 am - Time to hit the bathroom. I use the Oxygenics showerhead to scrub down, following it up with a Nad’s Gel Kit for Men for my hair, and a secondary wipe down with Epil-Stop & Wipe Away to get rid of any dead skin I couldn't get rid of. Feeling very 'fresh,' 'youthful,' and 'renewed', I rush downstairs to enjoy the rapid speed breakfast which my equipment now permits me to do. I add an Orange to the Starfrit Potato Peeler Express and deskin it, adding the resulting orange to the Juiceman Juice Extractor (after using one of my Ronco Six Star 25-piece cutlery set knives to cut it into pretty bits). Simultaneously, I crack an egg and add it to some vegetables in the Magic Bullet Blender to make a frothy mixture. I add what remains to Chef Giornali's Omelet Pan, while tossing a few bits of bacon to my Bacon Wave bacon cooker. Within three minutes my omelet is done and so is my bacon and juice. Quickly consuming my food, I take a moment to give everything a wipe down then look at my clock. Oh crap - my Atomic Watch reads 8:30, I'm late... again.

8:30 am - I'm on the road once more. My cellular phone rings. I reach for my FoneFree device, which will insure my safety while driving and talking on the phone at the same time. Its ShipCo, who sends me all of my consumer goods. Apparently my Ab Sonic - the final piece of my fitness regimen puzzle - will not be in today. I am furious.

"What do you mean, the Ab Sonic won't be there?!?! It was assured to me by the kind people (on tv) that it would arrive within a week! Well, you have me very close to being unsatisfied, and you know what that means! Well, you are so lucky RonCo doesn't have a mailing business, or you'd be out of work!"

I cut off the phone and reach for my morning Apple and Strawberry smoothie which I created using my Power Mixer. Fortunately this always calms me down... the fact that it is making me so muscular and powerful is a good thing too.

9:15 am - I arrive into work... late. My boss has been warning me about being in late. I need a good excuse. There he is...

"Smith! What have I told you about being late?"
"Well sir, my Bible Challenge ran a bit longer than normal last night so I woke up a bit late."
"This is getting very old - if it happens once more, only christ will save you from me canning you."

That was close.

11:45 am - Nearly Lunch time. Thank goodness. I'm looking forward to trying out the spaghetti I made with the Perfect Pasta Pot, along with my Hamilton Beach BrewStation. I usually would never drink on the job, but I've got a Chasers just in case. Chrissy - my attractive co-worker i'll be seeing later tonight - walks over to me, undoubtedly allured by my Dream Lips and Bye Bye Blemish drying lotion.

"Hi Chad..."
Must remember the line that the video on seduction taught me...
"Oh... hello. You're looking perfect today - but then again you always do..." She grins. Excellent. "So, I'll be seeing you later on tonight for dinner and dancing right?"
"I'm looking forward to it... and if you treat me right, perhaps breakfast too." She winks and walks away.
If there is a God, he has blessed me with the infomercial.

3:00pm - I'm a little hungry, but I decide to let it pass, sipping on a cup of Slim Coffee instead. Satisfies my hunger issue along with my weight? Talk about two birds and one stone.

5:30pm - Time to run. As I pass by, I see Chris, a friend of mine, exiting as well.

"So Chad - we're doing Card night on Friday, right?"
"Bring your money, sucker."
Little does he know I'll be ready. With my Winning strategies for Blackjack and Poker, his money will be mine. I hop in my car and put on my DAYA Sunglasses. Protection against the sun and sharp looking - this is awesome.

A car in front of me suddenly stops. Thanks to my reflexes - undoubtedly thanks in part to the Slim Coffee from earlier along with my Smart Technique training - I immediately breaking. But, in the process my smoothie spills all over my car. Great. I reach into my glove compartment and remove the Liquid Leather, scrubbing down the compartment quickly. No time to relax though, dinner will be in less than 75 minutes.

6:00pm - I run in and prepare the meals as rapidly as possible. I promised Chrissy a good eastern meal, so Sushi it is. I start working with my Sushi international Sushi Maker to put together a quick meal. What's a good wine to match with this? I reach for my Wine Enthusiast Wine Master. Chardonnay it is. I add a fresh bottle to my Bottle Chiller. In 20 minutes it will be ready.

6:30pm - the gods of convenience have smiled on me again, as Chrissy walks in just as the meal finishes preparing. I greet her and sit her down with the Bottle of Chardonnay. For some reason, it isn't chilled. No matter. I offer to play some music for her. At least I know that my CD won't malfunction. I pull out a new CD, quickly opening it with the CD Stripper that came in yesterday. As the CD begins playing, I guide her to the table. We start with some Fruits that I put together with the V Slicer. As we eat, she begins to inquire about me.

"So, what do you do when you aren't at work?"
"Mostly stay at home, I'm pretty boring."
"Why?"
"I've got everything I need here, for the most part."
"Oh?"
"Yeah, everything but the AB Sonic. But that'll be in soon enough."
"What is that?"
"It helps me sculpt my abs without doing any work - I'm looking forward to using it."
"Where did you hear about that?"
"Informercial - those things are great, they take all the thought out of everything."
"Don't they only sell junk there?"

I pause - she has just violated my cardinal rule: never insult the product.

"well, not all junk..."
"Well, mostly - have you ever bought other fitness equipment from there? Terrible mostly. The irony is, in the time people spend waiting for a delivery - a week - they could probably be well on their way to getting in shape by just leaving their homes."

Simmer, Chad...

"Well, I've used the total Gym, once or twice, and that Tae-Bo guy, and..."
*DING* I forgot about the Breadmaker's Hearth Breadmaker & Cook's oven, which was preparing some fresh bread for us. Saved by the bell.
"Hey, everything is ready! Why don't we eat?"

We have some bread, which unfortunately is not fully ready. The taste of dough is not the best one in the world. Time to bust out the sushi. Chrissy seems to like it though - she's at least smiling while eating it. I decide to pose some questions to her.

"So, what do you do besides work?"
"I go out with friends. We listen to music, we cook, we work out, everything. Its great."
"Really? What do you do for that?"
"We just start with an idea and run with it."
"Aren't you afraid you'll waste time, mess something up?"
"Not really - that's all part of the fun... it makes it that much better when I get it right."

Clearly, this woman is a fool. But, no matter for now. I invite her to the living room again. We sit down, and I offer to give her a massage. When she smiles and nods, I reach for the Chi Comfort Kneading Back Massager. When she sees it in my hands she steps back.

"What is that?"
"The Massager. You like?"
"Um, I thought you were doing it."
"Why would I do that?"
"Because this is a date, and you offered to give me one."
"And here it is!"
"That's something from an infomercial, isn't it?"
"No, it isn't!"
"I bet the meal was from it too - it wasn't very good."

Strike three.

"Infomercials have brought me everything here! That bed, that remote controlled airplane, this chia garden... If you can't appreciate that, I think you should go." She gives a shocked look. Of course, I was shocked that she would shun my life of convenience.
"I will leave, but you know what? In the time you spent pursuing convenience and fun, you've lost lots of time, money, and probably fun. I hope you get over this and start living life." She exits.

8:00pm. I am LIVID. Everything should have been outstanding. Everything I used guaranteed satisfaction, and I"m anything but. I call up each company that I used tonight.

"Hello? Yes. Jean Whittman said that the wine chiller 'always provides a good cool bottle in the nick of time,' but it didn't tonight! Now what?"
"The Sushi Maker was supposed to 'bring eastern delights with western efficiency' - you lied to me! Scott Thomas lied to me too! What's his number?!?!"

In a fit I break the Sushi Maker. I guess I can't get the warranty on that.

10:00pm - A long night of convenience along with an inconvenient truth: If I had been willing to take more chances I could have probably had a great night with my date. But instead, I relied too much on faulty technology. What will I do about this? Perhaps I'll give up on this infomercial stuff. For all of the comforts it promises to give me, it ultimately costs me a lot more than the infomercials would ever let on. I sigh and turn on my television.

"Get a buff body, confidence and energy in only fifteen minutes a day!"

...Or perhaps Chrissy is insane.

"Hello, I'd like to buy..."